View Full Version : I'll get my own coat thanks....
100%Pat
18-02-2005, 11:22 AM
A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.
She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie."
She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too." :D
Pat, you gotta stop this!
Isn't healthy!
There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas.
When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!"
The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."
When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands.
He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!"
The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas."
After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located.
The bartender replied, "Second door to the right."
The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door.
Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident.
Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush!"
100%Pat
18-02-2005, 11:46 AM
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
And another
It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said,
"That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone,
"Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
Bosun
18-02-2005, 01:12 PM
There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas.
When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!"
The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."
When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands.
He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!"
The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas."
After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located.
The bartender replied, "Second door to the right."
The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door.
Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident.
Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush!"
:D :D :D
100%Pat
18-02-2005, 03:19 PM
The dyslexic wife !!!!
Man gets up one morning to find his dyslexic wife already in the kitchen
cooking.
He looks to see what his wife is cooking, and to his surprise he sees she
has one of his socks frying in a wok.
"What are you doing?" he asked
"I'm doing what you asked me to do last night", she replied
Completely puzzled, the man walks away thinking to himself, "I don't
remember asking her to cook my sock" :D
100%Pat
18-02-2005, 03:27 PM
An adorable little girl, all blonde curls and blue eyes walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp:
excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?
The shopkeeper's heart melts and he points at a glass case, Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fwuffy bwack wabby?
The little girl rocks on her heels , puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, I don't fink my python weally gives a phuck.
TaxiDave
18-02-2005, 04:18 PM
:D Pat, is it because its Friday. :D
technoboiler
18-02-2005, 04:21 PM
pat,,,,,,have you ever worn ya name on the front of ya t-shirt?
just wondering,,,,,pmsl ;)
Bassman
18-02-2005, 04:22 PM
Please Sir... I KNow .. I Know... It's because Pat's deadline has just finished so she has loads of time to sit around thinking up fun for us all and drinking very small amounts of vodka.... :rolleyes:
100%Pat
18-02-2005, 04:25 PM
Its friday, the mag has just gone to print, ads are all sold for next one too....and Im feckin bored, I hate fridays, Rik only works mon-thurs so it pisses me off that he is home by the fire toasting his toes while Im here!!
Techo, no never done that but had loads of offers while wearing 'PRESS' passes..... :D
technoboiler
18-02-2005, 04:26 PM
Its friday, the mag has just gone to print, ads are all sold for next one too....and Im feckin bored, I hate fridays, Rik only works mon-thurs so it pisses me off that he is home by the fire toasting his toes while Im here!!
Techo, no never done that but had loads of offers while wearing 'PRESS' passes..... :D
lmfao......... :p
100%Pat
18-02-2005, 04:54 PM
Techo, trouble is they are usually sad old men with the hair that starts at one side of the head by the ear and flips right over to the other side....
They think its so funny and original ....... :eek:
technoboiler
18-02-2005, 05:16 PM
pmsl
oi you are describing my last 5 boyfriends,,,,,, ;)
mr.chaz
18-02-2005, 05:19 PM
....and Im feckin bored, :D
that's cos you're feckin boring! :D :eek:
100%Pat
18-02-2005, 05:21 PM
meow...... :p
mr.chaz
18-02-2005, 05:25 PM
meow...... :p
don't you dare point that big black hairy thing at me!
I'm just a child fer chrissakes!
100%Pat
18-02-2005, 05:28 PM
well you will go advertising your bare ass for sale on the forum, teasing all the lads like that what do you expect!
mr.chaz
18-02-2005, 05:32 PM
well you will go advertising your bare ass for sale on the forum, teasing all the lads like that what do you expect!
flowers???????
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