An open Letter to Ewok and Tuck

[Tony Blair PM]

From the office of Tony Blair.

Prime Minister/ Puppet and failed rock star

Messr’s Ewok and Tuck
I thank you for your prolific requests for purchasing your “Ewok and Tuck how to win elections and influence people manual and DVD”
Unfortunately the treasury does not have the sort of sums you require, though they are interested in your calculations for compound interest.
And maybe we can persue this matter at a later date.
On a personal level as well Mr Tuck I do not have any photographs of Cherie dressed as a Nurse, but it has put a twinkle in her eye.
If you ever consider a future in politics, I can see a promising career.
Regards
TB

[dracken1]

don't get me started about ewok and tuck enterprises.
i ordered 50 pairs of disposable overalls from them,as i do a lot of glass fibre work.
£50.00 they cost me plus shipping
what i received were in fact green bin bags with a pair of plastic scissors and instructions on how to cut head and arm holes in them. :confused:

[Jay]

Think yourself lucky, I ordered 50 Green Bin-Bags to put my hedge trimmings in and only recived one with a message saying

'This item is now supplied using the EW&T installment method, to minimise land-fill and ultimately save the world from certain distruction.

Should you wish to appeal against this decision and would prefer to secure the doom of the human race, by receiving a surplus stock of bin-bags, please write to the above address'

What was I supposed to do!

[Bosun]

i had the old snip to avoid the "First born overdue payment clause"

this should reduce profits of the E&T dodgy adoptions service

[Huw Beer Monster]

this should reduce profits of the E&T dodgy adoptions service

Is that the service that generates staff for the E&T "Small Serving Boys and Waiting Girls for hire" recruitment agency?

[Tony Blair PM]

this is your prime minister speaking
will messr's ewok and tuck please reply


if not neither of you will be made dames as you requested :eek:

[Friar Tuck]

From the office of Tony Blair.

Prime Minister/ Puppet and failed rock star

Messr’s Ewok and Tuck
I thank you for your prolific requests for purchasing your “Ewok and Tuck how to win elections and influence people manual and DVD”
Unfortunately the treasury does not have the sort of sums you require, though they are interested in your calculations for compound interest.
And maybe we can persue this matter at a later date.
On a personal level as well Mr Tuck I do not have any photographs of Cherie dressed as a Nurse, but it has put a twinkle in her eye.
If you ever consider a future in politics, I can see a promising career.
Regards
TBSir!,

Firstly, may I point out that it was either you, or your Office that made the initial approach to the Ewokandtuck Promotional Campaign Services (Politics Div). And after considerable deliberation amongst our collegues it was decided that should you decided to engage our services, we would require due consideration for the endangered species known as "Bikers". Thus far we have not had any response to our proposal.

Our calculations for Compound Interest is a carefully formulated secret and is only known to the founder Trustees of The Ewokandtuck Institute. and Is not available to the General Public. How do you think we have remained so profitable?

May I also remind you that your Joining the Forum automatically enroles you into the Ewokandtuck Institute for the Criminally Inane. As part of that process, you give up your rights to all your possessions, wealth, goods, chattels, siblings, spouses, and concubines and these are passed over to the Founder Trustees as part of your rehabilitation programme!

Your Contract of Employment is also amended to reflect this. So Whilst you are still contracted to the Labour Party and to "Governing" the country, You are now required to pass all legislation to The Founder Members for appraisal and approval before implementation!

And finally, I would also like to point out that Cherie, having read you open letter to our good selves, made herself available in a Nursey Uniform, but after a nanoseconds due consideration, of her kind offer, the invitation to take her there and then was declined, in the interest of self preservation of the foundations of the Institute! However, After due consultation with the other founder member it was decided that the offer should be accepted as in the interest of the Institute Membership, it should be seen that the Founders remain as money grabbing, cheap skate, perverts and philanderers and not upset the ethos of the Institute, and remain true to it's membership.

And a jolly good shag Cherie was as well!

Up yours sincerely,
Messrs, Ewok and Tuck

[Sir Ewok]

I fully concur with my esteemed partners observations above and would like to answer some of the other statements made in this thread....

Draken1.. Thank you for reminding me of your order, which was wrongly packed (the packer has been flogged, then sold on as a eunuch, as have the official reminders also) The Scissors are EXTRAS, which you should have supplied yourself. However as it was our error, we will only charge you £10.00 for ths scissors +EATT, Postage, Packing and Insurance. Since you have not yet paid for them, the intrest alone is somewhere near £274,512,956,002,012,897,345,.00 (changes so fast, Bill Gates can't keep up with it)

Jay, well done for saving the environment. We have taken the liberty of ordering a skip for the rest of your stuff (much more eco-friendly, and profitable). I won't embarass you with prices on the internet, suffice to say that it will only cost the next fifteen generations of you family (assuming a 25% growth in conception/annum)

Fayji.. You may think you had the 'snip' , which makes me wonder why you used the Ewokantuck Fertility and Contraceptive Surgery Unit. As soon as you were logged on the computer, we realised you were trying to get out of your contractual obligations. With this in mind, we actually filled you with an experimental fertility drug. Your sperm can now travel up to 5 miles on land to find the first available fertile female and internet travel is unlimited. If any of you ladies suddenly find yourself pregnant, but have not been with a man, then it is Fayji's and belongs to Messrs Ewokandtuck.

Tony Blair... How's the CSA going. We told you it wouldn't work if you put politicians in charge. In view of it's miserable achievements to date, we suggest you put it out to tender, but you will have to pay twice what you offered to take it of your hands....

This message has been bought to you by Ewokandtuck Broadcasting and the monies for viewing it has already been added to your bill....