Bassman
24-02-2005, 04:37 PM
There were these three men walking along one day, a Scotsman, an Englishman and a Welshman, and they came across an old lamp. They rubbed it and conveniently a genie came out and said they had three wishes between them.
"I wish for a huge wall all the way around Scotland," said the Scotsman, "so that these English and Welsh people can't come around bothering us all the time". Instantly it was done, there was a 100 foot wall along the border sealing the Scottish borders for good...
The Englishman reckoned he could do better than that. "I wish for a huge, massive wall around England, 300 feet high and with a roof across the top. That will keep all of the Scottish and those Welshmen out for good." Instantly it was done.
The Welshman said simply "Fill them with water"
Paddy was sitting at a bar when a very well dressed gentleman came in and sat down at the same table. After a while they started
conversation. Paddy asked the gentleman what he did for a living. The person replied "I'm Professor of Logic at Dublin University".
"Oh," says Paddy, "What's that, logic?"
"Well," says the Prof., "logic is when things or events follow each other. To give you a demonstration, I've noticed that you
have very rough hands. This tells me that you are a manual labourer".
"Dat's roight," says Paddy, "Oi works digging trenches"
"And to carry this one point further, being a manual worker, you would have a big garden shed," says the Prof.
"Dat's roight," says Paddy, "Oi has a big garden shed".
"Well there you are," says the Prof. "That's logic . . . one thing follows another in a logical sequence. And to take it one further, if you have a big garden shed, then you would have a big garden".
"Yes, Oi have half an acre at home; vegies for all the family", says Paddy.
"See . . . logical progression . . . one thing follows another. And, to take it one step further, if you have a big garden, you would
have a big house", says the Prof.
"Ah, yes" says Paddy, totally in awe.
"And if you have a big house, you would have a lot of kids."
"Yes, dere is nine in the family. That's amazing!" says Paddy.
"That's logic." says the Prof. "And, to take it even one step further, if you have a a lot of kids, you have a wife."
"Wow! That's amazing! I do have a wife!" says Paddy.
"And since you have a wife and many children, you probably have sex regularly".
"Certainly," Paddy emphasises. "Six nights a week and twice on Sunday".
"Ah, and if you were having sex that regularly, you would not have to masturbate," says the Prof.
"Oh, never, never, not for many, many years," says Paddy.
"Well," says the Prof., "there you are, logical progression . . . one thing follows another".
"Wow!" says Paddy amazed "That's amazing!"
"That's logic" said the professor, bids farewell to Paddy and leaves the pub.
Patrick, sitting at the bar, then sidles up to Paddy and asks, "Who was that, Paddy?"
"Oh", says Paddy, "That was a very educated gentleman. He's a Professor of Logic at Dublin University".
"Logic?," says Patrick, "What's logic?"
"I'll tell you all about it," says Paddy. "Tell me, Patrick, do you have a garden shed?"
"No," says Patrick.
"You're a wanker!" :D
"I wish for a huge wall all the way around Scotland," said the Scotsman, "so that these English and Welsh people can't come around bothering us all the time". Instantly it was done, there was a 100 foot wall along the border sealing the Scottish borders for good...
The Englishman reckoned he could do better than that. "I wish for a huge, massive wall around England, 300 feet high and with a roof across the top. That will keep all of the Scottish and those Welshmen out for good." Instantly it was done.
The Welshman said simply "Fill them with water"
Paddy was sitting at a bar when a very well dressed gentleman came in and sat down at the same table. After a while they started
conversation. Paddy asked the gentleman what he did for a living. The person replied "I'm Professor of Logic at Dublin University".
"Oh," says Paddy, "What's that, logic?"
"Well," says the Prof., "logic is when things or events follow each other. To give you a demonstration, I've noticed that you
have very rough hands. This tells me that you are a manual labourer".
"Dat's roight," says Paddy, "Oi works digging trenches"
"And to carry this one point further, being a manual worker, you would have a big garden shed," says the Prof.
"Dat's roight," says Paddy, "Oi has a big garden shed".
"Well there you are," says the Prof. "That's logic . . . one thing follows another in a logical sequence. And to take it one further, if you have a big garden shed, then you would have a big garden".
"Yes, Oi have half an acre at home; vegies for all the family", says Paddy.
"See . . . logical progression . . . one thing follows another. And, to take it one step further, if you have a big garden, you would
have a big house", says the Prof.
"Ah, yes" says Paddy, totally in awe.
"And if you have a big house, you would have a lot of kids."
"Yes, dere is nine in the family. That's amazing!" says Paddy.
"That's logic." says the Prof. "And, to take it even one step further, if you have a a lot of kids, you have a wife."
"Wow! That's amazing! I do have a wife!" says Paddy.
"And since you have a wife and many children, you probably have sex regularly".
"Certainly," Paddy emphasises. "Six nights a week and twice on Sunday".
"Ah, and if you were having sex that regularly, you would not have to masturbate," says the Prof.
"Oh, never, never, not for many, many years," says Paddy.
"Well," says the Prof., "there you are, logical progression . . . one thing follows another".
"Wow!" says Paddy amazed "That's amazing!"
"That's logic" said the professor, bids farewell to Paddy and leaves the pub.
Patrick, sitting at the bar, then sidles up to Paddy and asks, "Who was that, Paddy?"
"Oh", says Paddy, "That was a very educated gentleman. He's a Professor of Logic at Dublin University".
"Logic?," says Patrick, "What's logic?"
"I'll tell you all about it," says Paddy. "Tell me, Patrick, do you have a garden shed?"
"No," says Patrick.
"You're a wanker!" :D