saxman
15-11-2004, 08:15 PM
The Car Race:
Me & a mad Irishman (Jimmy) in a mini, Carl, his dad (Bob) & Bob's girlfriend in a Moggie Minor pick up. Carl is in the back....
We're racing from Diss in Norfolk back to Cambridge. We're ahead of Carl & Bob.
For some reason Jimmy decides to *fake a breakdown to freak em out*. We screech to a halt on the A45 near Newmarket, leap out & raise the bonnet. We're stood there looking bewildered as they pass us. We're at the bottom of a hill. Carl & Bob stop at the top of the hill. We see much arm waving from Carl in the back of the pick up, they are at least 1/2mile away. Suddenly Carl gets out of the truck & starts running down the hill towards us.
Jim says *wait for it.....*
we wait...
We wait until Carl is about 100ft away, slam the bonnet shut, leap back in the Mini & haul ass. Carl looks confused, As we pass the Moggie, Bob (having sussed our cunning plan) already has it started & is pulling away.
It took Carl another 6 hours to hitch a ride home, he wasn't very happy....
Stilt Walking:
At the same party as the strobe/fireworks episode...
Carl finds 2 9ft long curtain rods, they had been holding up what is now a smoldering pile of ash in the front yard. He thinks they would make good stilts. Carl doesn't understand the principle behind stilts. Namely, that they have somwhere to put your feet.
He stands on the arm of the couch, sticks the end of a curtain rod in each armpit & sets forth. Legs flailing, he falls over.. repeatedly.
Carl is one of those *scruffy buggers* with all the sartorial elegance of a homeless bum. He's wearing TWO pairs of Levi's. The outer pair being so shreaded that they are little more than rags. I point out to him that the reason for his failure is his legs swinging about & suggest that he slide the curtain rods between the 2 pairs of Levi's. His dad looks at me & furtively pulls a camera out of his pocket.
We get the curtain rods up his levi's & out the holes near the front pockets, Carl stands on the arm of the couch again, He sets forth. He makes one step & looses his balance, However, with the rods up his trouser legs he can't put his feet out to stop the fall. The guy who owns the house realises Carl is going to land in the middle of the coffee table. Halfway to the floor, the doorbell *rings* & everything goes into slo-mo. He heroically pulls the coffee table out of the way just in time & Carl plunges face first into a marble fireplace instead. The end of one curtain rod hits the end of the coal shovel in the fireplace. There is a lump of coal on the shovel. The lump of coal smashed the chandelier, the shovel went thru the speaker on the front of the television.
I'm on the floor CRYING with laughter. LMFAO
The Night He Lost His Virginity......
Carl arrives home with some Fen Rd slapper from Cambridge (No, it wasn't Eccles, LOL). He promptly heads off to his bedroom with said slapper. Carl has a brother, Ricky...... Ricky, Bob & I are downstairs watching TV. Ricky grabs his ghetto blaster & heads up the stairs. There's a bit of shouting & Ricky returns without the ghetto blaster. He keeps checking his watch. After 45 minutes he goes upstairs again & returns with the GB. He extracts a tape.
He then explains that the first time he went upstairs he'd openned the door to enquire if Carl & the gal would like a cuppa tea, On being told to bugger off he left the GB in the room, with *record* pressed....
He then returned 45 minutes later to get it before the tape clicked off alerting Carl & the gal....
Ricky puts the tape into the stereo & rewinds it. He presses *play*........
.....just as Carl & the gal enter the room....
No one says a word, there is much grunting issuing from the stereo.
Carl says *This is good, where'd ya get the porn tape?"
The gal realises whats going on & storms off. Carl ignores her departure.
Carl is really liking this *porno tape*.......
right up until the part where they started talking....
Her: "Did you cum?"
Carl: "Well, either that or I think I pissed myself"
I fell off the fucking couch I was laughing so hard, Bob has tears rolling down his face, Carl is beating the living snot outta his brother.
He never dated her again for some reason, altho me, Ricky & Bob all nailed her over the next few weeks. Gotta love those Fen Rd slappers
Still want some more?
:D
Me & a mad Irishman (Jimmy) in a mini, Carl, his dad (Bob) & Bob's girlfriend in a Moggie Minor pick up. Carl is in the back....
We're racing from Diss in Norfolk back to Cambridge. We're ahead of Carl & Bob.
For some reason Jimmy decides to *fake a breakdown to freak em out*. We screech to a halt on the A45 near Newmarket, leap out & raise the bonnet. We're stood there looking bewildered as they pass us. We're at the bottom of a hill. Carl & Bob stop at the top of the hill. We see much arm waving from Carl in the back of the pick up, they are at least 1/2mile away. Suddenly Carl gets out of the truck & starts running down the hill towards us.
Jim says *wait for it.....*
we wait...
We wait until Carl is about 100ft away, slam the bonnet shut, leap back in the Mini & haul ass. Carl looks confused, As we pass the Moggie, Bob (having sussed our cunning plan) already has it started & is pulling away.
It took Carl another 6 hours to hitch a ride home, he wasn't very happy....
Stilt Walking:
At the same party as the strobe/fireworks episode...
Carl finds 2 9ft long curtain rods, they had been holding up what is now a smoldering pile of ash in the front yard. He thinks they would make good stilts. Carl doesn't understand the principle behind stilts. Namely, that they have somwhere to put your feet.
He stands on the arm of the couch, sticks the end of a curtain rod in each armpit & sets forth. Legs flailing, he falls over.. repeatedly.
Carl is one of those *scruffy buggers* with all the sartorial elegance of a homeless bum. He's wearing TWO pairs of Levi's. The outer pair being so shreaded that they are little more than rags. I point out to him that the reason for his failure is his legs swinging about & suggest that he slide the curtain rods between the 2 pairs of Levi's. His dad looks at me & furtively pulls a camera out of his pocket.
We get the curtain rods up his levi's & out the holes near the front pockets, Carl stands on the arm of the couch again, He sets forth. He makes one step & looses his balance, However, with the rods up his trouser legs he can't put his feet out to stop the fall. The guy who owns the house realises Carl is going to land in the middle of the coffee table. Halfway to the floor, the doorbell *rings* & everything goes into slo-mo. He heroically pulls the coffee table out of the way just in time & Carl plunges face first into a marble fireplace instead. The end of one curtain rod hits the end of the coal shovel in the fireplace. There is a lump of coal on the shovel. The lump of coal smashed the chandelier, the shovel went thru the speaker on the front of the television.
I'm on the floor CRYING with laughter. LMFAO
The Night He Lost His Virginity......
Carl arrives home with some Fen Rd slapper from Cambridge (No, it wasn't Eccles, LOL). He promptly heads off to his bedroom with said slapper. Carl has a brother, Ricky...... Ricky, Bob & I are downstairs watching TV. Ricky grabs his ghetto blaster & heads up the stairs. There's a bit of shouting & Ricky returns without the ghetto blaster. He keeps checking his watch. After 45 minutes he goes upstairs again & returns with the GB. He extracts a tape.
He then explains that the first time he went upstairs he'd openned the door to enquire if Carl & the gal would like a cuppa tea, On being told to bugger off he left the GB in the room, with *record* pressed....
He then returned 45 minutes later to get it before the tape clicked off alerting Carl & the gal....
Ricky puts the tape into the stereo & rewinds it. He presses *play*........
.....just as Carl & the gal enter the room....
No one says a word, there is much grunting issuing from the stereo.
Carl says *This is good, where'd ya get the porn tape?"
The gal realises whats going on & storms off. Carl ignores her departure.
Carl is really liking this *porno tape*.......
right up until the part where they started talking....
Her: "Did you cum?"
Carl: "Well, either that or I think I pissed myself"
I fell off the fucking couch I was laughing so hard, Bob has tears rolling down his face, Carl is beating the living snot outta his brother.
He never dated her again for some reason, altho me, Ricky & Bob all nailed her over the next few weeks. Gotta love those Fen Rd slappers
Still want some more?
:D