the story about nothing

[hell on wheels]

ok just like the never ending story
i'll start

the once was a girl named jill who liked to....

[nightmare]

roll around on the floor sceaming...

[hell on wheels]

oi oi dont get to dirty

she screamed woohoo im rich and.....

[seedless]

Dreamed up a dastadly cunning plan

[Freak]

for milking all the custard out of Grav

[krammer]

for milking all the custard out of Grav now that's just disgusting that is....

[scouselee]

said her pet goldfish, tiger

[Bosun]

who was being taken for her daily drag

[weldy]

east of the river and north of the circular then home

[Bosun]

and by clicking the heels of the shoes three times

[Axeman]

out popped a two-headed

[Fran]

clone of Pete Burns & his festering....

[critch]

colobus monkey coat,who removed the hideous halloween mask to reveal he was really......

[Fran]

...& truly hideous.Someone had set fire to his face & beat the flames out with a golf shoe resulting in...

[bullhead]

a face like a fire damaged leggo brick....

[Bosun]

but not that pretty..

[bullhead]

but it could be put right with an AK47 and a..........

[Bosun]

small bottle of jiff lemon
if only

[seedless]

the liquid in the jiffy lemon was really liquid helium, one sniff of that and ...........

[baldyshinehead]

you sound like joe pisquale, who is seen every .......

[scouselee]

morning wearing a german paratrooper helmet and holding a

[baldyshinehead]

huge german sausage which he uses to ........

[Dougie]

Large bratwurst in curry sauce...

[Bosun]

which tides him over until elevenses

this is why joe works alone often, it is also said

[scouselee]

sprout curry makes an explosive alternative to

[Dougie]

KKM's favourite 50 Megaton crowd-pleaser....

[baldyshinehead]

which is normally used to ......

[Grav]

Make Pilkingtons finest double glazing

[baldyshinehead]

to assist the fitting of said double glazing, the fitters require you too ....

[Grav]

Pull down you blinds while they chuck bricks through your windows

[baldyshinehead]

once all the windows are smashed they will ...

[Grav]

Fuck off home :D

[baldyshinehead]

leaving you with big open holes in your wall. when they return they expect ...

[Grav]

A cup of tea and a fifty quid tip

[baldyshinehead]

unless you have a good looking wife. if that is the case they will take

[Grav]

forty quid and a quick shufty of her in the shower.

[baldyshinehead]

which isnt too bad an offer because the milkman wants

[Grav]

sixty quid and a sniff of your boxer shorts, preferably soiled ones......

[baldyshinehead]

that have been worn for over a month in the summer

[bunbag]

so buy a kilt and no need for pants

[Bosun]

but in the best "carry on tradition"..

[kitkatman]

now that's just disgusting that is....
said her dad as he handed her a

[bad toad]

packet of????

[kitkatman]

multi coloured........

[bad toad]

ribbed!!::::: :D

[kitkatman]

piles lotion, which instructions included

[bad toad]

a yoda shaped applicator

[kitkatman]

for those with a nervous disposition..........

meanwhile, jack, her boyfriend had just recharged the 40,000watt batterys for his mothers..............

[Dougie]

Hearing aid......

[Bosun]

which could hear a pin drop in..

[Dougie]

The middle of...

[Bosun]

a bowl of..

[Dougie]

Refried beans

[Bosun]

which JFP was about to use as back up

[baldyshinehead]

for fuel, but he soon found out that ..

[seedless]

Impure metyhane has some surprising...........

[scouselee]

but pleasant reactions to the colour of his eyes

[Dougie]

but serious implications for his hemer...hemma....piles!

[baldyshinehead]

which had been dangling loosly like a bunch of grapes for nearly

[Grav]

30 years, man and boy......

[kitkatman]

and dog, all jumping up and down to take a bite..

[chinster]

of the swinging testes of an overpaid lib dem rent boy

[Dougie]

But missing and biting his bizarrely elongated scrotum which...

[chinster]

which has a tattoo of lady Di's fav merc dealership on the right one

[kitkatman]

and a picture of cammilla on the left

[chinster]

which resembled a warthog having piles strangled

[Dougie]

By Johnny Two Rivers,the '60's wrestler....

[baldyshinehead]

who in his spare time used to

[Bosun]

crochet toilet roll holders by appointment to..

[Fran]

Jeremy Clarkson who got royalties from...

[Bosun]

the same lib dem rentboy

[hell on wheels]

who sucked

[scouselee]

the living daylights out of the brother of a certain

[Friar Tuck]

former party leader, but only on a......

[Dougie]

Sunday morning....

[seedless]

Just before tiffin.............

[scouselee]

began his weird sexual act on the guinea pig

[bad toad]

who screamed jonny fp,s THE DADDY!!!!!

[Dougie]

But he was sadly mistaken as.......

[kitkatman]

he realised that the jet engine attached to his............

[Juke]

cock ring....... :eek:

[kitkatman]

but this was cheaper than the surgery to correct.........

[Bosun]

the unusual voice complaint which made him sound like

[bad toad]

yoda on steroids!!!! :confused:

[Dougie]

and helium.....

[Bosun]

or was it a strange gas from

[Grav]

Fayji and Mitch after eating sprout curry

[Fran]

their underwear dissolved and everyone saw....

[baldyshinehead]

the cycling shorts they had been modeling earlier that day for

[bad toad]

for the next forum party :D

[Fran]

so not all the meat will be on the BBQ........ :eek:

[Bosun]

was able to be consumed as several were ill

[Lyn]

from a sight that ....................

[baldyshinehead]

was too horrible to talk about

[Grav]

and it causes a strained silence every time....

[Bosun]

though straining silently is an art perfected by those trained in the ancient art of..

[scouselee]

Botty warbling and snow yellowing which was taught in the black hills of

[Fran]

Birmingham........

[chinster]

Birmingham's dogging haunts

[Bosun]

where on many a dark night..

[Fran]

the cries of a lesser spotted...

[chinster]

boily bummed brummie back scuttler

[kitkatman]

were heard yodoling yodas name as dracken..............

[bad toad]

said you gonna get yer ass kicked kkm!!! :D

[kitkatman]

kkm, being trained to defend himself in the deadly arts of urigami set about......

[bad toad]

showing his arse at every party!! he went too!!!! :D

[Axeman]

Mistaking his arse everybody said "Hey, I see two conjoined hairy heads!".

How do we go about......

[kitkatman]

parting the twins, without making them itelligent........

meanwhile in the darkest, deepest garage, the bad toad of the forum started........

[Dougie]

"No probs,we'll use this fuel injected,turbo-charged chainsaw....." said the Toad

[Juke]

plugging the bastad????????

[baldyshinehead]

so nothing comes out, leaving

[Bosun]

a small green

[bunbag]

trickel :D

[Friar Tuck]

Which Juke was able to mix and match with.......

[bunbag]

candy red.

[Friar Tuck]

to go with the colour of her....................

[Juke]

tiolet pan full of freshly thrown up pernod and black!!!!!

[chinster]

with the orange of the carrott setting the colour off nicely !

[seedless]

Needless to say Ewok and Tuck repackaged the mixture.........

[Dougie]

As Pot Noodles......

[Bosun]

and sold them for the measly sum of

[scouselee]

three goats and a stoat on a dragster

[Fran]

with 3 cadburys cream eggs shoved....

[Bosun]

where the sun

[baldyshinehead]

shines constantly, unless its a

[karent]

full moon and the witch appeared with an incredibly long tongue

[baldyshinehead]

which she uses to cast spells for

[karent]

naughty little boys

[scouselee]

who dream about french maids in stockings and high heels and

[karent]

big hairy boyfriends called pierre

[bunbag]

who was a closet queen an took up the ass

[seedless]

While sitting uncomfortably on the way to

[Dougie]

Amarillo........

[Friar Tuck]

Whilst sucking his pillo........

[seedless]

He noticed that there was no tell tale signs of..............

[Axeman]

women anywhere so instead he set out for....

[seedless]

Thailand............................

[blackhack]

in the vauge hope hed meet up with gary glitter and ??

[seedless]

Terminate the Peado after ..............

[kitkatman]

cutting mr glitters testicles off and making him eat them with some fresh..........

[Spike]

ground chillies and hot pepper sauce...

[kitkatman]

whilst having his head boiled in.............




( go on ernie, say it )

[hell on wheels]

a tub of spaghetti juice

[kitkatman]

micheal barrymore watched from a distance, playing with his..........

[bullhead]

friends nob whos name was..

[kitkatman]

george galloway.............

[hell on wheels]

liked to think about

[scouselee]

stroking rulas pussy, meanwhile the ugly scouse wannabee Pete burns

[Dougie]

(but sh!te doesn't)......

[seedless]

was kipnapped by a triad gang and made to.............

[Friar Tuck]

eat chop suey and noodles strained through fayji's................

[seedless]

rally weekend underwear...........

[Bosun]

the use of a 7lb clubhammer

[seedless]

forced the congealed mess............

[Bosun]

through the rigid outer layers

[hell on wheels]

and into his trousers

[Bosun]

perfecting the john wayne walk :) he waddled

[hell on wheels]

into a fence :D

[Bosun]

so he quickly off loaded some dodgy..

[hell on wheels]

hair brushes to kkm

[Dougie]

Not that the baldy fecker and one half of the Jelly Baby Brothers needed one......

[hell on wheels]

big old barrel o'

[Dougie]

Burnt chip fat complete with.....

[hell on wheels]

mouldy badgers... :D

[Axeman]

The mouldy badgers were disgusted at the discrimination at being called mouldy so they........

[Grav]

stamped their feet and sulked until.....

[Bosun]

the union rep..

[Axeman]

Took her clothes off and got jiggy with it. Toad however...

[Bosun]

was still trying to sell

[Axeman]

used condoms but got no success.

Maybe he should've.......

[karent]

tried e-bay

[andy_k]

but he went to the local charity shop instead, where he found

[baldyshinehead]

but he went to the local charity shop instead, where he found


a used and smelly pair of knickers that used to belong to

[andy_k]

a used and smelly pair of knickers that used to belong to

Shirley, but she had given them away because

[baldyshinehead]

Shirley, but she had given them away because


they no longer felt comfy, unlike her new pair of

[andy_k]

they no longer felt comfy, unlike her new pair of


flame red new rock boots, with a massive

[baldyshinehead]

flame red new rock boots, with a massive


16 inch heel, that she used to give

[andy_k]

16 inch heel, that she used to give

amazingly good.......

[Grav]

rectal examinations to Jonny that had him ......

[andy_k]

rectal examinations to Jonny that had him ......

smiling in such a way that

[baldyshinehead]

smiling in such a way that


anyone who saw him would be thinking

[andy_k]

anyone who saw him would be thinking

He was having wayyyyyyyyyyy to much fun being exposed in such a way that exposed his

[baldyshinehead]

He was having wayyyyyyyyyyy to much fun being exposed in such a way that exposed his


aversion to having someone

[andy_k]

aversion to having someone


lick his extremely smelly

[Grav]

fungus infested....

[andy_k]

fungus infested....

mouldy looking

[Grav]

pox riddled

[andy_k]

pox riddled


and hairy left

[Grav]

bollock ........

[andy_k]

which was extremly large due to

[Axeman]

oh wait...that wasn't his bollock that was his

[andy_k]

hairy bum crack

[Grav]

Which resembled......

[andy_k]

Bliars face and to which we all want to

[Axeman]

shove a big pile o' **** in.

Meanwhile, in other news..........

[andy_k]

shove a big pile o' **** in.

Meanwhile, in other news..........


shock photo of fayji released as a pizza delivery boy and

[Axeman]

who really loves his speshul job!

[andy_k]

who really loves his speshul job!
http://www.vsoc-centre14.co.uk/Oldpics/raw%20power.JPG


delivering to all and sundry and getting speical tips in

[Axeman]

"Such joy" fayji says "such joy and I'm so happy" Now I am off to have a really good........

[andy_k]

"Such joy" fayji says "such joy and I'm so happy" Now I am off to have a really good........

weekend getting píssed in a field at a rally in

[UKRobT309]

weekend getting píssed in a field at a rally in
in soapy tit wank heaven.

[Axeman]

"Such a good clean boy I am" fayji says "so good that mam is going to give me a good........

[andy_k]

"Such a good clean boy I am" fayji says "so good that mam is going to give me a good........


slap around the

[Friar Tuck]

Garden gnomes............

[seedless]

But wait, have they moved or are they alive said.........

[howee]

the wicked witch of the dizzy east and the soapy west

[Bosun]

side of east manchester herself none otther than

[Friar Tuck]

Gertrude Schilling! she of the big hats.....

"I say isn't that?.........

[kitkatman]

gordon brown in a skirt, playing with george galloways..........

[Friar Tuck]

Hairy.....................

[kitkatman]

but going slightly bald..........

[Dougie]

and microscopic.....

[Bosun]

faded red..

[Juke]

like some sort of

[howee]

pie made by juke

[mr_messy600]

humm nice warm home made apple pie!

[howee]

made by juke......

[howee]

then fayji ran off because

[seedless]

The strong deep rumbling Bass sound of ............................

[howee]

bad toads......

[Bosun]

lower intestinal

[Friar Tuck]

Boom-box Sub-woofer, exploded into .......

[seedless]

A cacophony of explosive sound melting the ..........................

[Bosun]

top shelf magazines at

[seedless]

Achmed Patel and Smith that well know asian retailer of magizines of the ........

[Bosun]

smuttier kind

the video section was also

[Violetmay]

stacked on a shelf, on a false wall, if you knew which video to pick a door would open and lead you to ....

[seedless]

Deep dark subterrean house of .....................

[Violetmay]

fakefur coats and snow you have shove your way past only to find a funny creature half man half deer or whatever it was, call himself mr titmus.. who says

[kitkatman]

' oi, this is my house, so fuck off, go and annoy the other tosser next door'......

[Violetmay]

Ignoring the nasty little sh*te our hero carries on regardless, wandering along a bit, he hears a russling in the bushes. What could it be..... (music in background goes, dum de dum dum......)

[kitkatman]

the postman having a shuffle with a male (think about it ), who quickly..........

[Violetmay]

emptied his sa.... no I won't go down the obvious route.... I am a lady..

who left one of those red elastic bands on the floor... which our hero quickly picked up and put on

[kitkatman]

emptied his sa.... no I won't go down the obvious route.... I am a lady..

who left one of those red elastic bands on the floor... which our hero quickly picked up and put on
said yoda as he...............

[Violetmay]

got out a large bag, with lots of other red elastic bands, which he had linked up and made a nice necklace out from

[kitkatman]

he liked his red knecklace nearly as much as his pearl one!....but evil was afoot.........

[Violetmay]

or aneck.. any how he scuttled along and found a lovely little pink house in a clearing, with a white picket fence, roses around the door, there was the strange aroma of something coming from the door, what was it???? :confused:

[kitkatman]

or aneck.. any how he scuttled along and found a lovely little pink house in a clearing, with a white picket fence, roses around the door, there was the strange aroma of something coming from the door, what was it???? :confused:
the possible smell was from jonny fp after he had eaten a curry the night before and now it had worked its way through his system.............gas, gas, gas, screamed yoda as he started to convulse and rol around on the floor, who could save this lady boy...............

[Bosun]

from being crushed

[kitkatman]

I WILL
screamed 'shaun the fat man'. and he dived...............

[Bosun]

h4eadfirst under the

[Grav]

into a phone box to change into his superhero costume.

[kitkatman]

....shaun span around in the telephone box, the problem was that after the 4th turn, the box fell over, trapping him in the now on its side box.....who could rescue shaun, so shaun could rescue yoda

[Grav]

Nobody could rescue shaun as we were all too busy laughing, when suddenly........

[Bosun]

in a flash of blinding light

[bad toad]

when suddenly kkm appeared in a sumo suit

[kitkatman]

and scared all the japs away, but they returned with their harpoon guns....

[bad toad]

feck this yelled violetmay im outta here

[kitkatman]

to get a video camera, beadle will pay me a fortune to air this on his hit program 'watch out, beadles a cunt'

[Grav]

and off she did bugger.....meanwhile back at the plot....