Bad joke... I mean bad.....

[pyro]

A white limo breaks a red light and gets pulled over, when the traffic cop comes up to the car, Alan Titchmarsh steps out dressed in a white fur coat and leather trousers. "hang on a minute" says the cop, "you're a gardener, why are you dressed like that?"
"A gardener no more my man" says Titchmarsh with a swagger "I've takin to pimpin' these days"
The cop thinks he's taken something dodgy and is dilussional so he asks him to open up the limo and let him look inside. when he looks in the back he finds a couple of long handled gardening tools. "Ha, I knew you were still a gardener! if you're a pimp what are these then?"
Titchmarsh says....

wait for it








"They're my hoes"

[Crofty]

*rolls up newspaper, aims at nose...*
"NO! BAD PYRO!"

[kitkatman]

sorry to say it .....but that was......
****e...

[pyro]

I have a reputation for bad jokes... I have only just begun.... :D

[pyro]

A very confident James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next
to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No," he replies, "Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
Bond explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."
The lady says, "What's it telling you now?"
"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties...."
The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!"
Bond smirks, taps his watch and says, "Bloody thing's an hour fast."

[pyro]

A bloke's wife goes missing while holidaying on the Australian coast. He spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her.Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of pretty miserable policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable. The Sarge says, "Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news and maybe some really good news".
"Well," says the bloke, "You'd better let me have it both barrels, what's the bad news?"
The Sarge says, "I'm really sorry pal, but your wife is dead.Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead."
The bloke is naturally pretty distressed to hear this and has a bit of a turn. After a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what the good news is. The sarge says, "Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized crays and a swag of huge crabs in and around her wetsuit, so we've brought you your share." And he hands the bloke a sugar bag with a couple of nice crays and four or five crabs in it. "Geez thanks. They're bloody beaut... I guess it's an ill wind and all that.

Now, what's the really good news?"
"Well", the Sarge says, "me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again!.... you fancy comin' with us?"

[pyro]

Customer: Worcester sauce crisps please

Shopkeeper: Sorry can't, it's off the shelves, cancer scare.

Customer: Oh right, Chinese Chicken Wings?

Shopkeeper: Ah that's the same , Cancer scare

Customer: Hamburger Relish?

Shopkeeper: Cancer scare

Customer: Sausage and Mash?

Shopkeeper: Cancer scare

Customer: Cottage Pie?

Shopkeeper: Yes, ...no wait, Cancer scare.

Customer: So they're all off the shelves because of a Cancer scare?

Shopkeeper: Yes

Customer: (sigh) Just give me a packet of fags then.

Shopkeeper: Certainly. ?4.50 .

Customer: Thanks

[pyro]

Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two women and take them to their separate hotel rooms.

The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection. His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his little friend shouting out cries of "Here I come again! One, two, three, uh," all night long.

In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?" The first mutters, "It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get an erection."

The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing? I couldn't even get on the bed."

[kitkatman]

i thought i knew some bad un's.....that's quite consistant....i am on the stella at the mo...want a beer!

[pyro]

I'd love a drink, but dont do 'wife beater'... hopefully the woman will be back with a few bottles any minute... :D

[kitkatman]

strange....i know a bloke that calls stella that.....i just turn into a babling idiot and fall over after a few.....

[Crofty]

strange....i know a bloke that calls stella that.....i just turn into a babling idiot and fall over after a few.....
Aye, it's called wifebeater in Leeds/retford/london too. also, so are those sleeveless vests (preferably in white/stain) so you could have a wifebeater in you while a wifebeater has you in it!

[madpigpunk]

stella piss water tennants super is the way to go.how ironic that a drink for the homeless gets called tennants :rolleyes:

[ian trike]

The Bo***ks Pyro
Made me Laugh anyhow !!
Cheers!