saxman
20-11-2004, 10:18 AM
As mentioned elsewhere we used to go to Glastonbury....
One year we all decide we need new tents. Someone has discovered a camping supply place with an outdoor showroom. The added advantage is it's out in the boonies.
Fast forward a few days:
We all meet up at a pub (so we've had a few...) & head out to the camping place. It's pitch black & there isn't a street lamp within 10 bloody miles.
We climb over the fence & find out that the tents have there storage bags inside, bonus!
We set out collapsing & rolling up some tents. This takes the better part of 45 minutes. The truck is parked about a mile away & one of us signals the driver with a torch.
At this point we have all the tents over the fence & most of us are on the outside...... Except me & Carl.
Carl decides that he's Rambo & does one of those *half climb/roll over the top of the fence* moves.
I can't see anything in the dark, but I reconise the sound of a fence collapsing & a body hitting the ground. I walk in the direction of the noise..... & step on the back of Carls neck. There follows a bit of cursing & he gets up. I thank him from saving me a climb over the now flat fence.
Somehow we'd all missed a HUGE fen drainage ditch on the way in..... Carl didn't have any trouble finding it on the way out tho. SPLASH! much cursing & blubbering. Carl gets to ride in the back of the truck being as he is now somewhat wet. Any idea what being soaked to the skin, in the back of an open truck, with the wind blowing, during a 40 mile drive, at night, does to a human body? Took him a week to recover & he ended up with the smallest tent.
Glastonbury......
Remember the bottle rockets? Me & Carls dad had a profitable sideline doing BIG firework shows (did the one on Midsummer Common a couple of times). We also did a bit of movie work with stuff such as Flak Simulators.... These look like a lightbulb, only bigger. Electricaly detonated by 4 or more Volts. The stem is the propelant, the *bulb* part is the effect There are 2 kinds:
1, Day: HUGE!! Bang, Very large black smoke cloud
2, Night: HUGE!! Bang, Fucking enormous orange fireball.
They are launched from a tube much like a mortar, Bob has 3 tubes mounted on the roll bar of his Moggy Minor pickup.
There's a Police helicopter flying over Glastonbury looking for drug dealers etc.
It's doing flyby's at about 500ft....
Flak Simulators explode at 1000ft.....
We have a crate full of them......
We fired off 9 rounds.....
The Helicopter left in a hurry for some reason, a Harrier turned up 10 minutes later.
We didn't fire any more off that weekend.
Plymouth....
There was some big anniversary going on. Something to do with Drake & 200 (300? 400?) years I believe.
We have 2 Ammo Barges moored in the middle of the harbor & they are FULL of electrically det fireworks, Several £1000 worth.
Everything is set. I'm on one barge along with Bob & Carl. We have miles of bloody wire all over the place & 100's of mortar tubes loaded ready to rock. They are controled by timers to the split second.
For the finale we have a 24in mortar (yes, 2ft, it's a big fooker). It's at the far end of the barge. We're not sure we want to even be in the same county when it goes off. We are in radio contact with the boss on the shore & the guys on the other barge.
The show starts, we light up Plymouth harbor like a bad night in Dresden. Everything is going great.
Then we have a 6in mortar misfire. It detonates in the tube & the entire rack falls over. The misfire was the 1st of 6 in that rack, the other 5 go off 1 second apart, except now they don't go up, they go horizontal. This causes some panic on our part as this leads to other racks being knocked over. It's all going pear shaped & **** is flying in every direction but up. Half of it is exploding on the fucking deck we're stood on & the other half is launching directly at the crowd on the shore, luckily we're a long way from shore.
We're pulling wires out all over trying to stop the mayhem, Bob is throwing batteries overboard. Me, Carl & Bob are hit several times by 4, 5, 6, & 8inch mortars, we're basicaly running around on fire. I saw Carl stop an 8in mortar with his chest & it knocked him 20ft along the deck. They detonate so many seconds after leaving the tubes so if ya get hit with one as it launches ya have 3 or 4 seconds to get out of the way before it explodes. However, there are literally dozens of the damn things rolling about the deck & they are all primed & *ticking*. We were actually picking them up & throwing them over the side. The thought that we are on a Royal Navy Ammo barge does nothing to calm any of us down. I'm hoping there isn't a pile of 4.5inch shells on board that they forgot to unload..
Then the 24in mortar goes off,
There was a muffled *phut* which indicated another bloody misfire. The mortar does manage to leave the tube, it even leaves the barge. It lands on the breakwater by the harbour entrance & explodes on impact.
Some idiot had rowed out to the breakwater for a better view of things. He was hiding behind that little wooden hut at the end of it. The mortar landed the other side of the hut. He got a VERY good look at the 24in mortar exploding, the first I knew of someone on the breakwater was when he went past me at head height with no clothes on.... screaming in agony. At that moment the fireworks finally stopped & the last sound I heard was a large splash as the guy hit the water. The police fished him out & took him to hospital.
I ask Bob where his radio is, he replies:
"Well, everything was going to hell, rockets were launching horizontally, You were on fire, so was Carl, I'm dumping batteries overboard & the fucking boss on the shore gets on the radio & says to me "er, hello? have you capsized??" at that point it went to join the batteries...."
And that is the reason there is no longer a small wooden hut on the end of the breakwater.....
The end of season party...
After the fireworks shows we'd pile what was left into the truck & haul it back to Bob's place. After the summer we'd have a HUGE pile of tubes & wooden racks. We used it for a bonfire. The entertaining part of this was that some tubes would contain unexploded fireworks. They would explode once we set fire to the pile tho....
We'd all be out in the garden having a geat time & every few minutes something would explode in the bonfire. Sometimes stuff would actually launch.
I'm stood there with 4 or 5 other idiots about 60ft from the bonfire. We're on the side of a hill. Carl is next to me. One guy drops his cigs & the EXACT second he bent down a rocket came out of the bonfire heading straight for us. It missed everyone in the group, it would have hit ciggy guy in the back had he not bent over at that moment.
He missed the rocket going past but heard the *whoosh* & saw it explode in the woods. In fact we're all looking at the woods.
Then there is a yell from further up the hill, it's Bob...
"CARLLLL!!"
Yes dad?
Ya fucking hat is on fire son!"
We all look at Carl & sure enough, the bobble on his bobble hat is fully engulfed in flames. Given his height & weight he looked like a frigging candle on a birthday cake.
Luckily several of us had glasses of beer & were only too happy to put the fire out.
Just when I think I've run out of Carl stories I remember a couple more. I think thats about it now tho....
One year we all decide we need new tents. Someone has discovered a camping supply place with an outdoor showroom. The added advantage is it's out in the boonies.
Fast forward a few days:
We all meet up at a pub (so we've had a few...) & head out to the camping place. It's pitch black & there isn't a street lamp within 10 bloody miles.
We climb over the fence & find out that the tents have there storage bags inside, bonus!
We set out collapsing & rolling up some tents. This takes the better part of 45 minutes. The truck is parked about a mile away & one of us signals the driver with a torch.
At this point we have all the tents over the fence & most of us are on the outside...... Except me & Carl.
Carl decides that he's Rambo & does one of those *half climb/roll over the top of the fence* moves.
I can't see anything in the dark, but I reconise the sound of a fence collapsing & a body hitting the ground. I walk in the direction of the noise..... & step on the back of Carls neck. There follows a bit of cursing & he gets up. I thank him from saving me a climb over the now flat fence.
Somehow we'd all missed a HUGE fen drainage ditch on the way in..... Carl didn't have any trouble finding it on the way out tho. SPLASH! much cursing & blubbering. Carl gets to ride in the back of the truck being as he is now somewhat wet. Any idea what being soaked to the skin, in the back of an open truck, with the wind blowing, during a 40 mile drive, at night, does to a human body? Took him a week to recover & he ended up with the smallest tent.
Glastonbury......
Remember the bottle rockets? Me & Carls dad had a profitable sideline doing BIG firework shows (did the one on Midsummer Common a couple of times). We also did a bit of movie work with stuff such as Flak Simulators.... These look like a lightbulb, only bigger. Electricaly detonated by 4 or more Volts. The stem is the propelant, the *bulb* part is the effect There are 2 kinds:
1, Day: HUGE!! Bang, Very large black smoke cloud
2, Night: HUGE!! Bang, Fucking enormous orange fireball.
They are launched from a tube much like a mortar, Bob has 3 tubes mounted on the roll bar of his Moggy Minor pickup.
There's a Police helicopter flying over Glastonbury looking for drug dealers etc.
It's doing flyby's at about 500ft....
Flak Simulators explode at 1000ft.....
We have a crate full of them......
We fired off 9 rounds.....
The Helicopter left in a hurry for some reason, a Harrier turned up 10 minutes later.
We didn't fire any more off that weekend.
Plymouth....
There was some big anniversary going on. Something to do with Drake & 200 (300? 400?) years I believe.
We have 2 Ammo Barges moored in the middle of the harbor & they are FULL of electrically det fireworks, Several £1000 worth.
Everything is set. I'm on one barge along with Bob & Carl. We have miles of bloody wire all over the place & 100's of mortar tubes loaded ready to rock. They are controled by timers to the split second.
For the finale we have a 24in mortar (yes, 2ft, it's a big fooker). It's at the far end of the barge. We're not sure we want to even be in the same county when it goes off. We are in radio contact with the boss on the shore & the guys on the other barge.
The show starts, we light up Plymouth harbor like a bad night in Dresden. Everything is going great.
Then we have a 6in mortar misfire. It detonates in the tube & the entire rack falls over. The misfire was the 1st of 6 in that rack, the other 5 go off 1 second apart, except now they don't go up, they go horizontal. This causes some panic on our part as this leads to other racks being knocked over. It's all going pear shaped & **** is flying in every direction but up. Half of it is exploding on the fucking deck we're stood on & the other half is launching directly at the crowd on the shore, luckily we're a long way from shore.
We're pulling wires out all over trying to stop the mayhem, Bob is throwing batteries overboard. Me, Carl & Bob are hit several times by 4, 5, 6, & 8inch mortars, we're basicaly running around on fire. I saw Carl stop an 8in mortar with his chest & it knocked him 20ft along the deck. They detonate so many seconds after leaving the tubes so if ya get hit with one as it launches ya have 3 or 4 seconds to get out of the way before it explodes. However, there are literally dozens of the damn things rolling about the deck & they are all primed & *ticking*. We were actually picking them up & throwing them over the side. The thought that we are on a Royal Navy Ammo barge does nothing to calm any of us down. I'm hoping there isn't a pile of 4.5inch shells on board that they forgot to unload..
Then the 24in mortar goes off,
There was a muffled *phut* which indicated another bloody misfire. The mortar does manage to leave the tube, it even leaves the barge. It lands on the breakwater by the harbour entrance & explodes on impact.
Some idiot had rowed out to the breakwater for a better view of things. He was hiding behind that little wooden hut at the end of it. The mortar landed the other side of the hut. He got a VERY good look at the 24in mortar exploding, the first I knew of someone on the breakwater was when he went past me at head height with no clothes on.... screaming in agony. At that moment the fireworks finally stopped & the last sound I heard was a large splash as the guy hit the water. The police fished him out & took him to hospital.
I ask Bob where his radio is, he replies:
"Well, everything was going to hell, rockets were launching horizontally, You were on fire, so was Carl, I'm dumping batteries overboard & the fucking boss on the shore gets on the radio & says to me "er, hello? have you capsized??" at that point it went to join the batteries...."
And that is the reason there is no longer a small wooden hut on the end of the breakwater.....
The end of season party...
After the fireworks shows we'd pile what was left into the truck & haul it back to Bob's place. After the summer we'd have a HUGE pile of tubes & wooden racks. We used it for a bonfire. The entertaining part of this was that some tubes would contain unexploded fireworks. They would explode once we set fire to the pile tho....
We'd all be out in the garden having a geat time & every few minutes something would explode in the bonfire. Sometimes stuff would actually launch.
I'm stood there with 4 or 5 other idiots about 60ft from the bonfire. We're on the side of a hill. Carl is next to me. One guy drops his cigs & the EXACT second he bent down a rocket came out of the bonfire heading straight for us. It missed everyone in the group, it would have hit ciggy guy in the back had he not bent over at that moment.
He missed the rocket going past but heard the *whoosh* & saw it explode in the woods. In fact we're all looking at the woods.
Then there is a yell from further up the hill, it's Bob...
"CARLLLL!!"
Yes dad?
Ya fucking hat is on fire son!"
We all look at Carl & sure enough, the bobble on his bobble hat is fully engulfed in flames. Given his height & weight he looked like a frigging candle on a birthday cake.
Luckily several of us had glasses of beer & were only too happy to put the fire out.
Just when I think I've run out of Carl stories I remember a couple more. I think thats about it now tho....