Happy clappies

[Mrs Reject]

Just got home after a hard morning making crap orthotics to cripple my patients with and there are two spotty odd looking people inside the porch staring through our glass front door. The other side of the door is pentacles and witchcraft paraphanalia galore.
Anyway I asked them what they wanted and immediately got a whole load of vomitus about satan and witchcraft and the perils thereof, all this after a hard mornings work.
Anyway I stopped them in mid flow and told them to bugger orf double quick or else......and bugger off they did - down the road quicker than a ferret up a trouser leg. I don't know - evangelists these days aren't what they used to be. Maybe they think witches still sacrifice people, maybe they've gone to get reinforcements, I'm off to hide behind the sofa till Mitch gets home :D

[defarter]

Well done mate, but mind they dont press charges again'st you for hurting there feelings. :D :D

[Mitch]

Just got home after a hard morning making crap orthotics to cripple my patients with and there are two spotty odd looking people inside the porch staring through our glass front door. The other side of the door is pentacles and witchcraft paraphanalia galore.
Anyway I asked them what they wanted and immediately got a whole load of vomitus about satan and witchcraft and the perils thereof, all this after a hard mornings work.
Anyway I stopped them in mid flow and told them to bugger orf double quick or else......and bugger off they did - down the road quicker than a ferret up a trouser leg. I don't know - evangelists these days aren't what they used to be. Maybe they think witches still sacrifice people, maybe they've gone to get reinforcements, I'm off to hide behind the sofa till Mitch gets home :D
They must have got a bit of a shock when they looked through the window :D could have been worse though - ya could have been dancing nekkid in the living room again :p

[Huw Beer Monster]

Sounds like my approach to the JWs knocking on the door...

"Course you can come in and chat - you don't mind the background music do you?"
"Not at all"
"I can change it if you like, got some Sabbath, Judas Priest, Ozzy, Napalm Death..."
"Ummm"
*door slam*

[TaxiDave]

Maybe they think witches still sacrifice people, maybe they've gone to get reinforcements, I'm off to hide behind the sofa till Mitch gets home :D


Crap, thats another illusion shattered.

I always find that going to the door with your dick hanging out of your flies and talking as if you don't know usually gets rid of the JW's. Not in your case though Mrs R, but you could always go the door topless...........err what was your address again.

TD goes off in search of his suit, and briefcase.

[Doro]

I used to have fun asking them simple questions from the bible like


if adam & eve only had 3 sons where did the said sons get their wives from?


if one of the commandments is 'thou shalt not kill' how come the bible also says witches should be put to death?


etc etc


used to keep me amused for a few hours

now I just say no thanks and close the door :D

[Robin]

The problem with Christians is that there is never a lion around when you need one :D




Or do as Billy Connely suggested, stand behind the closed door and shout through the letterbox "I am naked and have an erection, I will be opening the door in 10 seconds! 10, 9, 8, 7, ......." ;)

[Mitch]

how come the bible also says witches should be put to death?
That just proves how shyte the bible is, as that was a mis-translation from Aramaic

It's supposed to say, thou shall not suffer a POISONER to live - not WITCH, (yeah, some of us witchy types know the bible better than they do!!)
don't get me started on the Apocrypha (all the bits they cut out!!) :D
Like ferinstance, Eve was Adam's second wife :D

[dracken1]

obviously incest was ok in those days. even the jw's agree on that part.
incest been illegal is a modern thing and only in some countries. I've always found that going to the door holding a chickhen by the legs and a dagger in your hand works ok too. :)

[Bassman]

Friend of mine in the RAF in Germany always used to get these people round his place.. and he was too timid to tell em to feck orf....
They used to get him reading from the bible and all sorts... until one day they called the morning after a particularly heavy night out, and me mate had to run and use the loo just before they called there.... the woman, (it was a bloke and a woman) asked to use the loo and she came back red faced, and they were gone within two minutes and they never came back!!!... We were staying there at the time, and pissed ourselves.... :D

[krammer]

on my front door it states quite clearly that salespeople of any kind are not welcome and still the self righteous pricks ring the bell! inevitably their opening line is 'we saw the sign but' to which i reply fuck off! and this direct approach works every time. :)

[Jay]

A Jahovas witness once called on me while I was recovering from my smash.

After a little jest of 'I didn't even see the accident mate' he changed......into a ranting raving crazed loudmouth spurting 'If you shun him - he will shun you'

to which I replied 'will I still be in his bad books if I only shun you' and shut the door.

[Dougie]

I had an old god bothering bint at the door when I was on leave after a 5 month tour of Northern Ireland.I told her what I'd seen done in the name of her god and Christ then ranted at her for half an hour not letting her get a word in edgeways.For years after that she crossed the road rather than walk past my house and did an about turn when she saw me in the street.

[Mad Dog]

When they start on about "have you considered the evil in the world and wars......."

I open about Religion causing just about every single one of them.


And the bunch that come round on a Sunday morning hoping to catch all the people who aren't at Church:-
"If I was fekking religious I'd be on me knees now in an over-expensive, over-ornate building right now, wouldn't I?"

They try to give you a leaflet with a picture of a happy family on the front
"most of mine are under the patio, and if you clear off I can finish my pointing before the cement sets !"

[Fran]

I went on holiday to Canada & stayed with relatives.Nobody warned me that they'd "got religion" & were now born again christians.They spent 3 weeks trying to convert me.It was like their lives depended on it.I tried to explain that if it made them happy I was happy for them but it wasn't for me.I was never so glad to get home even though I got stopped at customs for running through the "nothing to declare" zone.Don't know what they thought about the suitcase full of bibles I'd been sent home with.... :eek:

[Bosun]

took girlfriend down to see some "friends" of hers... all planned to stay for lunch
would you like a drink.. oooh yes i thought would be nice a cartomn of ribena and a full 1/2 hr dialaogue prior to said meal

each to their own i know... but i needed a real drinkl after that :)

[cxdemon]

I still find it strange that it's only christian based religious types that feel the need to pester people at home, are they on a percentage or summut? is christianity just a vast pyramid scheme, bearing in mind where moses came from :D

[blackhack]

easy way to get rid of jehovas witnesses is to tell them youve had a transplant.
You "cant" get into heaven if you've had a transplant or a blood transfusion
(So they say, anyway)

or you can just do what I used to do...Tell them your a Satanist and to fuck off...That really makes thier day

[GarrysPhrogg]

I still find it strange that it's only christian based religious types that feel the need to pester people at home, are they on a percentage or summut? is christianity just a vast pyramid scheme, bearing in mind where moses came from :D


Im not 100% certain on this but I think all JW's have to give 20% of thier wages.
We have a JW hall right behind our house, with just the garden and hedges inbetween, In the summer they open thier windows and doors and play that music and preach on a microphone, so i get the loudest music I can find !! One day I put on the sound track to pulp fiction, at the begining it goes something like "OK All you mother f uckers, sit down and shut the f uck up or I'll blow away every last one of you".......... ay they soon shut the windows and doors :D
Also two years ago I had grown all weeds and roses and stuff up the hedge to block out thier noise which includes car doors banging all day long and sometimes until 10pm, so they couldnt be offended when Im in the garden nekkid, so I couldnt get the pollution from thier cars etc, One afternoon in september I looked out of my back window and saw huge holes in the hedge, there was this african guy cutting it all back, so i asked him very politely "what the f eck do you think your doing to my hedge" and explained to him how I had grown it all summer to protect them from seeing me nekkid. His reply "You got cutains havent you" so I said fair enough, if you dont stop cutting it I shall have to water my hedge, and I did I soaked him with the hose pipe, everytime I saw a congregation turn up or go away I would also soak them with the hose, if they left thier windows open i would aim it through the window. What a laugh :)

Also have a sticker on my front door that says JW you ring my bell and Ill ring your neck.:D

[technoboiler]

:D oh boy,,,,,,,,,lol :p

[Mrs Reject]

GP you are awful :D :D
We went round to some friends last night to laugh at the leaflets some god-botherer had posted through their door about witchcraft. They were feckin' hilarious, really bad cartoons showing us lot as harridans possessed by demons and being floored by the "word of jesus" and writhing as if in agony. How we laughed!!! They were absolutely classic :D

[cxdemon]

We had some of thjose types at work, and just as an experiment i complained to "du management" hur hur! that i was being harrassed due to my religion, they were told in no uncertain words that they were acting illegally and could face prosecution if they continued! so.......if the jw's try it this time ( if they ever turn up here again ) i'll just say "oh can i have your name please?" and if they say why? i'll just say solicitor needs a name for the court case!
bet i'll never see em again :D

[Jay]

Yeah Or We Could Just Buuuuuuurrrrrrrrnnnnnnnn 'em!

[technoboiler]

All the kids in my street used to think I was a witch,,,,every time they called round i was making herbal tea with nettles n such,,,,I have 4 cats who 'talk'....and i use herbs and plants to heal,,,,...........HEY I AM a witch,,,,hehehehcackle cackle :p

[cxdemon]

Nah mate most Jw's are so wet they woulkdn't burn anyway, and i wouldn't waste fuel on them.must admit i haven't had any of those leaflets yet, so i wait with baited breath :D

[cxdemon]

All the kids in my street used to think I was a witch,,,,every time they called round i was making herbal tea with nettles n such,,,,I have 4 cats who 'talk'....and i use herbs and plants to heal,,,,...........HEY I AM a witch,,,,hehehehcackle cackle :p



Welcome sister :D

[Fran]

You "cant" get into heaven if you've had a transplant or a blood transfusion
(So they say, anyway)



So you can't go to heaven if you eat black pudding or haggis..... :p