God Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

[Mrs Reject]

Feck, feck feck!!!!!!!!!! :mad: Mrs R's sprogg wants to come back home to live.........................he's out of work and heading for skid row so how can we refuse but on the other hand we almost came to blows last time he came to live at home.
He is almost 22 surely he should be independent by now.....he just can't seem to find a permanent job anywhere, just a series of crappy shop jobs. No one is interested in his degree. What to do?????????? Loyalty to our kid or my marriage?

[technoboiler]

to be totally in the right..............

take him in till he fuks up,, which prob wont be too long,,,,lol
then kick him out legit, with no remorse,,,hehehe...
am i sneaky or what! :o

[dracken1]

i could suggest all sorts of things.
but i'm afraid mrs r that you should not even ask any of us.
this decision should be between yourselves with no outside intervention of any sort.

sorry don't intend to sound "could'nt give a fuck what you do ish" but you are the people who will have to live with whatever you decide.

[dink]

watches to see whats said here and takes notes.........only 10 years til ted can jump ship and erm 17 :( :( for pud. Surely if I put the plans in action now though they might leave sooner :D

[Mrs Reject]

Just you wait, it just gets worse and worse :mad: To add insult to injury the cat sh1t in my file box and all my certificates and documents are wet and smelly.
I'm heading out to Beachy Head!

[Friar Tuck]

Mrs. R! What is more important to you? Mitch or the sprog? Only you can set your priorities! Sorry. :(

[bill?]

at his age he should be capable of looking after himself, but if you feel you need to help let him move in for a month, making it quite clear its only going to be 4 weeks and NO longer.
dont forget you have your own life now that the kid(s) have grown up and left.







I'm the one sat in the corner pished if you want a chat.

[INDIANDRAG]

Just you wait, it just gets worse and worse :mad: To add insult to injury the cat sh1t in my file box and all my certificates and documents are wet and smelly.
I'm heading out to Beachy Head!
THAT`S NOTHING COMPARED TO HOW MUCH crap THE LAD`S GONNA PUT IN YA HEAD :eek:

[chimaera]

kids will always screw with your head but could you be without them. The memories that they create, the dreams we all share we would never deny them for our own selfishness. All we can do is be fair but firm and always let them know that they are loved

[trykerdon]

(Pat using Riks login
Mrs R, whatever happens you and Mitch have to present a united front, my honest opinion (and I've been there) is this, it sounds selfish but hey thats life....
Your son is your son , yes. but his life is all ahead of him, sooner or later he'll be gone (you wish) would he put his life on hold or feck up his relationship for you? you bet your bloody life he wouldnt! You have done everything a mother should do and more, now its time for you!! Mitch should come first in your life, he will be there years after the sprog has left home and forgotten where you live....
Give him 4 weeks on your terms , which are Mitch is boss, mitch has final say, and Mitch gets respect, if he doesnt like it tell him to go take a hike. :D

[Mrs Reject]

kids will always screw with your head but could you be without them. The memories that they create, the dreams we all share we would never deny them for our own selfishness. All we can do is be fair but firm and always let them know that they are loved

Chimaera.......you've been overdosing on Patience Strong cards again...stop it :D :D
I have to say I agree with Pat, sprog can only come home on Mitch's terms this time and any back chatting or peculiar behaviour will not be tolerated. Last time poor old Mitch got loads of sh1t from him and lost the will to live.
Quite possibly he will not want to come home on those terms but tough!!!

[captaincondom]

hi he your kid no matter wot. if it was my son he would allways be welcome no matter wot but at the end of the day its your choice.
my way is this i had the kids so no matter wot age or fuck ups its down to me to help sort even if makes it hard with the partner. family allways comes first but like i say its your choice

[chimaera]

I guess I have an unusual dose of patience as my first marriage failed cos I was never at home, being in the Navy doesn't lend itself to married life. My second wife died before we got to have kids and now with my third, complete with 7 year old girl who I adore, so yes I am biased and have not had to put up with any ****e. Go with your heart I guess I'm trying to say

[fade2black]

Sometimes you have to be hard but fair.

Is there a particular reason for him to come and live with you and not get digs else where? If so fair enough. If it just to be at home where its safe then tell him you will support him no matter what. You will. of course, help him to find a job and a place to live. Help DOESNT mean that you will do it all. It means you will assist.

22 years old is old enough to find your way in the real world.

I know I sound very harsh but in our situation our kid left home at 16 well 16 and 1 day actually because we said that as she had left schoolm was no longer accepting our home tutoring or working that she had to find a job and pay us a nominal rent. She didnt like it one bit and said that she could find a place to live cheaper than £20 a week. She left, got kicked out, slept on people's sofa's and floors and stuff. She got arrested for D and D, theft, using a stolen credit card. She came to our place on Christmas Eve nearly a year after she had left, the first time she had spoken to us cos her and her friend needed a place to stay. We said no, you made your bed (so to speak ) you lie in it. ( we knew she would be safe as she would go to the homeless shelter. She didnt want to do that cos she had knicked stuff of some people there and been found out)

Now she is 18 and living with her partner and her little kid and being responsible and she has actually said thanks for doing that as it made her get of her ass and take responsiblity for herself and her actions. She says that it was much better that as we didnt provide a back up for her, she HAD to do it herself and it helped.

Just our point and from our situation but I hope it helps.

[Mrs Reject]

Kids will always be important but the problem is when they get to late teens/twenties they try and make you choose between them and your partner which is a bit mean seeing as they will eventually bugger off and leave you. Personally I do not see why I should have to choose between them especially as Mitch is well easy going and will put up with pretty much anything.
Kids must learn that if they live at home they have boundaries and I think it will be good for him to hear that if he comes home it will be on our terms only.Last time he lived at home he made our lives absolute hell. I'm not going to allow it to happen again.

[DANNY]

sorry but no matter what they do a kid is for life not just for christmass

[fade2black]

I am afraid that if came to them saying I am going to make you choose between me and the person you love and want to spend your life with. It wouyld be a case of rearrange these words into a well known phrase off p1ss.

You are a person in your own right you have the right to live your life how you want to. You are a mother yes and you always will be no matter what. But He is your Son and should respect you as a person as well.

Sorry I have very strong views on any person be they husband wife partner friend sibling or other wise telling another adult person what they can or cannot do. Its not on and I know and understand that for you it not as clear cut because there are emotions running wild.

Give him a set of rules which he must abide by. It is your house after all and if a friend came to stay with you for a month then you would give them a set of rules too. Work out a timescale and try to help him get his head together and get out to make his own way in life.

Heh and rememeber that you are allowed to have a bit of fun too :)

[fade2black]

sorry but no matter what they do a kid is for life not just for christmas


I dont disagree at all but a kid does not have the right to rule my life or choose my partner especially not an adult kid

[DANNY]

I dont disagree at all but a kid does not have the right to rule my life or choose my partner especially not an adult kid
if you cant take the bad with the good then you shouldn't have kids.

[fade2black]

if you cant take the bad with the good then you shouldn't have kids.

I dont understand quite what you mean. The story of me and our kid is a long and complicated one. She is my step-child. She has had a lot of problems. Whilst living with us she stole my wifes morphine from a locked box and sold it to a dealer. I couldnt be in the same room as her for a week.

We have had plenty of fcuking bad mate. Doesnt mean we dont still love her. Doesnt mean we dont still help and assist her.

It also does not affect my other point which was no adult has the right to tell another adult what they cannot do, adult kids included

[Mrs Reject]

if you cant take the bad with the good then you shouldn't have kids.

Do you actually have kids Danny????? If your kid deliberately tries to wreck your marriage and disses you till the cows come home at age 21 then leaves home without telling you where he's gone for months on end so you worry yourself into an early grave then suddenly turns up and says he's coming home would you just say ok and let it happen all over again.
Kids need boundaries and discipline or else they are impossible. I'll do everything I can to help i.e with CV's, helping him find work etc etc but he isn't setting foot over the doorstep unless he agrees to live by our rules in our house and behave. He has a choice, like it or lump it basically! If he comes home he has to behave and not treat Mitch (or me) like a piece of sh1t. If we let him behave like this then he will treat people like dirt for the rest of his life - his future missus won't stand for it I'm sure and then he'll learn the hard way!
I'm with fade2black on this one.

[DANNY]

Im not having a go at anybody it just sounded to me like people were not loving there own. No kids dont have the right to rule you or yours but you should always love them no matter what.Sorry if i offended any one but it was only my opinion.

[Mrs Reject]

Im not having a go at anybody it just sounded to me like people were not loving there own. No kids dont have the right to rule you or yours but you should always love them no matter what.Sorry if i offended any one but it was only my opinion.

Danny you're pissed....I can tell. Approach, I have rolled up newspaper :D

[seedless]

sorry but no matter what they do a kid is for life not just for christmass

At 22 they are Kids no more,

Put yourself and Mitch first Mrs R you know you it makes sense.

[Crofty]

Reading most of the posts I'm feeling different things, If I had a young child that was dependent on me, They would absolutely come first (I don't mean I'd spoil them) But you son is a young adult now, he's 22. Yes I still think family comes first, but your also his family, and he has a responsibily to put you first and what you want. I'm about his age and when I go home, I respect the rules. stuff as little as not swearing (badly) in front of them, or spending an hour a week at mass (my mum's a christian, I'm not, but it means a fair bit to her) Possibly not relevant to you guys, but what I'm trying to say is He's family, you should help him in whatever way you see fit -which could be to tell him to sort it out himself, but he should respect the love that you and mitch have, he's an adult, he needs to make decisions for his own life, he shuldn't have a say in yours.

IMO, the list is:
1. Family including close friends/Partners (so loved ones)
2. Yourself
3. girlfriends/boyfriends (by that I don't mean long term/fiance-type thing, I mean the kind of relationships people like me might be having -20 Yr Old student remember! Girls/boys come and go, but if were lucky, loved ones are there always)

Not sure if any of that's relevant/appropriate, especially with the last few posts, but It's my 2p's worth.

[addjunkie]

I odly agree with much that has been said , guess it all depends how much ones kid is doing ones head in at a particular time.........part of parent hood i guess,

this may seem odd coming from some one who is on the verge of kicking his own kid out, but id let him come home under one condition and one condition only....................


that he has respect for you and your house hold, make it quite clear that, 1 he pays his way, 2 no respect no bed, no discussion.

they are our offspring we have to respect them too......... so should help them but under no circumstances do it for them or they will never learn to do it for them selves..........id also suggest assuming he will get benefits that you make it financially unattractive for him to stay sitting on his arse tossing it off at your expense.

your are allowed and entitled to have fun so have it, dont let him stop it, at 22 he should at least understand having funa nd wot respect is.

but to ramble its all about respect and my son has none for any one not even him self. fooking kids best advert for contraception going once they think they know it all!

were we like that !!!!!!!!!!! must ask the folks

[Sir Ewok]

Kids will always be important but the problem is when they get to late teens/twenties they try and make you choose between them and your partner which is a bit mean seeing as they will eventually bugger off and leave you. Personally I do not see why I should have to choose between them especially as Mitch is well easy going and will put up with pretty much anything.
Kids must learn that if they live at home they have boundaries and I think it will be good for him to hear that if he comes home it will be on our terms only.Last time he lived at home he made our lives absolute hell. I'm not going to allow it to happen again.

I'm with you all the way. My eldest son left home and went to live with his girlfriend at 16. he is now 32 and has come home to me or his mother several times. I always lay down rules and they (the kids) have to abide by them. If you don't have rules, you have chaos....

[Bag Lady]

Just been reading your dilemma - When I was 22 and a squaddie wife in Germany with 2 kids (1 of 18 months and 1 of 9 months) husband bu****ed off with someone else and left me. I asked my mum if I could come home and she said yes....Stepfather then came on the phone and put me straight - I was welcome to VISIT, but I was NOT going to be allowed to come home. As he said, it was not my home, it was his and my mums home. I had left, got married and had kids, I had my own home, my own family and my own problems. He felt sorry for me but pointed out that he and my mum had enough problems of their own without taking on mine as well. He said I was big enough to get myself into a mess and I was big enough to get myself out of it as well.....

I hated him for that, I really did. However, it made me sit up and take notice. I applied for and became a foreign resident in Germany, I found a child minder and I slowly sorted myself out. (I do not and never did speak German - so I had huge problems...).

Eventually I respected my step-father for his hard stance. We became very close before he died - he had not done it out of spite. He had done it to give me self - reliance, independance and to learn to sort out anything life would (and did) throw at me. I consider his advice then to be the making of me.

I brought my own children up with the same ethic. I love them to bits and will always be there for them whenever they need me - but...The day they left home was their first step on the road to independance and they knew that when they left they would not come back, and they havn't. I see them a lot, but even when my daughter left her husband, she went to the social and was given emergency B&B. I hated seeing her there, it was a tip, druggies for neighbours and she had to padlock her door. (I did actually ask her to come home!!!!) she refused, she knew how strong my step-father had made me feel and she wanted to sort out her own life. It took her 18 months, but she did it. She is proud of what she did and so am I........

Sorry for rambling, this just struck a chord with me so I hope you don't mind. One thing though, you both have to agree on what you do. It was not just me that hated my step-father when he said No to me....so did my mum, their relationship never ever recovered from that. Even when I admitted that he had been right, my mum had carried the hate for too long to let it go..Even now 30 years later she is still bitter about it and he has been dead for 20 years......She will not even visit his grave.

[GarrysPhrogg]

Feck, feck feck!!!!!!!!!! :mad: Mrs R's sprogg wants to come back home to live.........................he's out of work and heading for skid row so how can we refuse but on the other hand we almost came to blows last time he came to live at home.
He is almost 22 surely he should be independent by now.....he just can't seem to find a permanent job anywhere, just a series of crappy shop jobs. No one is interested in his degree. What to do?????????? Loyalty to our kid or my marriage?


OK I suppose best thing you could do is let him come home, dont run around after him unless hes paying his way, and if he gives mitch a hard time, Mitch should take him to scotland and leave him there :p

Im not one of these natural good at being a mother type women, im just not, I find it hard dealing with thier obnoxious irritating ways, I don't have any patience or sympathy, s'pose I'm a bit of a hard bitch, I can handle all the rebellion but i hate akwardness and rudness, i love adventureous kids who experiment with stuff, just so long as they let me in on it :D I love kids who "want to know" but kids who "know everything" need a good kicking :D

[Dougie]

if he gives mitch a hard time, Mitch should take him to scotland and leave him there :p

AW HEY!Why us? :eek:

[GarrysPhrogg]

AW HEY!Why us? :eek:

Coz I come from there :D and I know the true scots won't harm anyone, but god help ya if you cross one of them :) ;)

[kitkatman]

save your marriage, but also give your sprog a limited time to get his arse sorted, 4 weeks or something like that

[Jim]

I can inderstand this from Mitch's perspective as I am also a step dad :-

1. Set ground rules.

2. Stick to the rules

3. Stick to the rules

4. Stick to the rules.

5. 3 stikes and you're out the door.


My eldest step child has an occasional problem with alcohol and attitude. He's had 2 warnings and he is now very, very aware of the fact that he'll be out next time. Behaviour and attitude has improved greatly.
The hardest part is being impartial and supporting your partner when they fuck up, without being judgemental about them.
However if they give me s**t then they know where the door is.
Firm but fair is the ONLY option.

[Mrs Reject]

Had him home yesterday to re-write cv and covering letters for jobs, something he should have been doing 8 months ago not now. Anyway it was like pulling teeth, so slow and laborious. He should just be churning job application letters out by now but just seems to have no motivation to do anything with any kind of enthusiam and seems to think he can afford to pick and choose where he wants to work. Unfortunately with 8 months of no real work experience after graduating he is no longer attractive to employers and will just have to take anything that's offered and lump it.
I left home at 17, if I had ever asked my mother if I could have gone home I would have been told to feck off, if I hadn't found and kept down jobs I would have been homeless simple as that. It didn't help that they lived the other side of the world.
This seems to be a common problem with kids now, they think the world owes them a living and no effort has to be made to get somewhere. I often wonder if it's the bullsh1t fed to them in school or something in the water or hormones in chicken:eek:
Me and Mitch have always been up with the lark and ready to take anyone on - I just don't understand all this flopping around business and apathy :mad:

[Sir Ewok]

My old man always told me that if you wanted anything in this world, you had to work for it. That was the attitude that I grew up with. The trouble is that all the kids that have grown up in the 90's onward generally (there are always exceptions) think the world owes them something just for being born. I can see this problem getting worse with this new £250 baby bond thing. What a waste of taxpayers money. Give the kid a bond, wait 18 years till he/she is old enough to cash it. If it is worth anything, they will pay tax on it and have benefits deducted for unearned income. If worthless then it was a waste of time. Around here it would probably buy a burberry cap to wear in their Chavmobiles or a few cans of Kestrel lager............