beam me up scotty

[Gypsy]

after seeing the 'what you do for a living'
anyone got any funny job stories, ones where you wished the ground would open up and swallow you.
i worked for BT for 15+ years and we had an old guy there we called chicken george,
he was at the old couples place, the sun was out so they were catching the rays in the back garden,
chicken was running a cable in the front room for thier new phone line, but he has this annoying yappy biting his ankles all the time, he did no more than give said yappy a tap on the head with his tack hammer.
to his disbelief the yappy fell over stone dead.
chicken needed clean underwear at this point and did the only thing he could possible do, the right thing, the honest and honourable thing.


he hid the yappy behind the sofa ,finshed the job in double quick time and pissed off as quick as he could

[Huw Beer Monster]

Yup.

About 8 Years ago, showing a new trainee around a server farm (I'm an IT Manager when I'm not being a musician). Trainee asked how they would shut down the systems and in which order. I said, "well, you'd start with this one" and without thinking pressed a power switch. I then realised that I'd either have to stand there for the rest of the day and not let the switch pop back out, or let go and face the fact that 250 people were going to be mightily pissed off.

The fact that those 250 people were lawyers helped me make the decision. I let go :D

[GarrysPhrogg]

ROFL ROFL I can see this is going to be a very entertaining thread..........

Ive done loads of "beam me up scotty things"
One of which a friend was marrying a really horrible bloke and a few pals were discussing this, someone made the remark "OK shes a bit ugly but shes so nice and kind etc etc......... and there she was stood in the doorway listening to every word.......... *s_hit*

Also the time when I was drying out my gloves on those hand driers at services in scotland, one glove over each nozle of driers when I could smell a burning smell after a few seconds I pulled the gloves off and there were sparks coming from the driers, i looked around and made a very quick exit..........

[guydewdney]

reading the BT one reminds me of a mate - who got called to an odd problem with some old lady who kept insisting her dog didnt like the new phone ring..

long story short - turned out every time the phone rang, the dog, tied up outside, yelped.

As BT bods will know, the 'ring' bit is 50 volts AC and the dog was tied up to the earth pin with a metal chain, and the earth pin was badly done, so all the 50 volts was going through the dog, making it yelp...

Cured with a bucket of water over the pin, makign it ground properly.

[Gypsy]

got another chicken one,, yeah the dude always had us in stitches with his antics.(he even nearly killed my dad once lol)

Chicken had gone to this indian couples house , where there were also 3 builders,
offererd a cup of tea chicken is never one to refuse anything free and said yes,
on getting his tea , taking a swig of it he realised that the tea was one of those obscure horrible nasty ones,
he did no more than pour it into a large pot plant that was on the table, the pot plant was on a very old hand made lace indian cloth (worth a fortune)

said tea then proceeded to pour over the side of the plant pot covering the expensive table cloth in a brown muck,
unknown to chicken at the time, the 3 builders had already done the same thing

[DANNY]

I once thought about buying a harly. tee hee.





covers head and makes a run for it.

[Jay]

In my 'Mr Normal' period I once worked for a bank and held a fairly senior position there.

To break the ice with the peeps that were there, I decided to show them that I wasn't a jumped up twat and that humour in the workplace was ok with me....

Imagine my face, if you will, when the divisional exec walked into the office to welcome me into his 'patch' and caught me photocopying my 'ANUS'....

[Gypsy]

In my 'Mr Normal' period I once worked for a bank and held a fairly senior position there.

To break the ice with the peeps that were there, I decided to show them that I wasn't a jumped up twat and that humour in the workplace was ok with me....

Imagine my face, if you will, when the divisional exec walked into the office to welcome me into his 'patch' and caught me photocopying my 'ANUS'....
take it he didnt see the funny side to it :D

[Jay]

indeed, but thats not surprising seeing as he wore pin-stripe slacks....

He shared a common humour defficiency with Mrs Barton - Her and Mr Barton used to come in to the bank the same time every week and insisted on bringing sweets, which they had to give personally to everyone in the branch, regardless of who you were with or how busy.

One day Mrs Barton arrived alone and I jovially asked where Mr B was, had she left him at home in his box............of course, she had seeing as he died just a few days before.....

Thats why I wear rubber socks, cos I always put my foot in it

[Gypsy]

hehe done something pretty similar once,
was using a blowtorch on an external cable joint, went up to see my mate who was working at the house end and said 'ooops f***ing cremated that bastard joint' what i didnt know at the time was the guy and his 2 sons that were at the house had just buried their mother that morning.. yet another trip to the managers office for me !!!!! :D

[Jay]

hehe done something pretty similar once,
was using a blowtorch on an external cable joint, went up to see my mate who was working at the house end and said 'ooops f***ing cremated that bastard joint' what i didnt know at the time was the guy and his 2 sons that were at the house had just buried their mother that morning.. yet another trip to the managers office for me !!!!! :D

hahaha....I was always dropping a big-un....people would come in with masses of cash and I would cheerfully ask 'em if they had won the lottery.........what are the odds of someone dying and leaving wedges of cash around the house for their daughter to find and bring into good old sympatheic uncle Jay.

[Mrs Reject]

hahaha....I was always dropping a big-un....people would come in with masses of cash and I would cheerfully ask 'em if they had won the lottery.........what are the odds of someone dying and leaving wedges of cash around the house for their daughter to find and bring into good old sympatheic uncle Jay.

Actually that's a darned good money laundering excuse; turn up at bank and say my aunty vi croaked and I found all this cash under the bed!!! :)

[Jay]

Certainly is, thats why we always took the liberty of reporting large cash injections to our appointed investigators......unless an 'arrangement' could be agreed of course.......nothing specific SAY 10%

[DANNY]

Was a postman for 16 years. Walked up to a house with a hand full of cards young (15 ish) girl opens door i says happy birthday she says no their for my dad he died two days ago. ooops.

[Freelancer]

A few years ago I was up North in the wilds of Scotland working. A mate of mine was driving along minding his own when a Black Lab runs out in front of him, which he hits. On closer inspection he sees that the poor thing is deceased, it was no more, it's f**kin dead! As he is in the middle of nowhere he looks around an spies the only house for miles a few yard down the road. He puts the dog in the back of the wagon, drives up to the house and proceeds to knock on the door. A sweet lil old lady slowly answers the door, and my mate enquired in all seriousness...

"'Scuse me luv. Did you use to own a black Lab?" :D