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Jonnyfp
16-11-2004, 09:43 PM
A major Hurricane (Shazza) measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit in the early hours of Monday. Epicentre: Basildon, Essex.

Victims were seen wandering around aimless muttering "faaackin ell" ...


The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage.



Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish Costa's were damaged beyond repair.



Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giro arrived.


Essex FM (County Radio Station) reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Basildon.


One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning."


Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as normal.The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000
crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals.

Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.


HOW CAN YOU HELP?



This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster.



Clothing is most sought after, items most needed include:

Fila or Burberry baseball caps
Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
Shell suits (female)
White sport socks
Rockport boots
Any other items usually sold in Primark.
Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include:


Microwave meals
Tins of baked beans
Ice cream
Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew
22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms
£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9
£5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

"Breaking news" Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in Claret - "where are you bleeding from?" they asked -



"ROMFORD" said the girl, "woss that got to do wiv it?"

STEViE
16-11-2004, 11:07 PM
:D :D :D

Ha! Ha! Ha!


Jonny, you're obviously on better drugs than I.

dracken1
16-11-2004, 11:30 PM
speaking as someone who is on englands hit list.
it's nice to see that johnny will now be keeping me company :D :(

TaxiDave
17-11-2004, 12:40 AM
speaking as someone who is on englands hit list.
it's nice to see that johnny will now be keeping me company :D :(

Wynne, you're not on Englands hit list. A fine upstanding ex-Black Country gent such as yourself who only recently moved to Wales and adopted their subculture and dialect, in a bid to escape the wrath of the fathers of the fifteen pregnant college students from Dudley who you left behind. :D

blackhack
17-11-2004, 12:48 AM
could have sworn I posted this before........

http://www.100-biker.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=2258

Rogue Monkey
17-11-2004, 12:51 AM
A comprehensive and insightful observation on the socio-cultural attitudes pertaining to a southern region of the United Kingdom. :p :D

dracken1
17-11-2004, 01:07 AM
Dont ever tell anybody that they`re not Free, cos they`re gonna get real busy Killing and maiming you to prove to you that they are!

IKNEW I I'D HEARD THAT LATELY
jack nicolson in easyrider??

Jonnyfp
17-11-2004, 01:11 AM
could have sworn I posted this before........

http://www.100-biker.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=2258

Nah thats glasgow. :D

Rogue Monkey
17-11-2004, 01:28 AM
Dont ever tell anybody that they`re not Free, cos they`re gonna get real busy Killing and maiming you to prove to you that they are!

IKNEW I I'D HEARD THAT LATELY
jack nicolson in easyrider??
Spot on Dude! :o Top Film! :D

Shudy
17-11-2004, 07:26 AM
£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9

Not in Essex it won't!