Thursday Night Joke

[jediross]

Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at maturity of a 12 year old. He stated that it was OK because he loved her soooo much.

However, Jim felt this was also the time for him to open up and admit that he also had a deformity too.

Jim looked Sandy in the eyes and said.... "I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married."

She said, "Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant size penis."

Sandy and Jim got married and they could not wait for the Honeymoon. Jim whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touching, teasing, holding one another...As Sandy put her hands in Jim's pants she began to scream and ran out of the room! Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong.

"You told me you penis was the size of an infant!", she said. "Yes it is..... 8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches long!!"

[Bosun]

:D giggly stupidly :D

[rommel]

laughing outrageously :D

[Grav]

:D Chortling heartily :D

[jediross]

A couple had been married for several years when suddenly the wife decides she'd like to have breast implants.

The husband says, "Now, honey, you know we can't afford that kind of thing right now."

"But I see you looking at other women," pleaded his wife, "and I want to be as attractive as they are to you."

Days go by and the wife keeps insisting she needs breast implants, despite the protests of her husband. Finally, the husband has had it. So he says to his wife, "Honey, I have an idea. Every day, about twice a day, wad up some toilet paper, then rub it between your breasts. Repeat it 3 or 4 times each time."

"You think that'll make my breasts larger!?" asked his wife.

"Why not?" says the husband, "It worked on your ass!"

[Grav]

Guffawing gratuitously :D

[rommel]

giggling uncontrollably :D

[jediross]

:p :cool:

[Bassman]

A bloke is in a queue at the Super Market when he notices that the rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.

He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says "sorry do you know me?" She replies "I may be mistaken, but I
thought you might be the father of one of my children!"

His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful, Chrizt! he says "are you that stripogram on my stag night that I made love to on the snooker table in front of all my mates whilst your mate whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my bum"?

"No " she replies, "I'm your son's English Teacher". :D

[jediross]

:D Excellent stuff!!

[Ziggy]

Riotously amusing...... :D

[W@nkel]

Tittering Torturously :D

[saxman]

a woman at the checkout in the supermarket is putting her stuff on the conveyor, and it comprises if meals for one, 1 bottle of wine, 1 pint of milk, small cans of soups and beans etc.
the lad on the till puts it allthrough, and says to her 'i take it you single then'?

how can you tell she replies sarcasticly.

cos your fuckin ugly he says