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Bassman
17-09-2004, 07:33 PM
While I was driving down the M1 the other day, (going a little faster than I should have been) I passed under a bridge only to see a copper on the other side with a radar gun laying in wait. The copper pulled me over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronising smirk, asked: "Runway too short?"

To which I replied, "I'm late for work."

To which he asked, "What do you do?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.

The copper was surprised and confused. "A what? A rectum stretcher??

And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in, work side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch the hole, until it's about 6 feet."

Then the copper asked questioningly and cautiously, "And just what do you do with a six-foot ar$ehole?"

To which I politely replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."

Speeding ticket: £105.00

Court costs: £45

Look on copper's face: Priceless.................

:D :D
BlackPig
17-09-2004, 07:38 PM
F'kin' creased me,FFS,..... :D :D
Gypsy
20-09-2004, 10:56 AM
Lmao :D
defarter
20-09-2004, 11:01 AM
NICE ONE......... :D :D :D
Rogue Monkey
20-09-2004, 11:06 AM
I always found honesty mixed with humility and a smattering of groveling works for me! got off with fake tax disc, no insurance and no MOT! All in one go! It was a woman copper though! :p Any cops reading this? Im lying! I just made that up! hahahaha! ;)
titusni
20-09-2004, 11:36 AM
I passed under a bridge only to see a copper on the other side with a radar gun laying in wait.

Isn't there something in their procedures book about not using a radar gun with vehicles passing under or near bridges due to "unwanted" reflections that give inaccurate readings?
Dougie
20-09-2004, 01:10 PM
Isn't there something in their procedures book about not using a radar gun with vehicles passing under or near bridges due to "unwanted" reflections that give inaccurate readings?
It's a joke!!!! :eek: :eek:
krammer
20-09-2004, 04:10 PM
priceless.....absolutely brilliant. :D
Jonnyfp
20-09-2004, 06:55 PM
It's a joke!!!! :eek: :eek:


Indeed, and closer inspection of my monitor tells me that i have snorted spagetti hoops out of my nose...

hurts and is messy, but glad i read it.
Mrs Reject
20-09-2004, 07:22 PM
I always found honesty mixed with humility and a smattering of groveling works for me! got off with fake tax disc, no insurance and no MOT! All in one go! It was a woman copper though! :p Any cops reading this? Im lying! I just made that up! hahahaha! ;)

You're nicked sunshine
Constable Reject



:)