View Full Version : Had one of those days at work...Sigh!
Rogue Monkey
11-08-2004, 09:20 AM
Q. Can you tell me why you came into hospital today?
A. Fuck Off!
Q. I can see you are angry, would you like to talk about it?
A. I said FUCK OFF! There`s nothing wrong with me!
Q. You self presented at A@E and threatened to kill the staff there if you wasnt admitted, would you like to talk about that?
A. Kiss my arse!
Q. Do you remember why you smashed your partners house up?
A. I was being chased.......
Q. I see, Could you tell me who was chasing you?
A. Some dealers.... They say I owe them!
Q. OK, so why did you smash your partners house up?
A. She owes me money!
Q. Do you have financial problems?
A. Yea! I dont get my DLA till next week!
Q I see, so could you tell me why you are recieving DLA?
A. I hear Voices!
Q. Are you hearing them now?
A. Yes!
Q. You dont look particularly distracted by them, what are they saying?
A. They tell me to kill my self!
Q. How many voices? Are there more than one?
A. I dont fucking know, just get my social worker here!
Q. Maybe we should leave this till later, would you like me to show you your room?
A. I want a single room! Dont think Im going in one of the Dorms! fucking Prick!
A. Alright Mr Smith, The doctor will see you shortley, in the meantime I need to take some routine blood samples from you!
At this point I get up and walk over to Mr Smith, Punch him hard in the face and ram his head into the floor with his arm up his back!
Now Mr Smith, would you like to tell me again why you came into hospital today?
Erm :eek: I made the last bit up! :D
Rogue Monkey
11-08-2004, 10:54 AM
Glad I am that my thumb is broke and I get to sit in the rain and ponder the meaning of life! :confused: :D
Mrs Reject
11-08-2004, 10:58 AM
Sounds like you come from the same school of nursing as myself :D The Horses Head school of nursing, Naples, Italy.
dare I ask how you broke your thumb......(frown with 1 raised eyebrow)
Rogue Monkey
11-08-2004, 11:06 AM
Yes you dare! Stopping a patient from punching one of my staff! :eek:
For this task you chose to use your thumb....
Not a Foot, cricket bat or even a frying pan but your thumb....
I would see this as much too big a task for a lone thumb mate, but then again I haven't seen your thumb....it might be ........the Arnold Schwarzenegger of thumbs.
Seriously though mate.....you did a good turn and hopefully stopped the patient from hurting (possibly breaking the thumb of) one of your team. Thats honourable....
Rogue Monkey
11-08-2004, 11:22 AM
For this task you chose to use your thumb....
Not a Foot, cricket bat or even a frying pan but your thumb....
I would see this as much too big a task for a lone thumb mate, but then again I haven't seen your thumb....it might be ........the Arnold Schwarzenegger of thumbs.
Seriously though mate.....you did a good turn and hopefully stopped the patient from hurting (possibly breaking the thumb of) one of your team. Thats honourable....
Ahhh! yes indeed! I must admit that my thumb actualy broke on impact with the Floor and not on impact with the patient! unfortunatly as employees of the NHS and in line with NMC regulations we are not allowed to inflict unecassary pain or react in like fassion to attacks from Patients. We are only allowed to restrain using minimum force! I wish to state right now that I used minimum force! Honest! :p
all nurses are very brave
of course so are ambulance/paramedics, firemen, policemen, lifeguards, mountain rescue etc etc
just that nurses really are in the front line...
Rogue Monkey
11-08-2004, 12:16 PM
all nurses are very brave
of course so are ambulance/paramedics, firemen, policemen, lifeguards, mountain rescue etc etc
just that nurses really are in the front line...
Erm.....I`m not! (scrapes toe in an arc with head bowed and hands clasped behind back) :o
dracken1
11-08-2004, 02:07 PM
all nurses are very brave
very true.
but if you want bravery then you just have to try explaining to a 24 stone 6' 4" customer who you know is attending anger managment school. that no matter how many times you do a routine service on thier suzuki katana 50cc step through, that it is really doing well to do 36mph (i removed the cranshaft pulley restrictor at thier request). and you doubt that he understands or believes you.
thats bloody bravery :D :D
Rogue Monkey
11-08-2004, 02:12 PM
very true.
but if you want bravery then you just have to try explaining to a 24 stone 6' 4" customer who you know is attending anger managment school. that no matter how many times you do a routine service on thier suzuki katana 50cc step through, that it is really doing well to do 36mph (i removed the cranshaft pulley restrictor at thier request). and you doubt that he understands or believes you.
thats bloody bravery :D :D
Hmmmm! now that takes Balls! :D
Mrs Reject
11-08-2004, 02:29 PM
very true.
but if you want bravery then you just have to try explaining to a 24 stone 6' 4" customer who you know is attending anger managment school. that no matter how many times you do a routine service on thier suzuki katana 50cc step through, that it is really doing well to do 36mph (i removed the cranshaft pulley restrictor at thier request). and you doubt that he understands or believes you.
thats bloody bravery :D :D
I'd crap myself laughing seeing that dude on a moped!!! hahahahaha :D As a test of your manhood you must go and tell him to buy a proper bike :D
Rogue Monkey
11-08-2004, 02:31 PM
I'd crap myself laughing seeing that dude on a moped!!! hahahahaha :D As a test of your manhood you must go and tell him to buy a proper bike :D
Yea! do that and I promise you a back patch! :D
My dad was brave...telling my mum that he wasn't going to buy her another bottle of sherry.
I miss my dad.......
Dougie
11-08-2004, 03:23 PM
Why is it if you lamp someone who's being violent in a hospital (or any other place of work) to protect your staff or colleagues YOU'RE the one who gets the third degree from the police? Likewise,if you belt a burglar or intruder in your own home,someone who has absolutely no right to be there,the evil skanky little b*stard can get you for assault? It seems the victim has no rights in this country,the law's on the side of the criminal.Witness the custodial sentences handed down for speeding,but you can beat the living crap out of somebody or run someone down in your car while ratarsed and get a fine or at worst community service! :mad: :mad:
Good on ya Rogue Monkey! :)
Rogue Monkey
11-08-2004, 03:32 PM
Its a mad mad mad world. The best you can hope for is to hang in there, dont pay attention to the **** and enjoy the good things in life! There is more than enough **** and injustice in the world to give everyone clinical depression! I dont like to play on it too much. Far better things to do! I alllways ask my self at the end of the day, what have I done today that made my life better? If the answers in the positive Im happy and sleep well! if not I go and rob the next old lady i can find! haha! ;) :D
Dougie
11-08-2004, 03:41 PM
Yeah,you'd just get a slap on the wrist! Until they found out yer a biker of course,then it's off to the chokey for 50 years,yer bike impounded and given to some joyriding little f*ckwit to run around on to stop him nicking cars and your house torn down,the bricks put into a brick crushing machine,pulverised into brick dust,put into a rocket and fired into the heart of the sun!!
(Apologies to Al Murray for nicking the last bit-aw sh*t I'm a biker too,I'll see you in jail!)
god i'm losing it,gotta get out more and cut down on the brake cleaner............
rommel
11-08-2004, 08:03 PM
Yeah,you'd just get a slap on the wrist! Until they found out yer a biker of course,then it's off to the chokey for 50 years,yer bike impounded and given to some joyriding little f*ckwit to run around on to stop him nicking cars and your house torn down,the bricks put into a brick crushing machine,pulverised into brick dust,put into a rocket and fired into the heart of the sun!!
(Apologies to Al Murray for nicking the last bit-aw sh*t I'm a biker too,I'll see you in jail!)
god i'm losing it,gotta get out more and cut down on the brake cleaner............
Not bitter or twisted then mate??? ;)
Dougie
11-08-2004, 10:55 PM
Oh yes I'm bitter and twisted.If you'd ever been burgled you'd understand.Coming in the front door as the lowlife motherf**ker is going out the back window with our video and entire CD collection,terrified to leave the house as you don't know what you're coming back to?You'd better believe it!
Not that I will,but if I ever catch him I'll do his elbows and knees with a 2lb lump so he won't do it again!Same goes for bike thieves!
Friar Tuck
12-08-2004, 05:33 AM
But just think what fun you can have being a nurse whilst treating these "customers"!
"Lets start with an enema, shall we Sir? Doctors orders!" Even if the bugger doesn't need it! Or the pain when when giving stitches/jabs. or resetting bones/dislocations. Even if you can't do this yourself, you can violently, "fluff up" thier pillow while making them comfortable.
I bet being a nurse can be quite satisfying in a subtle sort of way sometimes!
dracken1
12-08-2004, 10:11 AM
remember what happened to that female nurse a few years back who castrated a patient who had raped her a while before?
Rogue Monkey
12-08-2004, 10:15 AM
But just think what fun you can have being a nurse whilst treating these "customers"!
"Lets start with an enema, shall we Sir? Doctors orders!" Even if the bugger doesn't need it! Or the pain when when giving stitches/jabs. or resetting bones/dislocations. Even if you can't do this yourself, you can violently, "fluff up" thier pillow while making them comfortable.
I bet being a nurse can be quite satisfying in a subtle sort of way sometimes!
Erm......No! contrary to popular myth we dont inflict uneccassary pain! Have to admit though that we are a little slow in offering pain relief for certain patients at times!
Mrs Reject
12-08-2004, 06:30 PM
Erm......No! contrary to popular myth we dont inflict uneccassary pain! Have to admit though that we are a little slow in offering pain relief for certain patients at times!
Don't we???? Oops, I'd better go off and write out 100 lines.
Bosun
12-08-2004, 06:34 PM
anjd the line to write is:
#
I must not give laxatives out as sweeties#
Mrs Reject
12-08-2004, 08:52 PM
anjd the line to write is:
#
I must not give laxatives out as sweeties#
Wise words mate...or rather I must not give out laxatives as sweeties unless I am off duty for the following week :D
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