joke

[bunbag]

>Bill and Tom are two Irishmen working at the local sawmill. One
>>day
>> >Bill slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench
>>saw.
>> >Tom quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Bill
>>to
>> >the local hospital.
>> >Next day, Tom goes to the hospital and asks after Bill. The nurse
>> >says, 'Oh he's out in Rehab exercising'. Tom couldn't believe it,
>> >but here's Bill out the back exercising his now reattached arm.
>>The
>> >very next day he's back at work in the saw mill.
>> >Couple of days go by, and then Bill slips and severs his leg on
>> >another bloody big saw thing. So Tom puts the limb in a
>>plastic bag
>> >and rushes it and Bill off to hospital.
>> >Next day he calls in to see him and asks the nurse how he is.
>> >The nurse replies, 'He's out in the Rehab again exercising. And
>>sure
>> >enough, here's Bill out there doing some serious work on the
>> >treadmill.
>> >And Bill comes back to work.
>> >But, as usual, within a couple of days he has another accident
>>and
>> >severs his head. Wearily Tom puts the head in a plastic bag and
>> >transports it and Bill to hospital.
>> >Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Bill is. The nurse
>>breaks
>> >down and cries and says, 'He's dead.'
>> >Tom is shocked, but not surprised. 'I suppose the saw finally did
>> >him in.'
>> >'No,' says the nurse, 'Some dopey bastard put his head in a
>>plastic
>> >bag and he
>>suffocated.'

[Bosun]

now thats funny

[Rhythm Addict]

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow copper.

He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from London and is certain that he has a better education then any Jock cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow cops expense!!

Glasgow cop says," Licence and registration, please."

London Lawyer says, "What for?"

Glasgow cop says, "Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Glasgow cop says, "Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. Licence and registration, please."

London Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

Glasgow cop says, "The difference is, ye huvte to come to a complete stop, that's the law, Licence and registration, please!"

London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my licence and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

Glasgow cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."

The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.

The Glasgow cop takes out his baton and starts beating the f*ck out of the lawyer and says, "Dae ye want me to stop, or just slow down?"

[Dougie]

Now THAT'S funny! :D :D :D