View Full Version : Drummers
A drummer walked into a shop and boldly asked the shop owner,
"I would like a '63 Les Paul with DiMarzio pickups and a Marshall amp to play it through please, a valve amp, not a transistor model"
The shop owner thought for a moment and replied,
"You're a drummer aren't you sir?"
"Why yes," replied the drummer. "How can you tell?"
The shop owner said
"I can tell because this is a Fishmongers."
:D
ernie the dwarf
22-08-2006, 06:52 PM
Lol....... :d :d
krammer
22-08-2006, 06:55 PM
been leafing through your bob monkhouse compendium of jokes 1972 have you grav? :D
Bassman
22-08-2006, 06:56 PM
One day a drummer sick of all of the "stupid drummer" jokes decided to change instruments. So he went to the local music store and said that he wanted to learn a new instrument. The store owner cheerfully replied ok and asked what he would be interested in playing. After looking around the shop he said I'll try those things over there, pointing to the accordion section.
After looking through the accordions from over an hour the shop keeper said, "Have you found what you looking for?"
The drummer replied, "Yes, I'll take that big red one over there."
The store keeper smiled and and stared laughing. When the drummer asked why he was laughing the store keeper replied, "Are you a drummer, son?"
"Yeah!" replied the drummer. "How did you know?"
"Well that big red thing is a radiator"
kitkatman
22-08-2006, 07:21 PM
..lol :D :D :D
pagan_flame
22-08-2006, 08:00 PM
Q- How do you tell when the drum riser is level?
A- The drool comes out of both side of the drummer's mouth...
Q - Why did the drummer join the band?
A - He wanted to hang out with musicians.
Q - What did the drummer get on his I.Q. test?
A - Drool.
Q - How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A - None. They have machines to do that now.
Q - "Hey buddy, how late does the band play?"
A - "Oh, about a half a beat behind the drummer."
Heard backstage: "Will the musicians and the drummer please come to the stage!"
Q - Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?
A - So you don't have to retrain the drummers.
Q - How do you know when a drummer is knocking at your door?
A - The knock always slows down.
Q - How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A - "Why? Oh, wow! Is it like dark, man?"
Q - How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A - Two: one to hold the bulb, and one to turn his throne (but only after they figure out that you have to turn the bulb).
Q - How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A - Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins.
Q - How do you get 2 drummers to play in time?
A - Shoot one.
Q - Why'd the chicken cross the road?
A - To get away from the drum solo.
Q - What do drummers use for birth control?
A - Their personalities
Q - What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
A - Gifted.
Q - Why do bands need Roadies?
A - To translate what the drummer says.
Q - What do you call a Drummer driving a Volkswagen?
A - Farfromthinken
Q - What's the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?
A - You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once!
Q - How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A - Just one, so long as a roadie gets the ladder, sets it up and puts the bulb in the socket for him.
Q - What's the best way to confuse a drummer?
A - Put a sheet of music in front of him.
Q - What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
A - You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
Q - Why are bad drummers better than drum machines?
A - You don't have to plug 'em in to get something stiff, mechanical and uninspired.
Q - What do you get if you cross a drummer with a gorilla?
A - A really dumb gorilla!!!
Q - Why is a drum machine better than a drummer?
A - Because it can keep a steady beat and won't sleep with your girlfriend.
Q - Hey, did you hear about the drummer who finished high school?
A - Me neither.
Q - How is a drum solo like a sneeze?
A - You can tell it's coming, but you can't do anything about it.
Q - What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
A - "Hey, guys - why don't we try one of my songs? ..."
Q - What did the professional drummer say when he got to his job?
A - "Would you like fries with that?"
Q - What is the difference between and chiropodist and a drummer?
A - A chiropodist bucks up your feet.
Q - What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?
A - Homeless.
Q - What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
A - About four bars by the end of the song.
Q - How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A - five. One to actually do it, and four to say how much better Lars Ulrich would have done it.
Johnny says to his mum: "I want to be a drummer when I grow up."Mom: "But Johnny, you can't do both."
Q - How do you make a flautist into a drummer?
A - You put another useless stick in his hand, and lower his I.Q. by 30 points.
Q - How can you tell a drummer is walking behind you?
A - You can hear his knuckles dragging on the ground.
Q - How can you tell if a drummer has been doing the crossword?
A - All the squares have been coloured in.
Rhythm Addict
22-08-2006, 08:59 PM
Looks like a few people have been listening in to conversations between The Beer Monsters and the idiot that drives the kit!
Oh, that'll be me then!
A letter, addressed "To the world's greatest drummer", arrives at the home of Louie Bellson. He takes one look at it, and says, "well, this is obviously not for me", and forwards it to Gene Krupa. Krupa also takes one look at it, and also says, "well, this is obviously not for me", and he forwards it as well. The letter makes the rounds of famous drummers' homes, until it finally winds up at the home of Buddy Rich. He takes one look at it, and says, "well, this is obviously for me", rips it open, and reads "Dear Ringo...."
:D
Dexxie
22-08-2006, 10:12 PM
A letter, addressed "To the world's greatest drummer", arrives at the home of Louie Bellson. He takes one look at it, and says, "well, this is obviously not for me", and forwards it to Gene Krupa. Krupa also takes one look at it, and also says, "well, this is obviously not for me", and he forwards it as well. The letter makes the rounds of famous drummers' homes, until it finally winds up at the home of Buddy Rich. He takes one look at it, and says, "well, this is obviously for me", rips it open, and reads "Dear Ringo...."
:D
hehehe..... :D
The Beer Monsters
23-08-2006, 08:40 AM
You've left out the obvious one.
Q: What do you say to a drummer with 2 black eyes?
A: Nothing, you've already told him twice.
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