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bird
08-08-2008, 12:48 PM
Just got the Chinese effort on the telly in the background.

Given that each opening ceremony has to outdo the last one, and the kids from Bethnal Green Primary doing a bit of Maypole dancing aren't going to cut it, what should we put into the 2012 ceremony?

My vote is for a flypast of Spitfires, a recreation of the battle of Rorkes Drift (if it's a miracle, Colour Sergeant, it's a short chamber Boxer Henry point 45 caliber miracle.) and Hanging, Drawing and Quartering of someone representing Guy Fawkes - the victim to be chosen by a telephone vote, linked with that years Big Brother...

Grav
08-08-2008, 12:49 PM
I reckon we should not have the Olympics at all. I can think of far better things to spend 9 billion on.

Dougie
08-08-2008, 12:50 PM
How about we totally ignore the shite and save the country a fortune?:mad:

Mistress Maker
08-08-2008, 02:10 PM
I reckon we should not have the Olympics at all. I can think of far better things to spend 9 billion on.



yup 9 billion would go down canny in the NHS or used to improve our roads .................Bollocks to it thats what I say :thumbd:

wurzel
08-08-2008, 04:39 PM
I vote for a massive sting operation. Announce that the opening ceremony will be ticket only with tickets allocated by a free lottery of all of the population. Then just tell every thieving asbo scum and bail dodger that they have won. When they are all in close the door, napalm the stadium in front of the worlds cameras and suddenly we have less scum and less people wanting to move here

krammer
08-08-2008, 04:45 PM
I could murder a chinkie......

kitkatman
08-08-2008, 05:56 PM
I could murder a chinkie......

i feel like unfurling a flag in celebration...............free the wonder pets or is it tibet.....

dixie
08-08-2008, 05:58 PM
If its timed right we could have the cremation of good old maggie...and what about sychronised stabbin....kin brill.....but on a serious note ...put the money to better use, pensioners ..sick kiddies etc....its goin to be yet another waste of public dosh...decided by the few...yet again:mad:

Nufkamp
08-08-2008, 08:59 PM
It could be worse than you can imagine

http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2008/jun/13/olympicgames2008.olympicgames2012

Or then again.....


London Olympics 2012


London (Stratford) will be hosting the Olympic Games in 2012.

You may not know is that many of the famous events, which go to make up this spectacular event, are to be especially altered for 2012. A copy of these changes has been leaked, and is reproduced below:

OPENING CEREMONY
The flame will be ignited by a petrol bomb thrown by a native of the area in the traditional dress of balaclava and shell suit. The flame will be contained in a large overturned police van situated on the roof of the stadium.

THE EVENTS
In previous Olympic Games, East London's competitors have not been particularly successful. In order to redress the balance, some of the events have been altered slightly to the advantage of local athletes.

100 METRES SPRINT
Competitors will have to hold a DVD player and microwave oven (one in each arm) and on the sound of the starting pistol, a police dog will be released from a cage 10 yards behind the athletes.

110 METRES HURDLES
As above but with added obstacles (i.e. car bonnets, hedges, garden fences, walls etc)

HAMMER
Competitors in this event may choose the type of hammer they wish to use (claw, sledge etc) the winner will be the one who can cause the most physical damage within three attempts.

FENCING
Entrants will be asked to dispose of as many stolen goods as possible in 5 minutes.

SHOOTING
A strong challenge is expected from local men in this event. The first target will be a moving police van. In the second round, competitors will aim at a post office clerk, bank teller or Securicor-style wages deliveryman. The traditional .22 rifle has been replaced in this event by a choice of either a Browning automatic handgun or sawn-off 12-bore shotgun.

BOXING
Entry to the boxing will be restricted to husband and wife teams, and will take place on a Friday night. The husband will be given 15 pints of lager while the wife will be told not to make him any tea when he gets home. The bout will then commence.

CYCLING TIME TRIALS
Competitors will be asked to break into the University bike shed and take an expensive mountain bike owned by some mummy's boy on his first trip away from home. All against the clock.

CYCLING PURSUIT
As above, but the bike will be owned by a visiting member of the Australian rugby team, who will witness the theft.

MODERN PENTATHLON
Amended to include mugging, breaking and entering, flashing, joyriding and arson.

SWIMMING EVENTS
All waterways are currently being tested for toxicity levels, once one is found that can support human life, swimming events will be organised, please note that the Synchronised Swimming event for this year will comprise of dropping acid and watching all the funky ripples on the pool, the specific musical support to this event will be provided by "The Verve."

THE MARATHON
A safe route has yet to be decided.

MEN'S 50KM WALK
Unfortunately this will have to be cancelled as the police cannot guarantee the safety of anyone walking the streets of East London, especially anyone that appears to be... mincing

THE CLOSING CEREMONY
Entertainment will include formation rave dancing by members of the Stratford Health in the Community anti-drug campaigners, synchronised rock throwing, and music by the Ilford community choir. The flame will be extinguished by police riot water cannon following the inevitable pitch invasion by confused West Ham organised hooliganism club. The stadium itself will then be boarded up before the local athletes break into it and remove all the copper piping and the central heating boiler

eigerton
08-08-2008, 10:16 PM
for 2012 gb will do what it did in 1908

http://i143.photobucket.com/albums/r136/eigerton/usteam1908.gif

judging by the spectators it looks like we went for a cup of tea instead

Sir Ewok
08-08-2008, 11:53 PM
Screw the olympics, boring load of old tosh.......

How about:-

1. Beat the Bike Thief - 3 members of a national back patch club get to beat a bike thief and the winner is the first to terminate their offender.

2. Chav 100 Metres - A group of mouthy Chavs get a 100 metre strt on a 500 Metre track, chased by 'Mad Max style bikes & Trikes. Winner takes all

3. Pizza Delivery Iron Man - Cycle 5 miles, swim 1 mile and run 3 miles while carrying a pizza, Hottest pizza wins

4. Crocodile steps - a pool is filled with crocodiles to overflowing, peadophiles have to use the crocs a stepping stones. Winner gets to do a lap of honour.

5. Community Policing - Community Police Officers have one hour to hand out as many trivial fines as possible. Winner is the Officer making the most profit.

6. Speed camera Shootout - Cars with passenger have to pass and shoot out as many speed cameras as possible in a 3 lap race. Winner is the one with the least photos in the camera weighed against most cameras shot.

I'm sure you can think of a few more interesting events that you would like to see. Like the quarter mile drag race - Drag a hoodie burglar behind a vehicle and try to break the world speed record...:unsure:

v8_trike
09-08-2008, 11:29 AM
5. Community Policing - Community Police Officers have one hour to hand out as many trivial fines as possible. Winner is the Officer making the most profit.





Thought we already had that one??

Monster
09-08-2008, 11:46 PM
How about we totally ignore the shite and save the country a fortune?:mad:

Ere ere Dougie. Knowing this bunch of cocks we've got in power they'll probably get the dates wrong and turn up a week late anyway.

BigBod
11-08-2008, 09:54 AM
4 and a half hours!!! I reckon we should put on Chas n Dave for 4 and a half hours...:D:eek:

Grav
11-08-2008, 12:13 PM
Chas and Dave are classed as biological warfare.:D

cxdemon
11-08-2008, 12:31 PM
You couldn't have Chaz and Dave anyway..........................Too British.:( The way things get organised here what with Elf and safety we'll probably have a single rocket fired from a milk bottle for the fireworks.:rolleyes:

Grav
11-08-2008, 12:38 PM
Ah, sorry, milk bottle rocket launchers have a serious instability issue and are banned.

Sir Ewok
13-08-2008, 01:08 AM
Found this while I was trawling the net. Made me laugh.....:p


http://www.vincentchow.net/1615/how-beijing-olympic-got-its-logo

Mitch
13-08-2008, 08:36 AM
London shouldn't worry about it too much...

they're good at faking stuff like the Chinese (anyone remember the River of Fire in 2000?)! :D

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/skynews/20080811/twl-olympic-fireworks-faked-for-tv-3fd0ae9.html

booie2
13-08-2008, 09:52 AM
Found this while I was trawling the net. Made me laugh.....:p


http://www.vincentchow.net/1615/how-beijing-olympic-got-its-logo

:D

teeeheeeeeee.

pale rider
13-08-2008, 10:12 AM
2012 olimpics,the venues wont be ready,the transport wont work,anyone of english decent is banned from attending,only multi cultural people are invited,and dont forget the hoste nation traditionaly wins more golds than anyone else,and a wave of home grown suicide bombers will be the only gold.prepare yourself for international shame