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View Full Version : Suzukirons Christmas Rant.....A present fer ye all!!


Suzukiron
15-12-2004, 07:58 PM
Christmas Rant………..

Yup hot on the heels of my birthday non-rant, comes this…..So you know the drill by now, but just incase you don’t…Engage sense of humour, Sarcasm mode to maximum, Cynicism to the extreme…
Party hats on, roast yer chestnuts if you want, and take a drink in hand (Non alcoholic please if yer gonna be driving…be safe) We shall now begin……..Brace yer self’s……..

In the beginning, In the very beginning there was a pagan festival, celebrating the winter solstice, In these lands anyway. Through time this was taken over by the Christian religions, and became known as Christmas, and it remained like this for 100’s even a 1000 years, until in the 20th century it was taken over by the greatest god of all…commercialisation. What was a holy holiday, infact the origin of the word holiday is surely obvious to all it was a Holyday, a day when you did not go to work, you went to church, worshipped your God and spent time with your family. And it was just one day, not a bloody month (if yer lucky!)
Now, well to state the obvious, we have substituted shopkeepers for priests and ministers, and shopping malls for churches (I feckin hate the Americanisation of everything but that’s what they are! And I will have a rant on this in the New Year!)
What was a celebration of a child’s birth, and now you can correct me if I am wrong here, but even the longest labour only takes a day…maybe two, god help yea woman, has now become a 3 to 4 month commercial wind up. Imagine celebrating the birth of your own child in this manner…decorating your house inside and out 3 months before the actual arrival with lights n tinsel n all manner of gaudy tack?
Just seems daft to me, and inappropriate. I think even the most fervent Evangelists would have to agree that the decorations draped over homes nowadays have absolutely no relevance to the birth of a child and the Christian festival dedicated to celebrating the event.
Most of the symbolism we use at Christmas can trace its origins to pagan times, Santa or Saint Nicholas, or what ever you want to call him existed in one guise or another since the days of the Herne the Hunter. Kissing under the mistletoe, is a pagan tradition, n one I have to say I am very fond of !!. The Christmas tree is of course a Victorian invention, and indeed that’s where the rot set in to this holiday in my mind anyway.
What other religion advertises its festivals and holidays in such a manner 3 months before the event?? Non that I’m aware of. Most save the celebrations and fireworks for the actual day of celebration…and in some case’s at the most a week…NOT bloody 3 months! Now if I was a Muslim or a Hindu, or any other religion, there’s no doubt I would find these displays highly offensive.
I watched this year, because lets say I have had an eye opening time, and I have become more aware of what is going on around me, and believe it or not the first Christmas stock was in the shops in August! Selection box’s and Annuals were the first, then at the end of September the first specific “Christmas shops” appeared selling cheap tat n tacky decorations…ffs give us a break…The scary thing is there’s 2 of these shops on the high street where I live, n they were both jam packed with women back in October!
I would like to point out at this stage, I am not anti Christmas, more I guess anti commercialisation. I have in the past done the “Bah humbug thing” but this year I’m gonna be spending Christmas and Boxing Day surrounded by friends. And I am really looking forward to it, I’m gonna enjoy the time I have, like never before. The gripe I have if you can call it that is with the commercialisation of the whole thing. I’m old enough to remember my dad going for the Christmas tree, now non of this happened till about this time (a week before Christmas) and that’s when the excitement started to build.
We used to pick holly and mistletoe, in the hedgerows and orchards, we made decorations, and table centrepieces from fir cones picked up in the forest. Good old Blue Peter eh…I guess most remember the things that they made. How many houses now have home made or natural decorations? Not many, It seems like you have to be seen to have spent lots of money, and to my mind that’s wrong, and it takes away from the spirit of the occasion. And it makes it harder and harder for those that don’t have the disposable income available to celebrate. They feel they are letting there family down, they feel like they have nothing to celebrate because the true spirit of the occasion has been lost long ago to the shopkeepers, and the TV and advertising executives..
Now people have their decorations up in mid November, and not just in the inside of their houses! You know what’s coming next don’t yah…..Yes we have jumped on the Americanisation of the UK again with the decorating of the outside of our homes…and I hate to say folks, it’s as tacky as hell. This has only really caught on in the past 10/15 years…ummmm. I think satellite TV has a lot to answer for! Again the Americanisation of the globe is evident all around us thanks to the one eyed god / babysitter in the corner…..Gee thanks Uncle Sam!!…(I know I ride an American bike, n I would love a Hummer but what the hell they gotta have some good ideas, n I’m sure they were probably created by engineers of Scots dissent, so get of my case…no ones perfect!). :D :cool:
While on this thread I have noticed that, the poorer the areas, the more external decorations there are on the houses. Its as if the people there are trying to say “look I’m not poor I can afford to spend a fortune on electricity n tacky crap to cover my home” sorry your not conning anyone except yourselves. And you are highlighting the burned out cars and crack den across the road, with your gaudy display.
I like looking at the town centres lit up at night, its bright n festive, even these weren’t lit till the last weekend in November, which is still to early in my book. And remember folks, its you that’s paying for this display, and the electricity to power it with your council tax donations!
Here’s another question, how many of these people that decorate their houses in this gaudy, over the top manner actually bother to go to church at Christmas? I can speculate, and the number is not very big in my opinion (try zero!!) :rolleyes:
Ok I’m a cynical, sarcastic old git, I admit it, apparently its part of my charm. I can’t help the way I have turned out, life’s made me like this..so all I have left to say is
Merry Christmas everybody (or whatever holiday you are celebrating at this time of year!!) And a bountiful New Year!
Be happy, enjoy the feast,
Dance and make merry
Yo Bloody ho ho…
Later Days
Ron……..

krammer
15-12-2004, 08:16 PM
ah ron, a man after me own heart! just imagine if the world was populated only by happy shiny people. :D

Santa
15-12-2004, 08:20 PM
Couldn't agree more Ron, you've expressed my thoughts on the subject perfectly. To extend your rant a little (if I may be so bold) most religious festivals have particular foodstuffs associated with them, which give kids in particular something special to look forward to. No more. A particular delight of mine as a kid was hot cross buns at Easter, and ONLY at Easter. Now they are available all year round in your local supermarket, so that's that treat ruined. Most families only splashed out on something exotic like turkey for christmas dinner, and that was the only time you had it during the year. Now it's so relatively cheap due to factory farming that you have it several times a week, another treat ruined! I'm sure others can think of other 'treats' they used to anticipate with glee which are now so commonplace that there is nothing 'special' about them anymore (except Yoda, of course, who will always be spethial :D .)

ForestFred
15-12-2004, 09:17 PM
Nice rant Ron .Santa want summat different fer yer xmas dinner try Goose in stead(mind you I think thats what you use to eatafor those gobbly bastards were discovered) or if ya fancy going on a little hunting expo come down yer an get yerself some Wild Boar

wegit
15-12-2004, 09:27 PM
f'ing hate Turkey anyway !!

Miss Demeanour
15-12-2004, 09:31 PM
Couldn't agree more Ron, you've expressed my thoughts on the subject perfectly. To extend your rant a little (if I may be so bold) most religious festivals have particular foodstuffs associated with them, which give kids in particular something special to look forward to. No more. A particular delight of mine as a kid was hot cross buns at Easter, and ONLY at Easter. Now they are available all year round in your local supermarket, so that's that treat ruined. Most families only splashed out on something exotic like turkey for christmas dinner, and that was the only time you had it during the year. Now it's so relatively cheap due to factory farming that you have it several times a week, another treat ruined! I'm sure others can think of other 'treats' they used to anticipate with glee which are now so commonplace that there is nothing 'special' about them anymore (except Yoda, of course, who will always be spethial :D .)


There is an easy answer to that. Don't buy it at any other time of the year. once upon a time, you managed without it for several days of the week... :rolleyes:

Now, I'm not sticking up for the blantant consumerism - but looking at it from a different angle - they're businesses, so they would, wouldn't they?? and if no eejit buys early decorations, then shops wouldn't waste the shelf space on them.

I will confess to starting to buy xmas pressies a few months early. In october, it's only 2 more paydays until Christmas. Kinda puts it into perspective a bit, and if more people planned a little betterm the the country's credit bill might not get people into trouble.

Everything is usually bought by the end of November, as the end-of-november-pay goes on my birthday pi$$-up, and the actual xmas travelling and the event itself.

So I like the opportunity to be a *bit* previous about the whole thing.

Aaaand Christmas has pants-all to do with Christ. Every year I hopefully expect devout christians to be celebrating the birth of their lord Jesus sometime in Sept/Oct - hopefully one year they'll get it right, so they can sod off and leave Yule alone.

'Winter is Gods way of telling us to burn more catholics'.
Edmund Blackadder II

slug
15-12-2004, 09:50 PM
Thinks i need to set aside a bit more time for this post

Like the rants BTW keep em comin ;)

Mrs Reject
15-12-2004, 09:54 PM
Quite right! We haven't put a tree up or anything instead we've brought in loads of holly and wintry stuff from the garden and arranged it all over the house and we've got a brace of pheasants to pluck and cook. We don't do presents so we'll be drinking mulled cider and toasting the Old Gods - huzzah! :D

Bosun
15-12-2004, 11:35 PM
must say Mr ron.. thats is excellent and so beautifully thought out, and couldn't agree more with santa re hot cross buns


have a good un

madastoast
16-12-2004, 12:00 AM
Being a blatant commercialist meself I've been selling christmas cards since the august bank holiday and they go like nobodies business.I have to buy the buggers in january for the christmas afer so they go on the racks as early as poss to earn some shillings back.

And i was only saying to mrs M this morning it seems the rougher estates seem to have the barmiest amount of lights 'twould seem they want to set fire to the house to achieve a little festive warmth.

Oh well got to get back to sorting the valentines cards out ready for boxing day :D

Lone-Wolf
16-12-2004, 12:16 AM
Wotcha.

Ah - the joys of being old, cynical and Pagan :)

I know I've posted this before, but happy Solstice.

Ho ho ho - have I got a surprise for you (http://www.e-sheep.com/Saturnalia/)

Doro
16-12-2004, 10:21 AM
hey santa i was saying the same thing to gypsy about tangerines, only used to get em at xmas and the smell always reminded me of xmas, not any more :(

ron you should see my comments about xmas on the gooooodddddddddddd thread Mrs R put up :D

I like pretty sparkly shiny things and lights are one of em, so I always loved December when peeps put up their lights. Yep some go way over the top, one strand of shiny things is enough (we got two lmao)

but I am the type who'd have them there all year round, tis a shame to have them only a few weeks a year. Our street has two biddies in comp. wif each other to see who can have the best display, wif tacky giant blow up santas and snowmen, yak, lights are ok twinkling away etc, but they gone overboard

but i don't agree wif yer comment about going to church, i think folk celebrate xmas now as a completely seperate thing to jesus' birth. In fact I reckon most peeps celebrate santa not jesus

if you get my drift

everything is geared towards santa (and therefore gifts) which if you think about it is going back to the more traditional (pagan?) view of 25th Dec. Santa is celebrated all over europe as a pagan figure, in some parts he's the bogey man who punishes you if you're naughty

just a pity the coka cola lot changed his garb

also a pity that so few give to poor folk at xmas, the folk with no money for their feast or no protection from the cold, in pagan times everyone was looked after, but then again, when you have nothing to give except a seat at your fire and a share of your carrots, you are more likely to do that.

how many of us make a point of buying charity cards?

me? as I said, I'm only sending one card. isn't it batter to wish folk merry xmas in person than send a card and waste TREES?

tree huggin hippy me *big grin*

anyway


HAPPY FEASTDAY EVERYONE

Shep
16-12-2004, 11:02 AM
Nothing I'd disagree with in this thread. Good rant. ;)

Me, I look on Christmas like weddings and funerals, people make the effort to get together with peeps they don't see often enough, especially relatives.

I've got cynical about all religeous stuff over the years, but I've learned to enjoy people more, and accept whatever experience they've got to offer.

Happy Festivities everyone, whatever you're celibrating! :D

thor66
16-12-2004, 12:49 PM
ron ya sad git.
ya know what 25 dec all about.

alchohol

cheers Thor

Suzukiron
16-12-2004, 06:45 PM
Aye, it was that good a rant it was ripped off...very poorly and posted on another forum!!!bitch, but hey as the guys at work said..imitation is the sincerest form of flattery....Its bollox of course, but it did put a smile back on my face! :)
I'm glad yea all seem tae like em...i have loads more, with this world and all the injustices theres more subjects to get steamed up about than there is bullets in ma gun! And i'm glad that they are taken in the spirit they are written...(mostly at work, so i'm getting paid...Bonus eh!!)
As hinted at i will be doing summat on the Global Americanisation going on, also Fashion( & fashion victims!!), maybe summat on the battle of the sex's!!then again i think that could get me into trouble...I also have one nearly finished on "Mechanical Sympathy", and of course the continuing dating game senarios including speed dating....
theres no point having, or redoing my rants on trikes or caravans or... bad engineering. I even have one on live aid, n St Bob...but thats just a wee bit of a controversial subject, and my opinion is not a commonly held one..maybe some day...maybe not...maybe I will get someone to post it for me when im dead! posthumously...that will gaurantee i dinnae get thru the gates...maybe not though?

Right, be happy all
Later Days
Lock n load..................................FIRE!!!!!!!! !!!
Ron
(f**K aiming .....if yer in the road your look out!)

ForestFred
16-12-2004, 11:57 PM
Aye, it was that good a rant it was ripped off...very poorly and posted on another forum!!!bitch, but hey as the guys at work said..imitation is the sincerest form of flattery....Its bollox of course, but it did put a smile back on my face! :)
I'm glad yea all seem tae like em...i have loads more, with this world and all the injustices theres more subjects to get steamed up about than there is bullets in ma gun! And i'm glad that they are taken in the spirit they are written...(mostly at work, so i'm getting paid...Bonus eh!!)
As hinted at i will be doing summat on the Global Americanisation going on, also Fashion( & fashion victims!!), maybe summat on the battle of the sex's!!then again i think that could get me into trouble...I also have one nearly finished on "Mechanical Sympathy", and of course the continuing dating game senarios including speed dating....
theres no point having, or redoing my rants on trikes or caravans or... bad engineering. I even have one on live aid, n St Bob...but thats just a wee bit of a controversial subject, and my opinion is not a commonly held one..maybe some day...maybe not...maybe I will get someone to post it for me when im dead! posthumously...that will gaurantee i dinnae get thru the gates...maybe not though?

Right, be happy all
Later Days
Lock n load..................................FIRE!!!!!!!! !!!
Ron
(f**K aiming .....if yer in the road your look out!)PM me yer rant on live aid an St Bob ron I've a feeling I might just agree with you
:rolleyes:

Lone-Wolf
17-12-2004, 01:05 AM
theres no point having, or redoing my rants on trikes or caravans.

Wotcha.

Indeed not.
I'll still be towing my 'dog kennel' with my trike whether you rant about it or not. :D
Ron's nightmare ;-) (http://www.moonshiners.org.uk/triketrioeant.htm)
Keep up the good work, Ron.

technoboiler
17-12-2004, 01:57 AM
well i love driving home from work at night and seeing all the christmas lights on the houses....cheers me up,,,,aint that what the winter solstise thingy was about,,,brightening the sky to welcome back the sun or summit?

and yes, i live on a council estate, where i am very pleased to say the neighbourly spirit is alive and well, as anyone can knock for a cup of sugar without feeling like a scrounger...

I think you will find that the ppl with the least amount of income are the most generous....thats what i have found to be so here anyway...

Sir Ewok
17-12-2004, 05:02 AM
Agree with 99% of rant, disagree about Xmas trees being Victorian invention. Prince Albert bought the idea of Christmas trees to England from his native Germany. It is the Symbol of the YuleTide festival with it's Yule Logs. This dates back to the pagan tree worshiping cults and so should not be entirely dismissed. Commercialism only works if you let it. I haven't bought anything yet, will be chrimbo shopping on Saturday.

Doro
17-12-2004, 09:40 AM
but thats just a wee bit of a controversial subject, and my opinion is not a commonly held one..



well Ron that hasn't stopped you before... :D

try us

I quite fancy the Bob Geldof rant

:D

also will my soon-to-be teardrop trailer be included in yer caravan rant?

or maybe cos it's pulled by a trike will suffice :D




*just wanted to keep gypsy's mind fresh about the soon-to-be tailer lol*

Gypsy
17-12-2004, 09:45 AM
*just wanted to keep gypsy's mind fresh about the soon-to-be tailer lol*

agggh feck !!! :D

Suzukiron
17-12-2004, 07:01 PM
Well i aint stopped laffin about what i have been told today...
but folks...you will be seeing the rants at some point...but lets not get carried away...There will be a New Year Rant... n i can give you a hint...The Topic is ......Alcohol, welcome to sobriety.......and is loosely based onmy being sober for the past year!!

Later Days
Ron...
(happy as hell...gotta life,)

Sir Ewok
19-12-2004, 01:54 AM
Here's something for the Goat-lovers here......

The modern Father Christmas embodies elements of the goat-god Dionysus, medieval Wodewose,Christian Saint and Odin the shamanic chief god of the Nordic Pantheon and master of 'wierd space' between worlds. He is Pelznichol (Nicholus in furs), Winterman, Bellsnickle, Knecht Ruorecht, the Janney or Papa Bois. In Britain he was Yule until Ben Johnson called him Father Christmas in his 1616 Christmas Masque. When the horned god/wildman was chosen by the church in the 6th Century to personify the devil, he was reborn in the secular world as the Fool of village festivals and Harlequin of the Commedia dell'arte.
In the Saturnalia/Yuletide fertility plays enacted in many forms across Europe, Winterman (or whoever you want to call him) is killed and resurrected, symbolising the rebirth of the light on the darkest days of the year, Sol Invictus, the undefeated Sun. The Huge effigy of Santa Claus reportedly crucified on the roof of a Tokyo department store in 1989 may have arisen from a Japanese confusion of Christian symbols, but it uncosciously echoed the annual crucifixion of Odin on 'Yggdrasil', the World Tree or cosmic axis (which in turn became the modern Christmas tree). Santa's modern appearance - "Chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf" - derives from An Account of a Visit from St Nicholas,a 56 line poem published anonymously in the Troy Sentinal (New York) on the 24/12/1823.
The transformation of St Nicholas, a lean bishop on horseback handing gifts to children in Amsterdam on his 6th December feast-day, to a plump elf was completed in the drawings of Thomas Nash in Harper's Weekly in the 1870's. He is still wearing a shaman's costume, a freshly flayed animal skin, fur inside and the bloody side outwards, although the red coat has also been linked to fly agaric, the hallucinogenic mushroom eaten by Siberian shamans. The link with Coca-Cola's trademark colours is coincidental; Santa was pictured in red as early as 1885 on one of Louis Prang's Christmas cards. For more on the shamanic origins of Santa Claus see "The last Wildman" by Phyllis Siefker.

Lapp shaman would fly in the sky by drinking reindeer piss. They would feed the reindeer psychodelic mushrooms Amanita Muscaria and tha animal's metabolism would remove the toxins from the mushrooms, but leave the hallucinogenic properties intact in the urine. The Shaman also used to paint tiny reindeer and sledges on their ceremonial drums, this allowed the shaman to ride the drum ryhthyms across the cosmic road (milky way). Christmas Eve is the most dangerous time for Lapp children. Stallo stalks the land looking for naughty children to stuff in his sack and then eat them.

Friar Tuck
19-12-2004, 06:59 AM
Ewok's totally lost the plot, completely!

ForestFred
19-12-2004, 12:15 PM
See Santa is really a goat therefore as THE GOATMASTER! I'm really Santa. So you had all better be good boys an girls by sending me all yer cash an goodies otherwise yer getting feck all fer Xmas :D

Sir Ewok
19-12-2004, 12:39 PM
Forgot to mention the Joulopukki, who instead of riding a reindeer sleigh, rides a surly goat nammed Ukko. Therefore it is also OK to ride a goat, but only on Christmas night!!! :eek:

Dougie
19-12-2004, 01:09 PM
Define RIDE! :eek:

Bosun
19-12-2004, 03:50 PM
Ewok's totally lost the plot, completely!


how dare you insinuate a plot anywhere :)