Bassman
23-01-2005, 01:16 AM
THE MANHOOD TEST
1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
A. Lovemaking
B. Screwing
C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town
2. You usually make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:
A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
B. Your blood-test results
C. Five tequila slammers
3. You try to time your orgasm so that:
A. Your partner climaxes first.
B. You both climax simultaneously
C. You don't miss Sports Centre
4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
A. Healthy, creative love-play
B. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would agree to
C. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend needs to ever find out about.
5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:
A. The best part of the experience
B. The second best part of the experience
C. $100 extra
6. Your partner says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it's:
A. It doesn't even show on her gorgeous figure
B. Not a problem, she can join your gym
C. A conservative estimate.
7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
A. A myth
B. An oxymoron
C. A Moron
8. Foreplay is to sex as:
A. Appetiser is to entree
B. Primer is to paint
C. A long line is to an amusement park ride
9. Which are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
A. "I hope we can still be friends."
B. "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep."
C. "Welcome to Dumpsville.... Population, YOU."
10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
B. Is too uptight.
C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.
Evaluating Results:
If you answered "A" more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really are a man.
If you answered "B" more than 7 times, check into therapy, you're a little confused.
If you answered "C" more than 7 times, "YOU DA MAN!
1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
A. Lovemaking
B. Screwing
C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town
2. You usually make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:
A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
B. Your blood-test results
C. Five tequila slammers
3. You try to time your orgasm so that:
A. Your partner climaxes first.
B. You both climax simultaneously
C. You don't miss Sports Centre
4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
A. Healthy, creative love-play
B. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would agree to
C. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend needs to ever find out about.
5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:
A. The best part of the experience
B. The second best part of the experience
C. $100 extra
6. Your partner says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it's:
A. It doesn't even show on her gorgeous figure
B. Not a problem, she can join your gym
C. A conservative estimate.
7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
A. A myth
B. An oxymoron
C. A Moron
8. Foreplay is to sex as:
A. Appetiser is to entree
B. Primer is to paint
C. A long line is to an amusement park ride
9. Which are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
A. "I hope we can still be friends."
B. "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep."
C. "Welcome to Dumpsville.... Population, YOU."
10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
B. Is too uptight.
C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.
Evaluating Results:
If you answered "A" more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really are a man.
If you answered "B" more than 7 times, check into therapy, you're a little confused.
If you answered "C" more than 7 times, "YOU DA MAN!