free givaway

[dracken1]

post your favourite one liner
the one that makes my missus laugh the most (i hate one liners :D )

gets one of these, i only have them in large. you get a choice of full or half face.

http://www.mandp.co.uk/netalogue/photos/large/GWWACWWACAH.jpg

http://www.mandp.co.uk/netalogue/photos/large/GWWACWWAAAH.jpg

[Doro]

hey if you wanna give it away honey



here I am..... :D

[Doro]

PS


what's a one liner?

:rolleyes:

[Freak]

Just got a great deal on ebay, a wheelchair and a red cape for a tenner.

[Otter]

not a one-liner
http://img36.exs.cx/img36/894/pat3.gif

[100%Pat]

..............................feck off

[Bosun]

The Before, During and After pictures of the effect of snogging tg

[Bosun]

..............................feck off


sweet and to the point

otter i would lay low if i was you ;)

[blackhack]

these are my favorite jokes....not one liners, but i really could do with that face mask to "help" me in my job as a taxi driver......lol

A man walks into the local pharmacy and tells the pharmacist, "I would like to purchase some birth control pills for my 12 year old daughter".
The pharmacist looks at the man oddly and asks, "Are you telling me that your 12 yr. old daughter is sexually active?"

The man replies, "No she just lays there like her mother."
################################################## #########


First year students at Med school were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body."

For example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth.

"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them:

"The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger.
Now learn to pay attention."
################################################## #########################


A man entered a pet shop, wanting to buy a parrot. The shop owner pointed out three identical parrots on a perch and said, "The parrot to the left costs 500 dollars."

"Why does that parrot cost so much?" the man wondered.

The owner replied, "Well, it knows how to use a computer."

The man asked about the next parrot on the perch.

"That one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do, plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system."

Naturally, the startled customer asked about the third parrot.

"That one costs 2,000 dollars."

"And what does that one do?" the man asked.

The owner replied, "To be honest, I've never seen him do a thing, but the other two call him boss!"
################################################## ###


A little boy was taking a shower with his mom. The young kid pointed between his mom's legs and asked,
"Mommy, what is that?"
The mother, surprised, said, "Oh, that's where God hit me with his Golden Axe."
Quick with a response, the young boy replied, "Wow, a Golden Axe right in the ***** that must have hurt!" -
################################################## #####

[Yoda]

post your favourite one liner
the one that makes my missus laugh the most (i hate one liners :D )

gets one of these, i only have them in large. you get a choice of full or half face.
[/IMG]

PIcture the scene
Yoda sitting in wheelchair talking to a honey he is chatting up.

Yoda 2 honey
'Hiya do you realise that i had my leg amputated and this is just my willy with a shoe on the end'

Full face please

Yoda

[dracken1]

LOL OTTER
what good would one of those masks be to you?
it will be summer by the time they release you from hospital :D

[Grav]

Thats what Otter will look like when Pat rips his face off. :D

[Rogue Monkey]

This was a real quote from Nancy Reagan putting her intellect to the test in a debate about keeping the Death penelty for murder........"How many people have to die before nobody ever dies again"! Gave me laugh anyway! :p

[triker_gal]

post your favourite one liner
the one that makes my missus laugh the most (i hate one liners :D )

gets one of these, i only have them in large. you get a choice of full or half face.

http://www.mandp.co.uk/netalogue/photos/large/GWWACWWACAH.jpg

http://www.mandp.co.uk/netalogue/photos/large/GWWACWWAAAH.jpg
I dont ferkin believe it. I was looking for one of these a little while ago and now have one, ffs !!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrr .....oh the pain,,,,ohh the misery,,,,oh i'm ferkin pisssed off now :(

[krammer]

whats with the shades? scared someone might recognise ya. :p

[Jim]

To sons new girlfriend :-

So you're from Norfolk and you're still a virgin ?
Well if you're not good enough for your own family you're not good enough for ours !

[Shudy]

What do you call a chicken in a shellsuit?











An egg.

[dracken1]

whats with the shades? scared someone might recognise ya

thats not me lol thats some dude on the m&p site. i shave my head so i can't wear one as i look like a black mans willy :(

[Mrs Reject]

What do you call a chicken in a shellsuit?
An egg.

That's bad man! hahahahahaha, go and hang your head in shame! :)

[TaxiDave]

Here's my favourite one voyage liner ....................


........................ The Titanic

[BikerGran]

I'm on the red wine diet - it really works, I lost 3 days last week!

[cxdemon]

hows about, "here are you sure you aint got some Cornish in you?




"would you like some?"




well it made me laff it did.........


ok cheque please! :D

[defarter]

How do you spot a suicide bomber on a bus.............He always goes Bang before his stop....





I'll make me own way home. :o

[Rogue Monkey]

This really happened.....My ex girlfriends best mate didnt like me and I didnt like her. One day she says to me......If I was married to you I`d put cyanide in your coffee :eek: I said to her.....Gemma, if I was married to you I`d DRINK IT!............I`ll get my coat! :o

[Friar Tuck]

Did you hear about the guy who went into a shoe shop with two left feet?
He bought a pair of Flip-Flips!

[mr.chaz]

definition of a farmer: a man truly "outstanding" in his field.


think about it.............

[smeghead]

during a convo with wifey at breakfast she said pass the sugar bowl , i replied yup thats about the size of it ;)

[Jim]

This really happened.....My ex girlfriends best mate didnt like me and I didnt like her. One day she says to me......If I was married to you I`d put cyanide in your coffee :eek: I said to her.....Gemma, if I was married to you I`d DRINK IT!............I`ll get my coat! :o

First used by Winston Churchill when talking to Lady Astor ( or some other posh bird who didn't like him)

[Rogue Monkey]

No ****! :eek: I thought Winston was famouse for his "I maybe drunk but you are ugly, and in the morning, I`ll be sober"! dig at some ugly woman MP! :o
Winston Churchill .....Rooled! :p

[BlackPig]

No ****! I thought Winston was famouse for his "I maybe drunk but you are ugly, and in the morning, I`ll be sober"! dig at some ugly woman MP!
Winston Churchill .....Rooled!



This is also one of "Winnies",there are just so many of them !! :D :D

[Rogue Monkey]

I wonder what Winston would have thought about this Iraq war thing? Hmmm!just a thought. Bugger `il shut up before the thread gets hyjacked! :o

[Bassman]

THis southener's wife told him she didn't want any more kids... So off he went to the doctors, and told him... The doc said well you can have a vasectomy, but it is very expensive... a cheaper, faster way for you would be to put a large banger in a beer can and count to ten.. The southener "that won't work" , but the doc said "it will for you just try it" "Ok Iwill "... So he got the banger put it in the beer can and started to count..

one
two
three
four
five

he ran out of fingers, stopped, and put the beer can between his legs to use his other hand...

Six
seven
etc.. Could only be a southener eh? :D

[Freak]

After breaking the dining room chair I thought it best to try a new diet. The latest fad being to eat lots of wood to fill yourself up. I havn't lost any weight yet..... but I've got some fantastic stools

[BlackPig]

Come home to a nice warm fire..............



















.................buy a holiday cottage in Wales !! :D :D :rolleyes:

[davesatan]

baby you make me go from mild and gentle to wild and mental in the blink of an eye

[Doro]

As I said to gypsy this morning after he said I had a big mouth........


"yeah but you still can't fit your head in it"



ahem


:eek:

[Gypsy]

dont worry i will get my revenge :D

[Freak]

Two snowmen stood in a garden, one turns to the other and says "Can you smell carrots?" :D

[cxdemon]

Two cannibals,having a clown for dinner, ones says "Does this taste funny to you?" :D

[Teasy]

two fish are in a tank,one says to the other "do you know how to drive this f*****g thing!"

[Bassman]

"Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. " "Is it common? " "It's not unusual."

[dracken1]

ok thats enough no more.

if it was up to me doro would win with that
what's a one liner?

i mean how could anyone not fail to admire such innocense such purity.

BUT it's not me deciding its the missus, thank f**k.

will post result tomorrow

thanks everyone

[Baloo]

Two snowmen stood in a garden, one turns to the other and says "Can you smell carrots?" :D
Nooo, this should've won! :D