Bassman
11-12-2004, 07:54 PM
Proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night, the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong.
"What's that big brass gong?" one of the guests asked.
"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.
"A talking clock? Seriously? asked his astonished friend.
"Yup," replied the drunk.
"How's it work?" the 2nd guest asked, squinting at it.
"Watch," the drunk replied. He picked up a hammer, gave it an ear- shattering pound and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed: "You a$$hole .... it's ten past three in the morning!"
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Psychic?
A guy goes into a pub.... he stands next to another guy at the bar... This second guy says " Your car lights have been left on"... startled, he goes outside to find his lights were on and promptly turns them off and returns to the bar.
He thanked this stranger and asked how he knew? the second guy say's "I'm a psychic" he explains.... "I can often can see into the future and also the past.. it's sort of a gift"...
The evening is spent talking about this strange man's gift when eventually the first man say's " I wish I could do what you can do... could you teach me"?... the second guy say's "Yes, of course.. it will cost you £100.. you shall have to stay with me tonight and I will pass-on this gift"
That evening at the strangers home, he asks the 'student' to go into a bedroom and remove his clothing then lay 'face down' on the bed, which he reluctantly did (after paying his £100)
A few minutes later, the second guy comes into the bedroom and gives the guy a right seeing to in the bottom department (if you know what I mean?)
The student jumps-up and shouts! " I bloody knew you were going to do that!!" the other guy say's....................." There you go.... it's started already"
:D
"What's that big brass gong?" one of the guests asked.
"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.
"A talking clock? Seriously? asked his astonished friend.
"Yup," replied the drunk.
"How's it work?" the 2nd guest asked, squinting at it.
"Watch," the drunk replied. He picked up a hammer, gave it an ear- shattering pound and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed: "You a$$hole .... it's ten past three in the morning!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Psychic?
A guy goes into a pub.... he stands next to another guy at the bar... This second guy says " Your car lights have been left on"... startled, he goes outside to find his lights were on and promptly turns them off and returns to the bar.
He thanked this stranger and asked how he knew? the second guy say's "I'm a psychic" he explains.... "I can often can see into the future and also the past.. it's sort of a gift"...
The evening is spent talking about this strange man's gift when eventually the first man say's " I wish I could do what you can do... could you teach me"?... the second guy say's "Yes, of course.. it will cost you £100.. you shall have to stay with me tonight and I will pass-on this gift"
That evening at the strangers home, he asks the 'student' to go into a bedroom and remove his clothing then lay 'face down' on the bed, which he reluctantly did (after paying his £100)
A few minutes later, the second guy comes into the bedroom and gives the guy a right seeing to in the bottom department (if you know what I mean?)
The student jumps-up and shouts! " I bloody knew you were going to do that!!" the other guy say's....................." There you go.... it's started already"
:D