Seasional smile

[Bosun]

It is Christmas Eve and this chap is on a rooftop about to jump off.

His wife is leaving him for another man, he has lost his job and he
owes thousands of pounds to the bank.

Just as he finishes his prayers and closes his eyes, ready to jump,
Father Christmas taps him on the shoulder.

"Are you OK?" asks Father Christmas.

The man explains why he is so miserable and gets ready to jump.

"Stop!" shouts Father Christmas. "It is Christmas, I will grant you
three wishes to solve your problems on the understanding that you will
grant me a small favour in return!"

"Would you?" the man replies. "That would be wonderful!!...Thank you,
thank you!"

Father Christmas promises him that:

1. You shall go home in 1 hour and your wife will be dressed in her
sexiest underwear, begging for forgiveness and longing for your return,
she will have no recollection of her new boyfriend.

2. You shall go into work tomorrow, sit at your desk and continue with
your work. Your salary will have increased by 50%.

Also, nobody will have any recollection of your sacking.

3. You shall go to your bank and you will be ten thousand pounds in
credit, you will have no outstanding bills.

"Oh thank you, thank you!" says the man. "What is it that I can do for
you?"

Father Christmas asks the man to drop his pants and bend over.

After a quite brutal rogering, which made his eyes water, Father
Christmas asks the man how old he is.

"36" replies the man. "Ho, Ho, Ho, You're a bit old to believe in
Father Christmas aren't you!?" chuckled the fat gay bastard in fancy
dress.

[Rabid1]

Is that story true? :rolleyes:

[Bosun]

why have all the tales i had all involved bottoms?

[Bosun]

Subject: Angel

One particular Christmas season, a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip. But there were problems. Four of his elves
were sick, and the trainee elves just weren't working out.

Things got worse when Mrs. Claus told him her mother was coming to
visit. Then, when he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three
of them were about to give birth. Two others had jumped the fence and
were out carousing, heaven knows where.

When he went to load the sleigh, one of the side boards cracked and
the toy bag fell to the ground, scattering the toys. Frustrated, Santa
went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey, but
when he opened the cupboard, he discovered the elves had apparently
had a party, and there was nothing left to drink.

Just as he accidentally dropped the coffee pot, breaking it in
hundreds of little pieces, the doorbell rang. Santa opened the door,
cursing beneath his breath, and there stood a beautiful little angel with an
enormous, perfectly shaped Traditional Christmas tree.

"Merry Christmas Santa," the angel said. "Isn't it just a lovely day to be alive? Look! I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"

Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.