Bassman
15-10-2004, 09:12 PM
Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night
A man brings home a c*ck-sucking frog and gives it to his wife. She said, "What am I supposed to do with that?” He said, "Teach it to cook then f**k off!"
Man and wife at doctors.
DOC: "Bad news, she's either got Alzheimer’s or AIDS".
MAN: "how will we know?"
DOC "Put her on a bus: if she comes back don't sh@g her".
A young man walks into a bar and orders a double whiskey, downs it in one and orders another. After eight doubles, the concerned barman asks the young man if everything is OK to which the young chap replies that he has just had his first experience of a blow job.
Ah Ah says the barman - a celebration! Let me buy you another! The young man says that if eight doubles won't get rid of the taste then he doubts that another one will!
A family took their frail elderly mother to a nursing home and left her, hoping she would be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathed her, dressed her, did her hair, fed her a tasty breakfast and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seemed OK but after a while she slowly started to tilt sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rushed up to catch her and straighten her up. Again, she seemed fine but after a while she slowly started to tilt over to her other side. The nurses rushed back and once more brought her back upright. This went on all morning. Later, the family arrived to see how the old woman was adjusting to her new home.
"So Mum, how is it here? Are they treating you well?"
"It's all right" she replied. "Except they won't let me fart."
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
:D
A man brings home a c*ck-sucking frog and gives it to his wife. She said, "What am I supposed to do with that?” He said, "Teach it to cook then f**k off!"
Man and wife at doctors.
DOC: "Bad news, she's either got Alzheimer’s or AIDS".
MAN: "how will we know?"
DOC "Put her on a bus: if she comes back don't sh@g her".
A young man walks into a bar and orders a double whiskey, downs it in one and orders another. After eight doubles, the concerned barman asks the young man if everything is OK to which the young chap replies that he has just had his first experience of a blow job.
Ah Ah says the barman - a celebration! Let me buy you another! The young man says that if eight doubles won't get rid of the taste then he doubts that another one will!
A family took their frail elderly mother to a nursing home and left her, hoping she would be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathed her, dressed her, did her hair, fed her a tasty breakfast and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seemed OK but after a while she slowly started to tilt sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rushed up to catch her and straighten her up. Again, she seemed fine but after a while she slowly started to tilt over to her other side. The nurses rushed back and once more brought her back upright. This went on all morning. Later, the family arrived to see how the old woman was adjusting to her new home.
"So Mum, how is it here? Are they treating you well?"
"It's all right" she replied. "Except they won't let me fart."
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
:D