Observations on the French

[guyver1]

"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart
from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has
usually been governed by prostitutes."
--Mark Twain
------------------------------

"I would rather have a German division in front of me than
a French one behind me."
--General George S. Patton
------------------------------

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting
without your accordion."
--Norman Schwartzkopf
------------------------------

"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something
about it." --Marge Simpson
------------------------------

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure."
--Jacques Chirac, President of France
"As far as France is concerned, you're right."
--Rush Limbaugh
------------------------------

"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the
German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee."
--Regis Philbin
------------------------------

"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not
dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of
Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink
little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than
sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whisky I
don't know." --P. J. O'Rourke (1989)
------------------------------

"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging
actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on
her looks but doesn't have the face for it."
--John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona
------------------------------

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam
Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses
and wears a beret. He is French, people."
--Conan O'Brien
------------------------------

"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't
help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France
wouldn't help us get Hitler out of France either."
--Jay Leno
------------------------------

"The last time the French asked for 'more proof ' it came
marching into Paris under a German flag."
--David Letterman
------------------------------

"Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who
lives in Canada."
--Ted Nugent
------------------------------

"War without France would be like ... World War II."
--Unknown
------------------------------

"The favorite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right now
is one that says 'First Iraq, then France.'"
--Tom Brokaw
------------------------------

"What do you expect from a culture and a nation that
exerted more of its national will fighting against
Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?"
--Dennis Miller
------------------------------

"It is important to remember that the French have always
been there when they needed us."
--Alan Kent
-----------------------------

"They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. To
prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep
duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of
mistresses in the house." --Argus Hamilton
------------------------------

"Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that
was being advertised on eBay the other day -- the
description was, 'Never shot. Dropped once.'"
--Rep. Roy Blunt, MO
-----------------------------

"The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven
we've found truffles in Iraq."
--Dennis Miller
------------------------------

"Raise your right hand if you like the French, ... raise
both hands if you are French."
--Unknown
------------------------------

Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as
they entered the city in WWII?
A. Table for 100,000 m'sieur?
-----------------------------

"Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris?
It's not known, it's never been tried."
--Rep. R. Blount, MO
------------------------------

"Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer
France in WWII? And that's because it was raining."
--John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv
------------------------------

The AP and UPI reported that the French Government
announced after the London bombings that it has raised
its terror alert level from Run to Hide. The only two
higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate.
The rise in the alert level was precipitated by a recent
fire which destroyed France's white flag factory,
effectively disabling their military.
------------------------------
French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney
(AP), Paris, March 5, 2003
The French Government announced today that it is imposing
a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. The
decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display
at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris,
caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to
surrender to a group of Czech tourists.

--------------------------------

Why do trees line the Champs Elysee?
So the Germans can march in the shade

[Mental Dave]

excellent, nuff said.

[rukhsana]

Yeah i hate those frogs too,
the only good thing to come out of france is the tunnel to Englang :cool:

[karent]

but french men would leave you all in the shade! viva la france

[griff2000]

Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day and love is in the air.

Marie leans over to Pierre and says: "Pierre, kiss me!" Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips.

"What are you doing, Pierre?", says the startled Marie.

"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I like to have red wine!

She smiles and they start kissing. When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower."

Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her breasts.

"Pierre! What are you doing?', asks the bewildered Marie.

"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I like to have white wine!"

They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up. Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss me lower!"

Our hero rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights it on fire.

Marie shrieks and dives into the river. Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously,

"PIERRE, WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I go down, I go down in flames!"

[baldyshinehead]

lmfao :D

[karent]

Exactly, french men leave you all in the shade-i thought in flames was the way to go...

[Mental Dave]

very good, Bloody French :D

[Spike]

at least we wash :p

[karent]

aye but who wants to smell carbolic when you can smell man..

[Spike]

I'll leave that for the ladies to answer ;) :p

[karent]

They have, they are sticking with the french men, how many Antoinettes do you know/

[Spike]

errrrrrm.......... none !!

[karent]

i don't know any pierre's so we are equal..

[Spike]

I do !! Used to work with him, took us 6 weeks to turn him English !! Humour, dress, drinking etc fuggin top bloke :D

And he only smelled a little bit :rolleyes:

[karent]

What of? ( go on was it oil?garlic?grapes?wine? or a sensous mixture of all?)

[Spike]

mainly leather, we were makin car seats for Jags :p

[karent]

well, we can but dream?

[Spike]

this is true :)

Besides, i dont hate anyone, untill i've met them :p ;)

[scouselee]

excellent thread LMFAO

[karent]

dreaming makes the world spin round with an enjoyable whizz, hating stops it in it's orbit, dream on..

[baldyshinehead]

dreaming makes the world spin round with an enjoyable whizz, hating stops it in it's orbit, dream on..


that was a bit deep for this time of night :D

[Spike]

if man didnt dream, we would still be living in caves.......

[karent]

now ask me how many cavemen i know?

[baldyshinehead]

now ask me how many cavemen i know?


do they have to be french :D

[Spike]

or just smelly and hairy :p

[karent]

art of being a caveman is international...

[Spike]

Now that i agree with !! :)

[Spike]

.....................................

[karent]

Well that's the standard set, i know what i'm aiming for now...

[Spike]

any better...........

http://hometown.aol.com/afhsclass1970/images/curfew%20caveman.jpg

[karent]

now we are talking...

[Spike]

And for balance.....



http://www.sa.infn.it/Aniello.Saggese/games/cavewoman.jpg

[karent]

well, we have to win some time.. a delight, k

[Spike]

;) ................ :)

[karent]

have i stunned you into silence? or are you wincing?

[Spike]

Heee, i went to get a real beer :)

[karent]

as opposed to a dummy one? I drink therefore i am... where is Descarte(french) when we need him?

[Spike]

Dunno, i think he may be hidin in the vinyard ??

[Spike]

Or maybe with this lass :)

http://www.camra.org.uk/SHWebClass.ASP?WCI=ShowDoc&DocID=2197

[karent]

he isint alone.. i need an alchemist..

[Spike]

Hmmmmm, not sure if i can help ya there......

Why ya need one ? Lead into gold perchance ??

[karent]

for every peice of gold, there's a great big hole to be dug, k

[Spike]

unless its panned from the river, which is a gift that the earth herself has given up..

[karent]

absolutely, an the earth herself does just that...so im gonny submit to the goddess and the way will be made clearer.

[Spike]

we can but hope.....

[karent]

well as long as somebody remembers to put money in the meter..

[Spike]

and in days gone by, it was paid in blood.

[karent]

what do you mean days gone by? if you are at all different, you still get it one way or the other,




that may be a little too negative, being different something to be celebrated.
you know my mammy told me that it wasn't me who was weird , it was them, best advice ever,

[Spike]

i get my best advice from my little friend, the Pixie. He sits on my shoulder and wispers in my ear... :)

[karent]

what does he whisper? an does he talk to witches?

[Spike]

Yes he does talk to witches, me included in them ;)


Hmmm, wonder if this is a thread hijack ?? :o

[karent]

i think i guessed you were! hello brother

[Spike]

Greeting sister :) Blesing be with you, and see you on the morrow, im going to sleep now, sleep, perchance to dream.....

[karent]

g'night, may the moon kiss you, k

[guyver1]

g'night, may the moon kiss you, k
thank the gods that the moon is kissing him , not his moon being kissed :eek:

[Simon B]

Did you also know that the English troops used to wear Red uniforms so as not to show any blood and show the enemy they had not been hit.


The French at the same time wore a Brown uniform, work it out

[seedless]

Did you also know that the English troops used to wear Red uniforms so as not to show any blood and show the enemy they had not been hit.


The French at the same time wore a Brown uniform, work it out


And I thought that was the reason they didnt wash so nobody could tell the difference

[Spike]

thank the gods that the moon is kissing him , not his moon being kissed :eek:

Ya funny bugga lol :D

[Borg]

when we left our barrack rooms we used to leave our money under the soap, so the French wouldn't find it

[Dougie]

Interesting how most of the quotes in the first post are American......A country not known for its punctuality in fighting wars........ :rolleyes:

[PILRCGeff]

Did you also know that the English troops used to wear Red uniforms so as not to show any blood and show the enemy they had not been hit.


The French at the same time wore a Brown uniform, work it out

Actually, the English first wore red as a uniform under cromwell because red dye was cheapest!