Upset! :(

[Mrs Reject]

Oh dear, all hell has broken lose at Black Dog House - our usually peaceful abode (funny that, we haven't even got a dog - we've got cats!).
Sprogg has been home from university for three months, he is now 21 years old and talks about going to Oz travelling. Since he has been home (three months now) he has done bugger all but get up at midday, eat, watch t.v and spend an hour or two a day fixing his CM125 which is in bits.
Me and Mitch meanwhile are working all the hours God sends breaking our backsides to make ends meet and get our bikes properly done up before September, 12 hour shifts and loads of overtime.
I hinted to sprogg a couple of times to start looking for work and get motivated, save some money up for his trip and all, do something, anything for feck's sake. It's not even as if he is out with mates having a riotous time and enjoying the simmer, he justs sits in front of the telly and is rude to Mitch all the time and grunts at you instead of speaking.
i lost my temper with it all last night and told him to go out and get a feckin' job and stop using our gaff as a flippin' hotel! This led to one stonking great row which must have woken the whole neighbourhood and sprogg flouncing out of the house into a thunder storm, he has not been seen since although I am sure he will come back eventually as his stuff is all here.
I am all in favour of ending the Mrs soft touch approach and kicking butt now. I think if he wants to continue living here he must get a job straight away, work on the bike on his days off if he wants it back on the road and start paying £50 rent a week for living here as I've lost patience with him now. And stop being so sarcastic all the time to Mitch who has been as patient as a saint with him!!! I'm not having a feckin' idle layabout hanging around my house for the next year when we have to work our butts off!!!
I think if he won't agree to my terms he can bloody leave and live somewhere else!!!!! :mad:
Do you think I am within my rights, I don't want to be an old dragon but I've really had it with him!!!

[100%Pat]

I completely agree.... do you think it'll work with a 15yr old too??
No seriously Mrs R, he has to live in the real world sometime and now is as good a time to start as any. Why should you continue to struggle when he sits on his arse, he is an adult and should accept all the ****e that goes with it, he must contribute to your household expenses and play his part, or ask him to leave, then he'll soon bloody find out how hard supporting yourself(just what everyone else has to do) is all about and realise that 50 quid a week is a pittence really.
As to the attitude to Mitch, whatever his feelings on the subject he MUST behave with politeness, I have also been through this with Rik and my kids, they have to understand he is YOUR choice, you are entitled to your life , they can think what they like in private but while living under your roof, they behave with courtesy and respect!!
Go get im!!

[Rabid]

I know exactly where you are coming from. I have the same with my step kids they think that the world owes them a living. It pisses me off to get home from work and there still be dirty pots laying around and their in bed at 5.00pm. and then winge that theres no food in, because the greedy gits have eaten 24 packets of crisps in 12 hours. Kids dont you just love them. :confused:

[Kingo]

Good on you mrs R, If you wher'nt there he would have to fend for himself, he's got it to soft.

[Rabid]

Oh and another thing the little gits drank all my beer and duty frees :mad:

[Yoda]

I completely agree.... do you think it'll work with a 15yr old too??
No seriously Mrs R, he has to live in the real world sometime and now is as good a time to start as any. Why should you continue to struggle when he sits on his arse, he is an adult and should accept all the ****e that goes with it, he must contribute to your household expenses and play his part, or ask him to leave, then he'll soon bloody find out how hard supporting yourself(just what everyone else has to do) is all about and realise that 50 quid a week is a pittence really.
As to the attitude to Mitch, whatever his feelings on the subject he MUST behave with politeness, I have also been through this with Rik and my kids, they have to understand he is YOUR choice, you are entitled to your life , they can think what they like in private but while living under your roof, they behave with courtesy and respect!!
Go get im!!

yep totally agree
he is big enough to go and find his own way in life
and if he wants to stay (with your permission of course then he needs to follow your rules)

Yoda

[Mrs Reject]

oooh, oooh, I got him a job through work, one of my colleague's husband is the manager of this aggregate company in Newhaven and they offered him a job paying £300 clear of tax per week. He turned it down on account of the fact that it required him to work a half day on Saturday. he doesn't want to work on weekends he said as it will intefere with his social life (what social life, all his mates work weekends)!!! :mad:
That was two months ago, he could have saved up £2500 by now as I wasn't asking him for rent or anything and be winging his way to Oz as we speak......unbelievable! I'd do the bloody job myself if they took on women - it's more than I earn a week at the moment as a trained nurse!!!!!
Not to mention the fact it made things very awkward with my colleague at work who think we have deliberately snubbed her kind offer.
As for drinking your duty free Rabid...that's beyond the pale that is! I'd declare a fatwa on the buggers :D

[Jay]

I look forward to having these decisions to make in about 15 years..But I think you are right to tell 'em that he's a big boy now!

[dracken1]

hiya this is mrs dracken.
nice to meet you mrs.R.
you already know what needs to be done! i know we love our offspring no matter what, but it sounds like he is just taking that love for granted, he is a big boy now, and if you keep pandering to him, he will just keep taking, even perhaps to the loss of the good relationship you have with mitch.
a few years down the line you could be a slave to a couch potato who will be depressed cos he hasn't done anything with his life. sometimes the umbilical cord has to be cut twice, i think you need to grit your teeth, be hard, even if it really hurting you to do so.
hopefully it will be the making of him, but if not, it will be his fault not yours.
if he was sharing a flat or house with others that weren't related to him, how long do you think they would put up with it!
it is a big hard world out there, and you won't always be there to be a cushion.

[Mrs Reject]

Wise words Mrs D :) He has already been kicked out of his mates house by his parents who are fed up with him being there!!! Tough love has got to be the order of the day for his own good. My parents wouldn't tolerate me being in the house doing nothing for more than 3 days never mind 3 months.
He went off in such a steam he left his house keys behind :D Methinks I have a bargaining tool. The contract I stuck on the door must be signed in his blood before he is allowed back in the house. And come back he must as he has left everything behind......he can't get in while we are at work. Shame!!! (not).

[Rogue Monkey]

It has already been said by my learned friend! If he doesn`t learn now he`s in for a big nasty shock wake up in the Big Wild World! You are doing him a favour by asking him to earn his keep! I wish somebody offered me a job with £300 tax free! I know what the wages are like for trained nurses and it sucks big time for what we do and to come ome to an Idle grumpy teenager is not what you need after a shift! You have to show you love him but you have to learn him life isn`t a bowl of Rice crispies either! It sounds like he`s feeling a bit guilty and thats why he`s been so touchy! tell him you love him and stuff, but it`s time he grew up! (possibly better if you re phrase the last bit)! Anyway, for wot its worth I think you deserve more respect but he`s probebly feelin a bit pushed out at the momment. Stick to your guns!

[100%Pat]

And IF you let him back, set him a time limit to get a job or he's out again... plus give him set jobs to do around the house while he's looking and not earning!!

[Mrs Reject]

And IF you let him back, set him a time limit to get a job or he's out again... plus give him set jobs to do around the house while he's looking and not earning!!

It must be like Meine Kampf in you house Pat :D But it's true though. I'm not sure if I will let him come back to be honest, me and Mitch feel frazzled and I don't think we can stick another 6 months or more of this!

[Bosun]

The contract I stuck on the door must be signed in his blood before he is allowed back in the house. (not).


oooh dont say that you will have TG straight round

thankfully i get on great with aged p's, just keep out of their way, and pass them rent

i get spoilt rotten that way

[Jim]

Speaking as the stepfather of 2 teenagers, you've got to be firm or they'll walk all over you. Stick to your guns Mrs R or you'll find the problems and the attitude just get worse. I charge my stepson £30 a week which is probably about average (according to friends in the same situation).

[100%Pat]

I am tough I'm afraid but it comes from raising two teenage girls!! Thankfull grown and gone now... well nearly.
IF you have him back dont back down or let him off one tiny little detail, they all think 'oh this is just tempory, i'll keep me head down and she'll get over it, things will soon settle down again.... make sure it doesnt, realisation of that comes a bit hard and things get sticky but once they do actually understand this time its real and it wont die down it gets easier.
Honest.
It may well be the making of him to have to stand on his own two feet, tough love is just that... tough on both sides though.Keep your temper high.... it makes it easier for you. LOLOLOL

[Bosun]

.....DOH....

[Nitrowing]

He's a 21 year old man. Give him an iron and tell him to go and join the Forces. :eek:

[Dougie]

Damned good spell in the army is what the young whippersnapper needs!
Signed Col P J Wilberforce RA GSM DSO CDM & bar (ret'd)
No,but seriously,that's why we have cats! ;) :D :cool:

[Mrs Reject]

I am tough I'm afraid but it comes from raising two teenage girls!! Thankfull grown and gone now... well nearly.
IF you have him back dont back down or let him off one tiny little detail, they all think 'oh this is just tempory, i'll keep me head down and she'll get over it, things will soon settle down again.... make sure it doesnt, realisation of that comes a bit hard and things get sticky but once they do actually understand this time its real and it wont die down it gets easier.
Honest.
It may well be the making of him to have to stand on his own two feet, tough love is just that... tough on both sides though.Keep your temper high.... it makes it easier for you. LOLOLOL

God how totally sound your advice is Pat, Mitch and me are just marvelling at how we've just been discussing exactly the same thing!!!!!We've put up with 4 years of this **** from him and we are ready to kick arse big time. In my opinion it is the only way he is going to develop any backbone at all!!! We've decided not to have him back, as soon as he comes to get his stuff or turns up wanting to come home Mitch is going to give him his marching orders. I've jumped through hoops keeping him safe and well looked after as a single parent even as far as having three jobs at once to pay the mortgage and going to court for 5 years to fight for custody of him against a clever maniac and won. I see his behaviour as a betrayal of all the things I have done for him over the years and it's time to let him know I've had a gutful - I think it will improve his character no end.

[Mrs Reject]

Damned good spell in the army is what the young whippersnapper needs!
Signed Col P J Wilberforce RA GSM DSO CDM & bar (ret'd)
No,but seriously,that's why we have cats! ;)

Does ret'd stand for retired or retarded *runs away and waits for grenade to whistle past my ears*:D
cats are good, I like cats :)

[ForestFred]

Should have signed him up fer that TV series Bad Lads Army only 4 weeks but by gum it shook em up

[Friar Tuck]

Of course, not having kids, like me you don't get these problems! :p
I'm happy!:D

[smeghead]

Yup you did the right thing mrs r, at the end of the day if you let a yung-un get away with murder they will just carry on taking,so he need to be taught right from wrong,at this point in time he's probably holed up with a m8 and will be back soon,As for the mitch thing its time he realised that whilst mitch may not be his dad that he's living in yours and mitchs house and has to behave in a civil manner towards him, i'm very lucky it seems as no1 son works and pays his way without question, hope it pans out well for you

[smeghead]

God how totally sound your advice is Pat, Mitch and me are just marvelling at how we've just been discussing exactly the same thing!!!!!We've put up with 4 years of this **** from him and we are ready to kick arse big time. In my opinion it is the only way he is going to develop any backbone at all!!! We've decided not to have him back, as soon as he comes to get his stuff or turns up wanting to come home Mitch is going to give him his marching orders. I've jumped through hoops keeping him safe and well looked after as a single parent even as far as having three jobs at once to pay the mortgage and going to court for 5 years to fight for custody of him against a clever maniac and won. I see his behaviour as a betrayal of all the things I have done for him over the years and it's time to let him know I've had a gutful - I think it will improve his character no end.

Mrs r if i was you i would give him his marching orders,as the problem is imo,if mitch does it it will be taken as an evil father/stepfather thing, best sit him down and explain your reasonings yourself in a calm way also tell him the doors always open for him to visit, i left home after a row at 17 and still dont go back or even care too much about my parents stubbord bastard i am, however if e would have talked things through before i left i'm sure thing would have been different now

[Rogue Monkey]

Of course, not having kids, like me you don't get these problems! :p
I'm happy!:D
I second that! Well ....I did.....got a bloody house full now! Mrs Monkeys tribe! :eek:

[Mitch]

Mrs r if i was you i would give him his marching orders,as the problem is imo,if mitch does it it will be taken as an evil father/stepfather thing, best sit him down and explain your reasonings yourself in a calm way also tell him the doors always open for him to visit, i left home after a row at 17 and still dont go back or even care too much about my parents stubbord bastard i am, however if e would have talked things through before i left i'm sure thing would have been different now

Fair comment Animal, though the main reason I'd do it is if he comes home when Mrs R is at work - obviously we'd both be there together when she's at home. Don't worry, I've been calm for the last four years and I'm hardly likely to break the habit of a lifetime! :cool:

I left home myself at 17 due to various family goings on - involving my old man and a certain gold-digging girlfriend (that's a long story and no mistake). I decided to go out and get a life for myself (best thing I ever did to be honest). We still keep in touch occasionally. By the time I reached 21, I decided to move out of yorkshire for work - ending up getting married to someone and setting up home (no kids thankfully) for the next six years (that was over ten years ago now).

We've tried talking things through over and over again but no matter how much we try to be civil, whenever we say anything (me in particular) to him he always ends up getting the arse - if you like, he's saying, 'what the fuck do you know?'

My first interest in all this has been making sure that me and Mrs R are happy - even if it meant keeping my gob shut half the time. The last thing I wanted to do is stir things up and cause a big row. All I've really done now is to stand back and let nature take its course, he's just shown himself up in his true colours.

He's always had plenty of time and chances to get himself sorted but if he doesn't want to/can't be bothered to, well that's his lookout from now on!

[Gypsy]

DORO SAYS

i find this all very interesting, it has taken 2 years to get my 19 year old daughter to pay rent and even then it's a measly £30 pw (she spends a fortune on the phone)

she also gets up gypsy's nose cos he thinks she's taking a lend of me, and I'm being too soft, and she's jealous of him being with me

I had trouble with my eldest and asked him to move out when he was 17 due to his violent outbursts

I thought I'd lost him as he moved to London

but now he's 21, we're 30 miles apart and have a good relationship

I'm reluctant to get heavy handed with my daughter in case I lose her

I left home under a cloud because of my mother's selfish nasty ways and don't want my daughter to feel the way I did

I don't want any animosity

they play on the fact that you love em too much to be too mean

I guess sometimes you have to

we should swap notes Mrs R...

[Mrs Reject]

God that is soooooo true!!! I've been way too soft for ages, but this time I've really had it. I found out via my sister where he was - holed up with a friend in another town. I text messaged him and said his stuff has been boxed up and is in the shed and if he doesn't take it away by the end of this month it's going to Oxfam. Don't know how he will pick it up as he has no vehicle but that's not my problem. He also knows he is not welcome back here.
he knows full well how much i have done for him over the years, remortgaged my house so he could go to uni, protected him against his violent dad even standing between him, fighting for him in the courts, working 2 jobs so he could have the things he needed when he was growing up and being constantly on his side and there for him, I even didn't date anyone the whole time he was growing up so he would have a secure and happy childhood without various "uncles" coming and going. I'd been single for donkeys years before Mitch came along. I thought we had a wonderful relationship but he's gone bad the last coupe of years - mainly laziness and rudeness and a cavalier attitude towards women and I feel I can't allow him to live in my house unless he learns to be more considerate. We feel like we've been walking on eggshells the last few months with him at home! I've got a chronic back problem and arthritis in my knees and have come home after 12 hour shifts nursing geriatrics to find him still in bed and/or the house a filthy tip with all the bread gone. Any decent person would see me and Mitch work stupidly long hours to make ends meet and offer to contribute something even if it was only £30 a week, but not him - he just doesn't give a toss! Never offered to do any of the heavy jobs round the house or mow the grass and actually complained about me being in a bad mood after a bad 12 hour shift!!!!!
F*ck 'im, time to get the order of the boot and find out exactly how hard the real world is instead of going soft at his mother's expense. :mad:

[GarrysPhrogg]

As natural parents we sometimes try using our own past lives to justify our forgiving nature towards "them" but if you look at it from an outsiders point of view it might be a little easier to kick thier selfish arses and make them realise that you won't always be there for them, as the saying goes...... "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"! and I'm talking from s_hit loads of experience :)

[Mrs Reject]

Wise words GP! I have to stop getting cross now and get on with my life. Trouble is you keep getting flashbacks to when they were a cute little baby in yellow romper suits and one tooth! But I have to remember he isn't that cute baby any more and doesn't need protecting either.
Time to let it all go and I daresay it will all blow over in time and he will go away and grow up now.

[Gypsy]

DORO SAYS...........


have come home after 12 hour shifts nursing geriatrics to find him still in bed and/or the house a filthy tip with all the bread gone.

how would you react if this was your husband doing this?

maybe your answer to that could help you with your son?

I hate laziness and meaness, especially as I work so hard...

[Mitch]

DORO SAYS...........
how would you react if this was your husband doing this?

Exactry!!! She wouldn't let me do that (would ya babes? :D) :)

[Mrs Reject]

That's a really good point - if Mitch behaved like sprogg he would have got his arse kicked from here to eternity :D

[Doro]

aw sorry mitch it weren't personal

it was a

rhetorical

question

*snigger*

see I'm on form this morning

anyway if you need to swap notes let me know honey, tis difficult I know


my daughter is as good as gold at the mo

maybe cos she's back with her fella who does tend to tell her she's in the wrong, which is good

:D

[Mitch]

aw sorry mitch it weren't personal

it was a

rhetorical

question

*snigger*

see I'm on form this morning

anyway if you need to swap notes let me know honey, tis difficult I know


my daughter is as good as gold at the mo

maybe cos she's back with her fella who does tend to tell her she's in the wrong, which is good

:D

I know it's not meant as personal... it's one of those things. If I had have been like that, I wouldn't have hoped to last this past four years :D

[Yambabe]

Ah MrsR we really are kindred spirits this year aren't we!

You have read my tale of woe on BW about my stepson, and I could have pretty much written word for word what you have written here.

You are right. I'm not backing down and neither should you.

Your home is YOUR home, you have worked hard for it and deserve to enjoy it in peace.

With my stepson, he is now aware that I am here for him in terms of emotional support but that is all, no more taking the p1ss and he is NOT moving back in. It hurts, because I do love him, but I have a right to a life too, as do you.