the story bout nothing v2

[howee]

well seemings as i cant find the original story bout nothing so here it goes again

once upon a time there were....

[baldyshinehead]

3 little pigs named .........

[kitkatman]

dougie, jonny fp and grav............

wheres jonny fp gone shouted dougie

[howee]

who liked to

[kitkatman]

ram pineapples up his

[Dougie]

Chav neighbour's car exhaust and watch him panic when it wouldn't start........

[howee]

his face went red like

[baldyshinehead]

his face went red like

the colour of robs bike

[howee]

even though robs bike is pink






grabbed my coat ages ago

[chinster]

but looks good on speed cameras...

[forgotmepassword]

as do burning tyres and..

[baldyshinehead]

certain people tied to a cross

[Friar Tuck]

Whilst being pulled by a team of Oxen attached to a.........

[forgotmepassword]

a left bollock, whilst singing "

[Bassman]

only 24 hours frm Tulsa... in a

[The Beer Monsters]

Larry Grayson style, much like

[howee]

gravs............

[howee]

little..........

[Dougie]

Pal Howee.......

[howee]

who likes to eat....

[Dougie]

His own bogeys.......

[howee]

hand picked by

[Dougie]

Freddie Kruger......

[Violetmay]

they have a special flavour...

[Fran]

and are the latest flavour of Walkers crips as advertised by...

[Bassman]

the jug eared tosser that also used to ...

[Fran]

pass himself off as Bad Toad on the 100% forum before he was outed as a....

[Dougie]

Total knob gobbler.....

[Grav]

with a penchant for arse banditry........

[bad toad]

who had a pair of very good teachers fran!!! the felcher!!! and dougie!!! the dirt box prodder!!!! who in their depraved way tried to teach grav and ernie how to?????? :D

[Wulfgar_SDL]

Tie there shoe laces :D :D :D

[baldyshinehead]

Tie there shoe laces :D :D :D

using nothing but there tongues and a tube of super glue

[Friar Tuck]

Whilst singing " Hi- Hoo! Hi-hoo!".........

[bad toad]

we,re kinky picts ya knooo!!!!! :D

[Violetmay]

we sing our song
in our tartan thongs...

[Friar Tuck]

And slap our thighs!
And hump our guys!....

[Violetmay]

"K-Y K-Y K-Y!!!!!!!!!" they sang it three more times and began to eat their traditional dish of..

[Fran]

Haggis on the bone...........

[Violetmay]

meanwhile in a bunker in deepest darkest brumland JFP or ADE was sat with a length of tube up his bum which was attached to a methane meter.. nurse Beccy stood there with a clipboard and gave instructions..

[Fran]

to VM who gave Ade a 10 gallon soapy enema...

[Violetmay]

with a big grin on her face... Ah stop crying you woos she said as she poured ice cold fairy liquid bubbles up his bum... 'now put it on suck!' Beccy shouted...

[howee]

oi you silly cow you dont do it like that you

[Violetmay]

jam it right up there. (grunts and shoves hose up deeper).. 'don't be afraid to hurt him... we've done it loads of times..'

[Fran]

...and these days a double decker bus could do a u-turn in his bumhole...

[Violetmay]

with a huff and a puff beccy shoved the tube up, 'turn on the sucker now!' she howled.. vm did so.. then it happened... all the years of eating and farting and not eating 5 fruits a day took their toll... 'she's gonna blow!' screamed vm looking in the suction chamber..'she's gonna blow!' then...

[Fran]

where's Red Adair when you need a flamer capped....

[Violetmay]

'B A N G!'

[Fran]

..the carnage was like a Philipino mudslide.Families lost their homes,cars were swept away....

[Violetmay]

it went very quiet for a while until in the distance you could hear...

[Fran]

...the sound of the 2nd approaching wave.Jonnys arse tsunami...

[Violetmay]

"cut!" shouted Spike, from a very elevated seat..."call yourselves actors, I was making horror films like this as a babe.. JFP, stop ****ting, Beccy, put some clothes on, and VM stop eating the ****e..right scene 5 please from the top..." The actors for scene 5 appeared leaving the rest clean up... "I'm ready for my close up" purred a sexy female voice from a trailer.. out she came the most beautiful vision of female...

[Fran]

...Fran wrapped up in her harris tweed negligee.Of course with an arse that size all photos would be a close up.It would take Spike a two hour bus journey just to get on Fran's good side...

[Violetmay]

Spike looked at the script and was confused.. 'You are not Carmen Electra!' he snapped, and took out his mobile...

[Friar Tuck]

"Oh Hi!" Spike spoke! "is that...............

[Violetmay]

krammer.. agent to the stars.. where the hell is carmen..I paid £30 and you send me Fran de la fartiknickers.....'

[Fran]

that's ok said Krammer you can pay me the rest later.By the way.........I would

[iomrob]

keep her away from

[Friar Tuck]

The Twiglets and salsa dips............

[Violetmay]

they make her

[howee]

go all funny and stuff, you see she'll start

[Violetmay]

Singing in a deep voice and putting one leg ...

[Dougie]

Into a Great War Prussian cavalry jackboot......

[chinster]

Which was full of yellow custard...

[Violetmay]

Grav popped his head out of the boot.. 'Do you mind I was having my pudding !' he said and popped back in again.. Fran kicked the boot off, and

[howee]

it flew into

[Bosun]

a low level statioanry orbit around..

[bad toad]

around krammers perverted!!! butt!!! :rolleyes:

[Friar Tuck]

Which was winking , and waiting for...........

[Violetmay]

a violet anal probe..

[Violetmay]

Butt nothing happened... kebam woosh and flash... he was transported to the safety of Yoda's house...

[kitkatman]

where he bound him with gaffer tape and video taped himself...................

[Dougie]

Interfering with a two year old prize Cheviot ram........

[kitkatman]

which he found in krammers garden

[Friar Tuck]

Which was abit strange, as krammer lives on the 14th floor of........

[Dougie]

An abandoned treacle mine shaft near.....

[kitkatman]

tony blairs house.......
cherie blair used the treacle for a facial mask as she thought it would make her pretty, but as she was already had a face like a bulldog liking piss of a nettle, it made no difference, why o why am i so ugly she cried........

dougie was climbing past her window and replied.........

[Dougie]

"COZ YE ARE,YA FECKIN' GARGOYLE!"
With that our intrepid and devillishly handsome hero reached the roof (did I mention he was devillishly handsome? :D ),and called in the 100% assault helicopter to.......

[kitkatman]

bring in the industrial strength brown paper bags to shove over her head, hence saving mankind from looking at the freak show and gargoylness called cherie blair, our so called handsome hero ( a freak accident in the circus magical hall of mirrors altered his perception of himself :D ), the told the helicopter pilot to...............

[Dougie]

Head for KKM's house and strafe the baldy fecker with the underslung minigun for his temerity in disagreeing that our hero (Dougie :) ) is indeed devillishly handsome and most certainly intrepid!However.........

[Violetmay]

the devilishy handsome Dougie.. (£5 pound please mate) could not believe his eyes.. KKM could not be killed for he was indeed not of this earth...he was a..

[howee]

man from mars, also known as

[Dougie]

Arsehole........

[Violetmay]

erfhhglhclsjk.. The martian warlord from the red weed district of fjslcmla;slkerrrecuch..... once morphed into his martian form.. he

[howee]

then walked over to

[Violetmay]

the mirror to admire his newly developed gils, and brain sucking out inner mouth... 'Oh my god'...Squealed Dougie, 'You..

[Dougie]

Are the spitting image of John Prescott in a tutu and thong!This is more than any man can take!I'm gonna...........

[howee]

have enormous....

[Violetmay]

panick attacks now... we're doomed I tell yer we're all dooomed.... and ran out the room...

[howee]

meanwhile back at the batcave...

[Fran]

....KKM was reading up on "erectile disfunction".......

[Bassman]

in a book that Tinks had given him with the instructions to read and inwardly digest... suddenly he came to a hard bit and he

[Violetmay]

sat down and concentrated reallly hard... somehow he got the impression that Tinks was hinting at dissatisfaction in the bedroom dept...this wasn't the manual he'd read before about entry tactics and speed being of the very essessence..by Andy McNab... no this mentioned strange words like foreplay.. and Gail Tilsey.... scratching his...

[Fran]

...testicles he realised that he should have washed his hands after chopping up that chilli pepper! Another thought occurred to him as he sat there naked from the waist down dangling his teabags in the cool water in the sink.....

[Violetmay]

maybe life on earth was not the crack Lord Grav chief martian had said it would be... he called him on his intercom... 'nanoo nanno.. kkm calling Grav d.l.c. can u hear me?'.....

[Fran]

...yes said Lord Grav and I can see you too.You could have taken the dishes out of the sink before you put your sweaty gonads in there!What will happen when....

[Violetmay]

I come round for tea to discuss your promotion to Superdooper Warlord.. and I have to eat off a gonad sweat infested plate?' KKM jumped out the sink.. pulled on his thong and decided to find his wife.. but where was she..

[Friar Tuck]

"Cooee, my little Liebchen!" He called out!

"Where are yoooo? I have a little surprise for yooo!" and he started hunting, from room to room......

[kitkatman]

kkm had run out of the room and hid on the roof of a

[Dougie]

Portaloo.Unfortunately with his vast bulk the roof gave way and he fell straight through into the "waste" tank which hadn't been emptied since the last Kent Custom Show and was ripening nicely...........

[kitkatman]

Portaloo.Unfortunately with his vast bulk the roof gave way and he fell straight through into the "waste" tank which hadn't been emptied since the last Kent Custom Show and was ripening nicely...........
'my favotite after shave, eu the toilet'........lets goto town on the pull......
but there was a almighty explosion...

[Violetmay]

the festering pooooooh pot bubbled away with uric acid and toilet chemicals til it reached a point of dispertion... BANG... KERSPLAT... WOOOOOOOSH as it emerged from portopoo and flew up and around... kkm stood there amazingly free of the mess.. and decided to find his family.. 'Ohhhhh My goddd' he heard tinks shout behind him.... 'Darling I can explain..' he said and lead her and the babes to the kkm mobile... 'I was washing me gonads....' She was not having any of it.. she...

[Friar Tuck]

Grabed the can of Oust Air Freshener and emptied on KKM! It was no good! He still stank like a.........

[Violetmay]

Grabed the can of Oust Air Freshener and emptied on KKM! It was no good! He still stank like a.........

week old pair of jfp's underpants...mingled with Grav's sock juice