View Full Version : Unwanted conversations.....
.... you know the ones, your parking up taking you helmet off or trying to work out how get a microwave oven and a magimix strapped on to the back safely,............ when out of nowhere........
`course its snot a proper bike, not like in my day.........
some mad old sod with a tescos bag full of corned beef is behind you
what do you do??
I ask cos the best line i ever got from an old boy was when I was parking up my old ZED thou in Brum city centre years ago, he walks up and says,
`I were shot down by one of these during the war,
:eek: :eek:
Dougie
27-04-2006, 06:50 PM
Cos the bike lives in the street that's where I work on it.With the number of stooooooooopid questions I get I'm gonna get the back of my overalls printed up with "No,my bike's not broken,this is routine maintenance.NOW FUCK OFF!"
http://smilies.vidahost.com/contrib/edoom/flamethrowingsmiley.gif
devon-tony
27-04-2006, 07:03 PM
hello my names roy, can I have a ride
Cos the bike lives in the street that's where I work on it.With the number of stooooooooopid questions I get I'm gonna get the back of my overalls printed up with "No,my bike's not broken,this is routine maintenance.NOW FUCK OFF!"
http://smilies.vidahost.com/contrib/edoom/flamethrowingsmiley.gif
Or when you park up take your crash helmet off & a car driver says "are you just leaving.I want to park there?"Yes I'm just leaving that's why I'm taking my helmet OFF YOU FANNY!!!!!
...
I ask cos the best line i ever got from an old boy was when I was parking up my old ZED thou in Brum city centre years ago, he walks up and says,
`I were shot down by one of these during the war,
:eek: :eek:
Now, as the Imperial Japanese Army used Kawasaki Ki-61 and Ki-100 fighter planes, he might have had a point... :D
One I used to get a lot was "I used to ride one of those in the war". As the bike in question was a Cossack combination, the only appropriate reply was:
"Well, you were on the wrong bloody side then."
Now, as the Imperial Japanese Army used Kawasaki Ki-61 and Ki-100 fighter planes, he might have had a point... :D
One I used to get a lot was "I used to ride one of those in the war". As the bike in question was a Cossack combination, the only appropriate reply was:
"Well, you were on the wrong bloody side then."
yes, I had the chat with him, he was in a Brewster Buffalo, a stumpy little fighter .....
it was the statement that blew me away.....
Violetmay
27-04-2006, 07:18 PM
Or when you park up take your crash helmet off & a car driver says "are you just leaving.I want to park there?"Yes I'm just leaving that's why I'm taking my helmet OFF YOU FANNY!!!!!
go Fran go Fran.....(doing that hand thing they do when cheering someone on) :D
kitkatman
27-04-2006, 07:19 PM
my neighbours.....................
are you re-spraying your bike........
as its in bits and i have a can of spray paint in my hands...........
Violetmay
27-04-2006, 07:20 PM
Toad hates is when I approach the garage and say..'So 'ows it going..?' :D
Blackjack
27-04-2006, 07:22 PM
So, I was beaten to the Kawasaki observation.
Damn.
Though I would say that it's only polite to chat to people in that situation.
For two reasons, firstly you may make it to doddery old git status yourself one day.
And secondly, when they say "I've still got my Dad's Brough Superior in the garden shed" the conversation takes on a whole new light :D
Of course the Brough Superior will in fact turn out to be a Briggs and Stratton stationary engine, but it's fun.
outside a pub with some mates, one if which owns a new CB750 (bout 10 years ago)a couple walk past the woman says`look a CB750 like the one you had before we were married,
bloke looks at it like its a turd and sez
`that not a proper Honda, not like mine
wtf!
the boatman
27-04-2006, 07:25 PM
i find if you say 'sorry i don't speak English' then while they try to work that one out stick your ear plugs in /or lid on then say sorry i can't hear you when they try again (because they will) then start your bike up and every time they speak rev the bike then shug your shoulders and drive of with the satisfaction that it's biker's 1 eeeeejits 0 :D
So, I was beaten to the Kawasaki observation.
Damn.
Though I would say that it's only polite to chat to people in that situation.
For two reasons, firstly you may make it to doddery old git status yourself one day.
And secondly, when they say "I've still got my Dad's Brough Superior in the garden shed" the conversation takes on a whole new light :D
Of course the Brough Superior will in fact turn out to be a Briggs and Stratton stationary engine, but it's fun.
that my whole point BJ, how you react in the following 10 seconds may make his/her day or put you in a foul mood for hours,........what do you do...????
yes, I had the chat with him, he was in a Brewster Buffalo, a stumpy little fighter ...
How'd he land it in Tesco's car park?? :confused:
How'd he land it in Tesco's car park?? :confused:
they have very big carparks at Tescos.....natch..... :) :D
Bosun
27-04-2006, 07:41 PM
they have very big carparks at Tescos.....natch..... :) :D
but you can only park for 3 hours :D
chazz
27-04-2006, 07:42 PM
.... you know the ones, your parking up taking you helmet off or trying to work out how get a microwave oven and a magimix strapped on to the back safely,............ when out of nowhere........
`course its snot a proper bike, not like in my day.........
some mad old sod with a tescos bag full of corned beef is behind you
what do you do??
I ask cos the best line i ever got from an old boy was when I was parking up my old ZED thou in Brum city centre years ago, he walks up and says,
`I were shot down by one of these during the war,
:eek: :eek:
one of these
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v602/chazz/23-4-2003-9-7-kawasaki_ki-100-ib_at.jpg
If you go here where the Buffalo roam (http://www.fg-warehouse.net/DOWNLOADs/FAF/buffalo.pdf) you can make one of your very own. :p
smeghead
27-04-2006, 07:45 PM
.... you know the ones, your parking up taking you helmet off or trying to work out how get a microwave oven and a magimix strapped on to the back safely,............ when out of nowhere........
`course its snot a proper bike, not like in my day.........
some mad old sod with a tescos bag full of corned beef is behind you
what do you do??
I ask cos the best line i ever got from an old boy was when I was parking up my old ZED thou in Brum city centre years ago, he walks up and says,
`I were shot down by one of these during the war,
:eek: :eek:
could have been worse he could have told you the fokker that shot him down was a messerschmidt
taxi
Gnome
27-04-2006, 09:11 PM
Usually get "How fast does it go?"
I reply - "I dunno, I close my eyes above 60mph...." :eek: :D
hardtailbiker
28-04-2006, 09:25 AM
worst one for me " I like your harley" ffs :D
"nice chopper"
"it's not a chopper"
"yeah but it's a harley chop"
"no it isn't, it's a harley sportster ... it's a custom bike not a chop. "
"right.........."
I walk off. Used to irritate the **** out of me.
bobulator2
28-04-2006, 11:05 AM
yes, I had the chat with him, he was in a Brewster Buffalo, a stumpy little fighter .....
it was the statement that blew me away.....
Ahh the Brewster Buffalo, pilot's at the time remarked the most effective way to take evasive action in one of these things was to undo the straps and run around the cockpit!
I had once repeatedly tried to bump a bike down a hill, after the third time I was pushing it back up and very close to having a coronary with all the effort when the next door neighbour walked past "wont it go" he remarked, looking up with a look of pure evil I replied "no but you better"
Violetmay
28-04-2006, 11:11 AM
Ask Toad about the neighbours who lurk whilst washing their cars... full of 'So she's not running yet', type comments. He is so polite about it.. when in his head he's thinking, 'nob'. :D
critch
28-04-2006, 11:13 AM
my mate dave was pushing his bike to our local bike workshop when another mate pulled up and struck a conversation up.... his parting shot was "see your taking your bike for a walk again dave...."then he rode off at a leisurely pace....
fair cracked me up
dave was none too amused :D
Violetmay
28-04-2006, 11:15 AM
my mate dave was pushing his bike to our local bike workshop when another mate pulled up and struck a conversation up.... his parting shot was "see your taking your bike for a walk again dave...."then he rode off at a leisurely pace....
fair cracked me up
dave was none too amused :D
it is amusing... but poor dave... :rolleyes:
ernie the dwarf
28-04-2006, 04:24 PM
worst one for me " I like your harley" ffs :D
That's co's your a porker and look like you should have a harley :D
GreatBritishRob
28-04-2006, 04:40 PM
I once hit a kerb at about 75mph coming away from traffic lights. Stupid accident but there you go. I slid for bloody ages and it burnt me trainers off (i was on me way to work), burnt my jeans off and flight jackets sleeves pulled up me arms. I pissed blood everywhere as i had slid down the kerb and it took all the skin off my hip bones, all the skin from my knees down, rolled gravel in deep channels up my left arm, dislocated my right and broke my right foot etc etc. Anyway, i had stopped sliding and was sat in in a huge shallow puddle of water leaning back on my rucksack. It wasnt sore as i guess i was shocked but christ the blood looked bad cause it was pissin out everywhere and setteling on top of this puddle. It was a blood bath :D
While i was sitting in the middle of the road (Anyone remember the Old Oak in Shrewsbury by the side of the old A5 Bypass?) im rapidly thinking i need a fag and waiting for the pain to start when i hear footsteps behind me. Then this is when i heard the funniest question ever. "Are you alright mate?" this bloke says. "Oh yes" says i in a remarkably calm voice "I do this every morning on my way to work". To top it off, i'd lost my bloody lighter so couldnt light me fag, the bloke didnt smoke so had no light then he stopped a milk float to take me to hospital. Luckily it was only a few hundred yards away or im sure i'd have bled to death :D
Urban Terrorist
28-04-2006, 04:54 PM
I've had so many while getting off my Bros - 'that's an old bsa isn't it?' :confused:
'That's an old nazi bike isn't it?' - the bros.
That's an ex army bike, right? - the ar :confused: :confused:
I usually tell people to fuck off now, but got it wrong once.
Had a bloke come over to my garden once when I was working on the bike, going on how he hears me bike each morning, before he could finish his sentance, I told him to fuck off before i inserted my end can in his mouth, he walked off muttering about bloody bikers, only gonna ask where i can get some parts for me grandsons pedal and pop!! :o
Violetmay
28-04-2006, 06:50 PM
I once hit a kerb at about 75mph coming away from traffic lights. Stupid accident but there you go. I slid for bloody ages and it burnt me trainers off (i was on me way to work), burnt my jeans off and flight jackets sleeves pulled up me arms. I pissed blood everywhere as i had slid down the kerb and it took all the skin off my hip bones, all the skin from my knees down, rolled gravel in deep channels up my left arm, dislocated my right and broke my right foot etc etc. Anyway, i had stopped sliding and was sat in in a huge shallow puddle of water leaning back on my rucksack. It wasnt sore as i guess i was shocked but christ the blood looked bad cause it was pissin out everywhere and setteling on top of this puddle. It was a blood bath :D
While i was sitting in the middle of the road (Anyone remember the Old Oak in Shrewsbury by the side of the old A5 Bypass?) im rapidly thinking i need a fag and waiting for the pain to start when i hear footsteps behind me. Then this is when i heard the funniest question ever. "Are you alright mate?" this bloke says. "Oh yes" says i in a remarkably calm voice "I do this every morning on my way to work". To top it off, i'd lost my bloody lighter so couldnt light me fag, the bloke didnt smoke so had no light then he stopped a milk float to take me to hospital. Luckily it was only a few hundred yards away or im sure i'd have bled to death :D
that phrase... 'you alright?' when u've just done that or are obviously not is not funny...but at least he did ask.. some people just drive by!!! And say to each other..'wonder if he's alright?' :rolleyes:
Bassman
28-04-2006, 07:06 PM
was turning round in Sheffield, following another bike.
We were on a VERY steep hill on the side road where we were turning, and the lad i was following stoppeds halfway round. Now being a shortarse get, i went to put me foot down as he was right in front of me, and there was no ground there,, anyway went down with the bandit 1200 on top of me. Post office van was parked close and the chap got out came over to where i was lying on the road, and said "If you would have been riding an old bike like my truimph you wouldn't have fallen over then, cos its lower!" and then feckin walked off and left me there... bastard.
He was bloody lucky i was under the bike.... :D
Dougie
28-04-2006, 08:24 PM
Got spat off on black ice once,a bloke who saw it's first words to me were "Fucksake ah thought ye were deid!" :eek:
Louis
28-04-2006, 11:21 PM
Riding near a German Police bike escorting a big Limo up the main drag in the Hague...I had some silly stick on rabbit ears on my helmet....the police bike stops next to me and says " You have had an accident with an Animal...????"
cxdemon
29-04-2006, 08:18 AM
Ah the good old german sense of humour! :D
iomrob
29-04-2006, 08:31 AM
my neighbours.....................
are you re-spraying your bike........
as its in bits and i have a can of spray paint in my hands...........
so were you, dont leave the story unfinished :D
Violetmay
29-04-2006, 09:53 AM
Riding near a German Police bike escorting a big Limo up the main drag in the Hague...I had some silly stick on rabbit ears on my helmet....the police bike stops next to me and says " You have had an accident with an Animal...????"
To which did you reply.. yeah I was hunting wabbits ... :D
Dougie
29-04-2006, 05:27 PM
Riding near a German Police bike escorting a big Limo up the main drag in the Hague...I had some silly stick on rabbit ears on my helmet....the police bike stops next to me and says " You have had an accident with an Animal...????"
Why was a German Police bike escorting a limo in the Netherlands? :confused: :confused:
Violetmay
29-04-2006, 05:30 PM
Why was a German Police bike escorting a limo in the Netherlands? :confused: :confused:
ambassadors had their own escort duty? or they were lost.. :D
Dougie
29-04-2006, 05:52 PM
Or he's fibbing about his age big style............ :D
Louis
29-04-2006, 06:21 PM
Why was a German Police bike escorting a limo in the Netherlands? :confused: :confused:
The Limo had Kraut plates on so I assumed it was a Sausage eater Diplomat..
Dougie
29-04-2006, 06:27 PM
Okay,fairy snuff...
hardtailbiker
02-05-2006, 11:17 AM
That's co's your a porker and look like you should have a harley :D
maybe so but at least I don't have people telling me you should keep the box as it'll be worth more in the future cos they think you're riding a dinky
just parked the Z11 up....some silly effer shouts..."move ya bike lad".....should have seen his face when i took me lid off......lmfao...wish i'd got a camera :D then......
why do ppl automatically think its a bloke riding???????? :confused:
hardtailbiker
02-05-2006, 11:52 AM
why do ppl automatically think its a bloke riding???????? :confused:
cos you have a beer belly
Mrs Reject
02-05-2006, 11:55 AM
Always pretend to be a non English speaking foreigner or deaf/mute.
Seaford town is not used to bike riding women as it is a relic from the dark ages, in fact in order to get to Seaford you have to travel through a time warp in space. I therefore get a lot of stupid comments about wimmin on bikes. They soon lose interest if you don't speak english (Gesundheit mein herr!)
The old ladies are a bit gormless round here too, they never make stupid comments but they do stand and stare with their mouths open like goldfish, that and wearing half mast trousers.
Jonnyfp2
02-05-2006, 12:11 PM
maybe so but at least I don't have people telling me you should keep the box as it'll be worth more in the future cos they think you're riding a dinky
Yes you do.. :D
me for one next time i see you..
bill?
02-05-2006, 12:18 PM
why do ppl automatically think its a bloke riding???????? :confused:
no matter how you look at a Z11, even painted white, it don't look like a kitchen appliance. :D
hardtailbiker
02-05-2006, 12:56 PM
Yes you do.. :D
me for one next time i see you..
bollocks :D
I need mine for standing on anyway :eek: :)
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