It just MAY happen!!!

[tease]

My daughter, Jessi, may be coming over to live!
Jessi rang me at about 4 am, I know she has been having alot of problems with her mother (term used VERY loosely). She tells me her mother said for her to come live here, now I know many times a parent will do that if they are at their wits end with a child of divorce, but this isn't the case.

Jessi is going to be 12 and to be honest? she is the adult there. Alot of crap she has told me, and she said the only reason she stayed is so her mother doesnt lose the house. I explained to her that in the divorce decree it states I pay the mortgage for that house until Jess is 18, after that the ex takes over payment (I still retain a 50% interest in it though and my name remains on the mortgage as an interest holder). Now the question isn't if the ex will lose the house, I still have to pay regardless, BUT thats NOT what a 12 year old would just assume, it IS a fact that a black hearted she bitch would TELL a kid that to keep her feeling like ****!

After I explained that to Jess she was ALOT happier, and I think more settled on moving to live with us, where she can be just a kid again and feel safe and happy. Heres fingers (and toes) crossed! I absolutely KNOW that with US Jessi has every chance at doing whatever she puts her heart to and being HAPPY, well adjusted and get the discipline that a kid needs and the love to back it, not aggression, a flow of men coming and going, a sister who is a drunk and mean and a mother who couldn't care, she can be free of all that and enjoy the freedom to just be HER.

God I know she must be scared right now, and I wish I could take the decision away from her, but I can't

By the way, she said (her words) she misses England, so another patriotic Immigrant to add to the total.

[kitkatman]

By the way, she said (her words) she misses England, so another patriotic Immigrant to add to the total.
don't talk stupid man............ :eek:

by my reckoning she has everyright to be here with a loving family thats going to bring her up right...............

i hope she moves over mate, sounds like the mother needs her head testing for saying that to her, but i suppose people will say anything to stop their loved ones moving away, all the best to her mate and may she enjoy her time in little ole blighty :D

[tease]

Don't know about testing her head, but I know a brick I could use :mad:

Throughout it all I have done my level best NOT to involve the kids into adult matters, never spoke an ill word abou ttheir mother, even when they would tell me this or that abou ther, my standard reply was, she is doing her best to get hrough her life, Im not to judge her so long as YOU are safe. Even though I SO wanted to let loose.

Being a child of divorce I know how I felt when my mother would slag off my Dad, and I know how much better I felt living with my Dad and NOT hearing anything bad about my mother.

I couldn't stand my mother (worship my Step-Mom though) but to slag a childs other parent is slagging the child, afterall that other parent is half of that kids makeup and I refuse to make my kids feel bad about who they are.

[Sludge Van Diesel]

Well said, I think she'll be just fine with you.

[kitkatman]

Very Well Said Sir,

[addjunkie]

my kids both lived with me about a year after the divrorce........was messy, got son back he wouldndt settle etc, course it was all my fault, nother years more agro etc and daughter came to live with me. it was difficult , but they seem reasonably happy and settled now, even if my son does now live on his own at 17 but hes doing ok, no drugs, pays his rent.

my ex doesnt even see why she should pay maintenace becasue i earn more than she does........only speaks to kis to get em to try to use emotional blackmail to stop my csa claim.


and to use my daughter s words to her, no i dont want to come back to live with you im happy, i feel loved and cared for here.

at the end of the day that is all any child needs, love and care and doesnt need their heads messed with at all. teenagers have enough crap in their heads with out parents rubbish. tho a good clip round the ear helps now and again with that!

but she needs to decide so when your argueing later about, your not going out wearing that, or what ever else teenagers argue about she cant turn round and say its all your fault you made me come here, i hate you!!!!!

if she decides to come to you, but at 12 it needs to be her decision, all you can do is support her and send her the ticket!!!

hope it all works out.

[tease]

I agree Add, EVERY child needs to be loved, cared for AND disciplined.

As to the ticket? I wont send her one, but will fly over to GET her, its the right way. ;)

And you are ABSOLUTELY right, it HAS to be her decision, and I have let her know that. The door is ALWAYS open, this IS her home (as well as there), but SHE has to decide to come, and has to tell the judge she WANTS to live here. Jessi fully knows that I will always be the one to say "your NOT wearing THAT" "your face is too pretty for makeup, wash it!" :D Thats BEING a parent

[xjtriker666]

good luck to ya M8 ...HOPE it works out for ya..........

[scouselee]

Tease, you is a proper Dad mate, hope she comes over to you. :)

[Bassman]

Kids need a stable home mate.. hope she makes it over...

[tease]

Thanks everyone, time is going to tell, just keeping my hopes up that she DOES.

Talked to our three here and let them know. I don't believe (generally) in keeping secrets. They are all happy that she could. They know alot of what was going on there as Jess talks to them online.

God help me I love being a DAD :D For so long in the Army I couldn't be all the Dad I wanted to be, the Army HAD to take priority, but now that phase of my life is over, I am loving being who I am, being my wifes est friend, and being a dad. Hard to explain propperly, but I want the chance to give her every chance she deserves

[Mia Wallace]

Hope it works out for both of you! :D

[tease]

Well just got a call from Jess. She decided to come over for 2 months this summer. In the hopes that if she is gone for awhile it will show them how it will be without her.

I was honest and frank with her, told her that I am sure it won't, she has been over 2 summers already and the honeymoon period of when she returns ends soon. She said she knows, but has to try.

I told her NOONE (not even me) can make this decision for her. I gave her my opinion that she would be happier here, BUT if this is the way she wants to try, then she has my support. She agreed she would be happier here than there, but the guilt installed by my ex runs deep in the girl.

I can't say Im not dissappointed in it, but there is still hope, and its not about my feelings anyway.

[Sheltie]

One thing I learned from my previous employment is that mothers a very good at passing on the guilt feeling to their kids, esp daughters. Know this as it's taking my wife quite a few years to get over this, and sometimes she still does feel guilty for her mothers problems.


Women are far better at the head games but they don't half screw up the kids. Good luck to you and yours Tease and hope it all works out for all concerned.

[Mistress Maker]

Women are far better at the head games but they don't half screw up the kids. Good luck to you and yours Tease and hope it all works out for all concerned.


i would agree ,some women are good at mind games (I,m crap at em ) BUT I really think that Fathers can play with kids heads too.My daughter is nearly 15, she grew up totally worshipping her Dad .Even thro all the cr*p I made a point of trying to protect her and not making her too aware of what he was putting me thro (mentally) .I don,t believe in using kids as pawns.So its been bout 4 years now since we split .Its now at the point where although she loves her Dad she doesnt want to see him .Why ? coz his parting shot last time she went to see him was 'Jenna (his birds 18ry old daughter!! ;) ) is a better daughter to me than you are !! '!! needless to say Kate was devastated and phnd me and Add to pick her up, when we got there she was in floods of tears .I wanted to rip his f*ckin head off!

She has actually said ,many times ,that Add is a better Dad to her than her own BUT she would never ever hurt her own Dad as to say that to him. I think she should!!

so between Adds ex totally abandoning her two and my ex playing mind games with mine I sometimes wonder how people can treat their own flesh and blood with so much nastiness ,I actually think they should be horsewhipped!!!!!

[tease]

i would agree ,some women are good at mind games (I,m crap at em ) BUT I really think that Fathers can play with kids heads too.My daughter is nearly 15, she grew up totally worshipping her Dad .Even thro all the cr*p I made a point of trying to protect her and not making her too aware of what he was putting me thro (mentally) .I don,t believe in using kids as pawns.So its been bout 4 years now since we split .Its now at the point where although she loves her Dad she doesnt want to see him .Why ? coz his parting shot last time she went to see him was 'Jenna (his birds 18ry old daughter!! ;) ) is a better daughter to me than you are !! '!! needless to say Kate was devastated and phnd me and Add to pick her up, when we got there she was in floods of tears .I wanted to rip his f*ckin head off!

She has actually said ,many times ,that Add is a better Dad to her than her own BUT she would never ever hurt her own Dad as to say that to him. I think she should!!

so between Adds ex totally abandoning her two and my ex playing mind games with mine I sometimes wonder how people can treat their own flesh and blood with so much nastiness ,I actually think they should be horsewhipped!!!!!
It does make you think.
I wonder everytime Jess rings me up. All the times she says she would rather live here, but doesnt want to hurt her mother. I say it shows great character in her, but still makes me wonder why bad people get loyalty?

[bad toad]

whatever happens mate she knows yer there for her!! and shes there for you!! hope it all works out!!! ;)

[slob]

bring her over fella . I went to find my old man in the us when I was 17 didn't work out but I had a go and it sounds a damn sitre more stable around you than with the ex.

[Dexxie]

Tease

Trust your child to make her decision. Many years after my Mum divorced my dad, I realised why - he was a knob. My Mum never expressed a judgment or opinion on the subject - the fact that Mum and dad had decided "it was best that they part" was the only reason I got. What they had not realised was that I knew they should not have been together in the first place - and that was from an early age.

Trust your daughter's instinct - she knows herself - although she may not ever express it to you. Let her make her decisions because it is her life and her life only to conduct the way she feels fit. She will make her own decisions (especially if niether parent has tried to influence her). Later on she may want to explain - or she may not.

Just let her find her way.....*

*child of divorced parents who found her own way!!

[Crofty]

Makes me appreciate my upbringing, I got a great Mum, Dad and Brother (still together) and they've shown me nothing but support. Love you Mum and Dad! (and Shaun)


not that they'll ever read this.