The Never Ending Story

[slugonamission]

Ok, somebody make up the next line to the one above (if you didnt already know)

One day, Jack woke up (crap starter, but hey, lets see what happens)

[madastoast]

...and got out of bed...

[Bosun]

kicked jill by mistake..

[TaxiDave]

.. but nevertheless she started as easily as his old Bonneville

[Bosun]

and the fluids started pumping

[TaxiDave]

He cocked his leg over and ......

[Bosun]

straddled the throbbing....















are you sure this shouldnt be mmoved to c18?
(oops sorry sluggy cant go there) :(

[TaxiDave]

beast before putting its lead on and taking it for a its morning walk .....

[Bosun]

fido was a bloody big dog

[TaxiDave]

and Jack cringed when it was Fido's turn to go on top .....

[dracken1]

oh my god fido, your not wearing protection, what will happen if......

[TaxiDave]

you fall off and bump your .......

[Yoda]

Big Purple Head On..

[Qwyplain Dhark]

the vicars ormanmental

[Dougie]

Cuckoo clock?

[Sir Ewok]

Mooooo! Mooo! went the clock, it was.....

[TaxiDave]

... breakfast time for.............

[Dougie]

The Royal Scots Dragoon Guards..

[TaxiDave]

so they settled down to eat Jill's .........

[Fran]

Piping hot muffins.....

[slugonamission]

Which burnt his big...

[Bosun]

..issue which set the fire alarm off..

[Yoda]

which in turn started a series of events that were both Erotic AND Strangley worrying..the first event was....

[Dougie]

The release valve on his.....

[TaxiDave]

surgically implanted pump up penis ...........

[Bosun]

went into overdrive..

[Dougie]

But malfunctioned and......

[dracken1]

ended up penertrating his own....

[Dougie]

Left eardrum....

[dracken1]

it then prceeded to exit via his left nostril, it was at this point when he thought to himself...

[Yoda]

....'Have i got man tits'

[Fran]

...he mumbled inexplicably but reached down and...

[Yoda]

saw the surgically implanted pump up penis go all Limp

[Fran]

...so he reached for his trusty puncture repair outfit when suddenly....

[Dougie]

a murder of crows landed beside.......

[Fran]

...him and carried the repair kit off,leaving him to handle...

[saxman]

2 dozen rampant amazon women, when----

[Freak]

as if by magic....the shop keeper arrived.

[Yoda]

And jack was sent into the changing room with just a skimpy bra and a thong

[TaxiDave]

... he put them on and went out of the secret door only to find himself in ........

[Fran]

....in the back of Dave's taxi where he soon found the meaning of...

[TaxiDave]

... fuck off out if you can't afford the .....

[Dougie]

national debt of Mexico....

[Bosun]

which is cheaper than

[Fran]

...paying his council tax....but could he still afford to...

[Qwyplain Dhark]

put petrol in

[Dougie]

His long johns in order to......

[Yoda]

ignite it..so he would consider himself HOT

[Dougie]

However.....

[TaxiDave]

.... he unzipped his flies ........

[dracken1]

and holding his limp penis in one hand and a fayji fried egg sandwich in the other, he....

[TaxiDave]

got on his unicycle and ............

[Dougie]

Headed towards the convent school singing.........

[TaxiDave]

"anyone want to see some puppies" , while wanking himself off with his .....

[Fran]

....rapidly cooling egg sandwich....suddenly he was put off his stroke by...

[ForestFred]

two cats overtaking him on a Triumph Rocket 3

[Yoda]

followed on a honda vision by 3 ninja turtles armed only with

[ForestFred]

a copy of bumbiters weekly and a ferret

[dracken1]

pulling up outside n.o.10 downing street, he knocked on the door which was answered by...

[Yoda]

the biggest puppet he ever did see

[Bosun]

who said it there brown sauce on that sandwich?...

[TaxiDave]

To which he replies " Hiya Tony, wheres ??" ......

[Yoda]

the holy chalice of eternal youth

[Bosun]

"i told you not to mention my fetishes" saiid tony as he

[Yoda]

rubbed silver polish into cherie's dishes

[Dougie]

"Where is the ugly bint?" asked Jack.....

[Yoda]

she is out at the pictures with uncle osama seeing Barbie the prince and the pauper

[poridge wog]

replied the puppet, pulling on his waders

[Dougie]

"I suppose the taxpayer is coughing up for this?" Jack asked disgustedly.....

[dracken1]

of course they are, the peasents have had it to easy for years. whats that in your trousers?...

[Dougie]

"A hand grenade,we are the Taxpayers' Liberation Front" Jack screamed as he pulled......

[oggers80]

a wheelie on his....

[Bosun]

stanley steamer.. this suprised the

[Dougie]

Chimp who was stoking the fire with his.......

[TaxiDave]

overly large left testicle, while chewing on a .........

[ForestFred]

rather large nipple he had found in............

[acidpixie]

...his mouth, which really, rather suprised him.. so much that he..

[Sir Ewok]

accidently pulled the throttle wide4 open, causing the man with the red flag to..........

[TaxiDave]

run up his own arse, which was quite an accomplishment because ..........

[Yoda]

It had been sewn up 3 days before

[Sir Ewok]

The steamer reached terminal velocity (27.32 Mph) And disappeared in a.........

[Huw Beer Monster]

Puff of smoke down a railway tunnel that had suddenly appeared in...

[Freak]

.....front of them, "Bloody hell" cried.....

[Santa]

the fat controller as he.........

[Yoda]

rammed thomas into the local station

[Jonnyfp]

....suddenly without warning, John Holmes....

[Yoda]

pulled out without warning, resulting in...

[Jonnyfp]

...Thomas spilling his load all over the...

[Huw Beer Monster]

Boiler in front of him...

[Jonnyfp]

..the ensuring mess resulted in passengers spilling there loads..

[Huw Beer Monster]

Into the surrounding countryside

[Santa]

causing a horrendous mud slide, which............

[TaxiDave]

killed 73 illegal immigrants who were ..........

[slugonamission]

quite happily (o god, what have i started :o :D )

[Huw Beer Monster]

Cockle picking

[Yoda]

which wasnt actually picking Cockles but a Silly game at the first 100% biker rally

[Jonnyfp]

..which involved Grav and a big pool of custard..

[Bosun]

the coach making girls swoon..

[TaxiDave]

and bungy jumping off Morecambe harbour wall, while eating ........

[Dougie]

half a dozen deep fried Mars Bars....

[Sheltie]

Deep fried mars bars...

[TaxiDave]

are really severred illegal immigrants ....

[slug]

meanwhile...on the far off lands of...

[Bosun]

penge.. the confectionery police

[TaxiDave]

are hunting endlessly for ...........

[madastoast]

the jelly baby smugglers who.........

[Bosun]

have been known to be so cruel as to..

[Freak]

lick the faces off their own kind in a bid to....

[Bosun]

disquise them as wine gums...however

[Huw Beer Monster]

wine gums were being reclassified by the EU as there was no alcoholic content as "gelatine based fruit flavoured sweets with the names of alcoholic drinks embossed on one side"...

[ForestFred]

The Albion Liberation Front took exception to EU interferance and told them to bog off,The Front then.................

[Dougie]

Got in his Heinkel bubble car to......

[Bosun]

avoid the vegans complaining about the use of gelatine
so with a put oputt put our hero....

[Friar Tuck]

Donned his kevlar flak jacket and strapped on his.............

[TaxiDave]

Chastity belt and ...............

[boo]

Boo ............. it went tits up......

[Fran]

so he turned to plan B which was....

[ForestFred]

very similar to plan a but involved custard ,marigolds and an egg whisk which...

[Dougie]

With a little imagination and good old British bodging became...

[Jonnyfp]

The unMighty Grav!!... :D

[ForestFred]

abley assisted by the Midget Mitch who had been just recently released from......

[slug]

The clutches of an overly large.............

[STEViE]

mechanical statue of Margret Thatcher .......

[slug]

which due to a serious rust problem in the.......

[Qwyplain Dhark]

nether regions had a serious leakage problem which stained...

[acidpixie]

the genital areas of the figure bright red, looking for all the world as if..

[TaxiDave]

that period of her government had ended because ....

[Bosun]

the monster raving party now ruled by default as ..

[Sir Ewok]

Nobody could be arsed to vote anymore. All the major parties were..........

[Huw Beer Monster]

Chocolate teapots

[Dougie]

Not flying teapots because any remaining Pot Head Pixies buggered off back to the planet Gong where they......

[TaxiDave]

picked their remaining few mushrooms and .........

[Bosun]

took a short trip to..

[TaxiDave]

Wales. Upon clearing customs they .......

[Yoda]

Headed straight towards JW Motorcycles, where they met

[TaxiDave]

a small elfic like creature who is the proprietor, he shook their ......

[Yoda]

Penis's until they went limp

[TaxiDave]

Then started shaking his own until ..........

[Yoda]

it resembled something that looked like a small gurkhin

[TaxiDave]

which he sliced up and sold to McDonalds who put it on their .......

[Dougie]

slices of fruit toast (eeurrgh!!!) which were made in Guatemala by.....

[Santa]

tiny orange pixies, who on their day off liked to....

[Yoda]

play with Lesbian pygmy chavs dressed in burberry because

[STEViE]

they just did, okay ???

Meanwhile, back in the workshop of The unMighty Grav .....

[ForestFred]

The Treacle Tricicle was getting the once over from....

[Yoda]

Pat who was going to do a feature in 100%....

[TaxiDave]

on lesbian, pygmy, bikers from ......

[ForestFred]

the inside of Taxi Daves cab .where...

[TaxiDave]

she decided to do the feature naked apart from a rose stuck up her .......

[ForestFred]

left nostral, due to the fact that.......

[Dougie]

She had a Vick's Sinex stuck up her right one to stop her.....

[Jay]

From fallin asleep as she cooked turkish delight, dressed only in her wellington boots while smearing...............

[BlackPig]

...vegemite,tabasco and sprout sauce into the crevice between......

[TaxiDave]

her first and second chin ......

[Jay]

a dolls earlobes. A strange thing for the vicars wife to bbe doing 3 minutes before the choir were supposed to be.........

[TaxiDave]

kneeling in front of the vicar, and asking for ........

[Fran]

him to dip them in chocolate & get ravished by a gang of wandering lesbian gypseys...

[Jay]

who tarmac kitchen floors with leftover stale sherry and burn big holes in your favourite socks. just so that....

[madastoast]

your toes rub on the inside of ........

[Bosun]

their patent leather slingback wellies, which complimented their diamante..

[Friar Tuck]

*POP!*

It's all a dream thought Jack, as he took another swig of the MINIATURE bottle of............

[madastoast]

nipple rings that they wear when......

[Sheltie]

the north wind doth blow and ice nips the air.....

[STEViE]

an' it's too bloody cold to wear feck all out there .....

[Rogue Monkey]

an' it's too bloody cold to wear feck all out there .....
Shouted a voice into the frosty night! Accross a thick white carpet of snow covering the side walk ran a single line of footprints. A door slammed shut, the sound muffled by the thick falling snow, Silly monkey knew he would have to follow these footprints! He lit a ciggarette and gazing into the falling snow................................... :confused:

[Dougie]

Thought bugger this for a game of soldiers,I'm going to........

[BlackPig]

....give the bishop a good bashing,and then skin up,but just at the very delicate moment when..........

[Huw Beer Monster]

The rolling occurs, his papers split, spilling...

[Rogue Monkey]

The rolling occurs, his papers split, spilling...
great wads of.............tobacco all over his frozen hands! Bugger he thought again as he set off at a trot to follow the mysterious footprints. He didnt get far! Forgetting his pants were still round his ankles he fell face first into........

[Huw Beer Monster]

A small box full of rocking horse sh!t, which had the words "100% Pat" written on it. "Yup, that's about right" he said. He vowed revenge for this humiliation and went...

[Jay]

home for a DANGER-WANK, you know the one where you get yourself ready in your bedroom and then shout your Mum to come up from downstairs, trying to blow your tanks before she opens the door. Yes, for sure, this was some mood he was in, living life on the edge like some high-flyin, truffle-snuffing Creme-de-methe drinking teenager from............

[Huw Beer Monster]

Gloucester, South West England, The United Flippin Kingdom...

[TaxiDave]

which is where Jordan and Peter Andre are about to purchase a ......

[slugonamission]

rocking horse, which is the only ever one known to...

[Dougie]

get off its rockers and win the.........

[wegit]

sexual attention of Sharon Osbourne who is quite partial to .....

[Dougie]

A haggis supper with a deep fried Mars bar washed down with 3 gallons of.......

[Friar Tuck]

Home made prune wine.................

[slugonamission]

which is not actually made from prunes, more made from a hellish mixture of...

[ForestFred]

last years left over xmas sprouts a good helping of used cat litter and a small dollap of...

[Bosun]

clotted creme and tabasco,, this years vintage was not so good so they had to suffer...

[Fran]

....terrible flatulence even worse than anything Fayji had produced....

[Dougie]

Which was so bad the UN inspectors had......

[slugonamission]

deemed it as Britan's weapon of mass destruction, which quickly led to...

[Dougie]

The US Army invading North Uist,thereby.....

[TaxiDave]

giving George W Bush an even smaller ..............

[slug]

grip on the......

[TaxiDave]

cock of Tony Blair, who was licking Cheri's ..........

[Grav]

Slimy and very smelly.............

[Bosun]

left multi pierced nipple.. that was attatched by a chain and a flesh bore to..

[Grav]

a rather deformed and mis-shapen.........

[Bosun]

left testical of tonys which when the chain was tugged

[ForestFred]

caused a very foul smelling green liquid to spout from....

[TaxiDave]

his nose, which surprised many of his ministers because ........

[ForestFred]

They actually thought he was full of sh1t.but what was more surprising was that his wife......

[TaxiDave]

had three tits, one for each of the ..........

[Friar Tuck]

Newly formed Ministry for Bull****, which immediately issued a health warning against.............

[Fran]

...riding motorbikes with a view to an all out ban,but they hadn't considered...

[Bosun]

the super powers of Polly Pooface, Captain Semolina and the entire ....

[wegit]

Klingon Empire who were just waiting to.....

[Huw Beer Monster]

get their copies of Alan Titchmarsh's new book signed in the Lewisham branch of Smiths, before

[TaxiDave]

Mr Chaz blindly barbecued it and then ..........

[Bosun]

caught the wrath of charlie dimmock who lunged at him causing..

[Yoda]

severe bruising caused by here excessive use of 'air bags'

[TaxiDave]

and the Health and Safety Executive already had warned them about .....

[Dougie]

The insanity of certain threads on this forum as......

[Bosun]

salvadour dali once said..

[Dougie]

this is stupendously groovy acid man,where...........

[Bosun]

did you learn to bungy jump like that..
oh its easy said the penguin as he shot past riding on the back of a ....

[Dougie]

Wallis autogyro,bought from.......

[Bosun]

ewok and tuck.. the only worry was he relly only wanted a ..

[Dougie]

Pifco electric fan,but.....

[TaxiDave]

he'd make do, until UPS delivered the Yamaha FS1E frame that he was using as a base for his ......

[Dougie]

Faster than light drive powered.......

[TaxiDave]

... shetland pony sized trojan horse. Feck off Helen of Troy he bellowed as he rolled up his trouser legs and ..........

[Dougie]

Proceeded to lick the fluff off his tomcat's.......

[TaxiDave]

about to be castrated left bollock. Why oh why didn't he think of .......

[Dougie]

logging off his computer,going outside and......

[TaxiDave]

shagging that sheep who kept giving him the eye. She was asking for it. I'm sure the RSPCA wouldn't mind if he quickly .........

[Dougie]

dressed her as Bishop Desmond Tutu,

[Fran]

...taking bashing the bishop to a new level but would Nelson Mandela .....

[wegit]

approve of such behaviour ?? I doubt it. He is far too busy worring about...

[Jonnyfp]

clout......

[Dougie]

As they're the "Substitute" for the Springboks' scrum's tight five as Ollie La Rue and Os du Randt........

[Fran]

...are the two little boys with two little toys each had a wooden....

[Bosun]

spike to sit upon.. each one clad in..

[Fran]

...Lederhosen with studs on the inside...

[BlackPig]

..........,diamond tipped ones,..........

[Jonnyfp]

that they thought where good...

[Fran]

... butt plug pants they had tried earlier...but Ann Summers came to the rescue with...

[BlackPig]

...........the last mythical Peruvian.......

[Jonnyfp]

stop movin the bloody goal posts fran lmao!

[Fran]

...said Jack as he scored an own goal....
(ha ha ha JFP...you boys might go too far but I start too far & the rest is just talent....!!!)

[Jonnyfp]

and huffed 'Everybody knows i'm the only gaaaay in this village'..

[BlackPig]

Meanwhile back at the ranch............

[Jonnyfp]

..gwendalyn was riding bearback on a ..

[Sir Ewok]

He got stuck into inseminating the cattle, which led to his arrest and cosequent trial. Meanwhile in a dark, damp............

[Fran]

...cabbage patch,taxi Dave found there was more to life than tips when...

[Dougie]

Rammstein performed their latest stage show in the back of his cab forcing........

[slugonamission]

the local residents of a town called...

[Sir Ewok]

Leper's Drop to fill their kecks with hot, steaming..........

[Bosun]

custard and brussellsprout troulade
for their master was a master chef whio went by the name of..

[slug]

shwindlecap dinfney which roughly translated means....

[TaxiDave]

Ainsley Harriet who's favourite white woman is .............

[Jonnyfp]

bella emberg..

[TaxiDave]

who he likes to do doggy style with the lights on because .......

[Bosun]

it took his mind off the smell...

while downstairs fran and doug...

[TaxiDave]

raped a haggis that they had recently captured and held hostage in their .......

[Bosun]

uppper most tower of the humbkle abode...
mind you they lost the east and south wings in the porrige floods of 1806..

if only thay had listened to dougs wise old mother when she said..

[TaxiDave]

half a pound of tuppenny rice is worth two birds in the bush. A lovely old woman, only spoilt by her insatiable apetite for .........