We're on a roll now :)

[GarrysPhrogg]

Q: What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?
A: The man.

Q: Why do men have a hole in their penis?
A: So they can think with an open mind.

Q: What can Life Savers do that man can't?
A: Come in five flavors.

Q: How is a penis like fishing?
A: The small ones you throw back, the medium ones you eat, and the larger ones you mount.

Q: What do a clitoris, an anniversary and a toilet have in common?
A: Men usually miss all three.

Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: 6 inches is medium, 8 inches is rare.

Q: How can you tell if a man is sexually excited?
A: He is breathing.

Q: What is a man's idea of foreplay?
A: A half-hour of begging.

Q: Why do men like love at first sight?
A: It saves them a lot of time.

[poridge wog]

why do women have their f**ny and their ar*eh*le so close together

so when there drunk you can carry them home like a six pack :p

[100%Pat]

was meant to be retaliation it was a very poor attempt.... :D

[technoboiler]

Q whats the difference between a golf ball and a G-spot
A a man will search for a golf ball

[triker_gal]

Roflmfao :d

[technoboiler]

Q why do women fake orgasms
A because men fake relationships

[poridge wog]

why have women got small feet?

so theycan get closer to the kitchen sink :p
i'm off to hide

[Huw Beer Monster]

Why do women get married in white?

Cos all kitchen appliances come in white.

Just leaving...

[poridge wog]

whats a woman and washing machine got in common?

they both leak when f**k*d :p
back hiding

[Yoda]

Man:I know how to please a woman.
Woman: Then please leave me alone.
Man:I guess you're pretty good at pleasing yourself then.

Man:I want to give myself to you.
Woman:Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.
Man:Oh, just cheap perfume then.

Man:Your hair color is fabulous.
Woman:Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store.
Man:Is that also where you got your eyelashes and colored contacts?

Man:You look like a dream.
Woman:Go back to sleep.
Man:You mean this isn't a nightmare?

Man:I can tell that you want me.
Woman:Yes, I want you to leave.
Man:Well, I wasn't planning on doing you HERE!

Man:Hey, baby, what's your sign?
Woman:Do not enter, -OR- Stop.
Man:Really? You look more like a "Yield."

Man:Your body is like a temple.
Woman:Sorry, there are no services today.
Man:Here's a donation to restore the exterior.

Man:Is this seat empty?
Woman:Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.
Man:[Looking away] Honey, there's two here!

Man:What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?
Woman:What's it like being the biggest liar in the world?
Man:You're right. I was lying.

Man:Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman:Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man:Well, I guess you really don't belong in the men's room anyway

[Yoda]

The Rules - Finally from a Male point of view!

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now
here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! And please
note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.
If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear
us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be
opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present . . . . ..again!

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than
short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that
married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

1. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates. . . .Period!!

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be
any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to
act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been
tricked before!!

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we
were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading
ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's
wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you
don't want to hear.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss
such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some
war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)

1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight, but did you know, it's like camping...

[Yoda]

FINE
This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it's an even trade.


NOTHING
This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. 'Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."

GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine."

[Rogue Monkey]

Why are womans holes so close together? .......So men can carry them home like a six pack! :eek: :p

[mr.chaz]

Okay then,
A guy goes to the marraige guidance counsellor. He's sick of his wife , who just sits around the house nowadays and has no interest in doing anything together anymore.
The counsellor advises him that he should cast his mind back to the days when they were courting and try and do some activity that they used to do together and enjoyed. But... he had to be assertive and not take no for an answer.
The guy thanks the cousellor and goes off home to ponder his next course of action.
After much thinking , the guy goes up to his missus whilst she's sat munching crisps infront of the telly and announces," This weekend , you , me and the dog are going fell walking again like we always used to. I won't take no for an answer!"
She looks up at him and mumbles , " Gonna rain this weekend"
Again he says , "This weekend you,me and the dog are going fell walking and I won't take no for an answer." To which he turned on his heels and marched off to the kitchen to do the washing up.
Friday evening comes and he's sat there grooming the dog and cleaning the walking boots in the back yard. His missus looks outside and asks what he's doing. He replies," This weekend , you ,me and the dog are going fell walking and I won't take no for an answer!"
" Gonna rain anyway" she replies.
Again he says," This weekend , you me and the dog are going fell walking -I won't take no for an answer."
She grabs another packet of crisps and heads back to watch telly.

The next day , our man is up bright and early and makes busy waterproofing their wax jackets. Creeping back up the stairs and into the bedroom , he taps his missus on the shoulder and says," Today you , me and the dog are going fell walking."
She rolls over and moans," Look , I like to lie in on a Saturday. I do it every Saturday and don't like to get out of bed before 11.am - okay?"
He thinks about this and retorts assertively," Allright then , you have three choices - 1) You me and the dog go fell walking , 2) You give me a blowjob or 3) you let me poke you in the pooh hole... and I won't take no for an answer!"
Stuck with this dilemma , the wife replies," Well I ain't getting out of this bed before 11am , so that's fellwalking off the list ...and I sure as hell ain't gonna let you whack me in the brown box , so I guess it's a blowjob!" To which she goes down , closes her eyes and hurriedly starts noshing on her old man's member. after a few minutes she starts pulling funny faces and comes up for air. " Christ almighty," she snorts," your bloody knob tastes foul! In fact , it tastes like sh1t!"
" I know," replies hubby," the dog didn't want to go this morning either!" :eek: